Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

YANBU.

Have you been to a&e? Is your DD ok? X

He's taken her in, in her pjs, with much muttering. He's not answering his phone. I'm with our youngest at home

YANBU

He is prevaricating and delaying because he knows he should have been looking after her and that the A&E staff will ask him about that.

He knows he did the wrong thing and has been caught out and is afraid of the consequences.

And he should be.

I hope your DD is ok

Typical arsehole defensive guilt my father was exactly the same.

Yes you did the right thing.

Totally not overreacting. Hope your DD is ok. He is being defensive and shitty because he is in the wrong. Once DD is sorted you need to have a serious convo with him about this.

There will be a range of views but I don't think it would occur to me to take a child to A and E in these circumstances, as long as they could move/breathe/they weren't bleeding. I'd want to keep a close eye on them and if I was concerned I'd ring 111 for help.

I'd also want a calm chat with my partner re stairgates.

Might this link be of any help? www.husbandhood.net/how-to-react-and-examine-a-child-who-fell-down-a-flight-of-stairs/

I presume you checked her over and there were enough signs that concerned you enough to warrant a trip to A&E. DS fell down the stairs once but only had a minor bang on the forehead and was otherwise okay. A bump to the side of the head would worry me more, especially since she was quiet afterwards. Was she responding appropriately to you? Do you think she was briefly knocked out?

Well if it was an emergency and you were truly concerned shouldn't you have whizzed on some clothes, grabbed the baby and taken her yourself telling him to catch you all up?

No. I wouldn't go to A&E unless there was an obvious injury.

I think you highly over reacted.

If I was sat in the A&E waiting room with a toddler who was soon well, I'd feel embarrassed. More so if I dying feel an A&E trip was necessary in the first place.

FYI my son went backwards down outdoor stairs while sat know a trike. He was about 18m-2. He was shook up, but his fine.

YANBU.

He didn't want to go because he knew it was his fault. I'm sure if it was the other way round, he would've wanted her to have gone.

Likelihood, she's fine. But as you said, head injuries should always be checked out - especially when they're so young as it's not always obvious if something's wrong. My 4 year old recently had to stay in hospital for a couple of nights after a head injury.

Hope you and DD are okay OP.

A fall from the top to the bottom of the stairs needs a&e imo. He’s faffing because he was on watch and failed to take safe measures knowing he was going to sleep.
Yes accidents happen and do on anyone’s watch but this one was due to lazy parenting!

YANBU at all, of course she needed to go.

Most parents have an incident when a child hurts themselves in their care; DH was reading bedtime stories to the DCs when DS2 (who was only 3) fell off the top bunk of DS1's bed and donked his head on the side as he fell. Three minutes later he's in the car with DS2 on his way to A&E because despite the guilt, care for the child comes first.

I hope your DD is fine - children have bumps and scrapes and generally come through unscathed. But you need to sit down with him and explain that his eye rolling and huffing was ridiculous, and that in future if he's looking after the DCs then he remains awake with his eyes on them because he's a bloody adult not a teenager.

Your husband is a dick. You are not being unreasonable. (Except that if he has to explain this to the doctors, he may come up with a story making it your fault...) I probably would have thrown the other kids at DH and gone in a taxi. (Have done this in the past, but because of circumstances, not DH's attitude)

I hope your DD is ok! What time did he leave with her? Hopefully you’ll get an update soon

Mechanism of injury (fall > 3 metres) counts as one of the minor criteria for assessing a head injury according to the NICE guidance on head injuries for A+E doctors.

2 minors and the child should have a head CT scan as risk of a brain bleed mounts. Other minor criteria include loss of consciousness > 5min; 3 or more episodes of vomiting; amnesia; abnormal drowsiness.

And they will be questioning exactly who was in charge of the child and why she wasn't being supervised on the stairs. It'll probably go down as a documented note in the safeguarding section of the child's hospital record.

I don't think she was knocked out but she was very shaken, and the bump in her head was big.

She can open the stair gate at the bottom of the stairs, which is why she needs supervision in that room (the stairs lead off of our dining room, DH and our youngest were in the living room).

I understand accidents happen, and even had he been supervising it could have happened. It's just his attitude about what should be done that has really shocked me.

It makes me worry about him looking after them if I'm not here. He is very laid back to the point that he doesn't seem to understand any urgency or seriousness. I hope the a&e staff make him sweat to be honest!

Absolutely you take a child who's fallen down an entire flight of stairs to the hospital, especially if there are signs of a head injury.

I agree that you should always go to a&e for a head injury. Especially when they’re so small and can’t necessarily tell if something is wrong.
I also agree that your husband was being a dick.

But

Why didn’t you just take her yourself instead of letting him mess about?

I said to him it would be recorded in safeguarding. More eye rolling. I work for he fucking nhs and a lot of my job involves safeguarding referrals! I just wish he would answer the phone now.

I would in the circumstances (as much for the wrist as well been broken)

Can't believe the people saying they think you're over reacting op. Ridiculous, any HCP would be more than happy to look over a little one in these circumstances. My mum is an A&E nurse and when I was little I fell off a horse, people at the horse riding place told her she was over reacting to take me to A&E, I'd dislocated my thumb and fingers. I think she bloody knows best! You don't mess around with head injuries you know, so I think you did the right thing. How are they getting on?