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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

270 replies

Doublemint · 26/11/2017 10:33

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

OP posts:
EB123 · 26/11/2017 11:07

If I thought my child was seriously hurt I would have gone to A&E with my DH and other children.

AuntLydia · 26/11/2017 11:08

I think you were right to want to take her but I'm surprised a 3 year old using the stairs unsupervised would be a safeguarding issue. I no longer supervised mine at that age and I think most 3 year olds would be capable of navigating them - and no her falling doesn't negate that. Plenty of grown adults fall down the stairs. I hope she's OK. He may well have switched his phone to silent in a and e - I would have.

asmuchuseasachocolatefireguard · 26/11/2017 11:08

In the A&E at my local hospital, once you go past the waiting room, in to be seen in the cubicles bit, there is no phone signal so it may be that he can't answer because he isn't getting a signal.

I would have dressed her and dressed myself (not showered though) and then gone in if I was going to take her in but I'm not sure I would have taken her in for just a fall on the stairs, unless she had other symptoms I would probably have just kept an eye on her for the next while to see how she was in herself.

FATEdestiny · 26/11/2017 11:09

We are talking about a 3 year old. We're not talking about an unsteady on feet early walker. I am assuming she can go up and down stairs safely?

Sounds like an accident rather than a parenting issue.

I hope the a&e staff make him sweat to be honest!

Nasty.

I'm glad that in my marriage we are supportive and caring about each other. This is plain nasty, no wonder he's not answering his phoned to you. I wouldn't either.

Thermostatpolice · 26/11/2017 11:09

YANBU. At all. One of my DC had a small skull fracture but seemed well apart from a headache and bump. I felt overcautious taking them in but it was the right thing to do. We had to keep them off school for a while to avoid further injury and wouldn't have known to do that otherwise.

And your DH should absolutely be the one to take her in. He needs to take responsibility.

TheBananaStand2 · 26/11/2017 11:10

Hope all is fine,OP. It's a bit unfair of him not to keep in touch - at least a quick text to let you know they're still waiting, etc. Perhaps he left phone in car in the rush - try not to worry. She's in the right place. He prob feels guilty and that's why he's being such an arse. I would have taken her to a&e, too, and judging by what Jean is saying that matches medical advice.

whosahappyharry · 26/11/2017 11:10

YANBU - I work in paediatric A&E and if your daughter had presented say a week down the line with a wrist # and hadn't come in immediately after the accident, we would be completing safeguarding referrals. Maybe I'm over cautious because I work in the sector and know what can go wrong from a fall of that severity, but I think you were right to insist on her being checked over.

Whatslovegottodo · 26/11/2017 11:10

I don't think you over reacted.
If your H doesn't answer call the hospital.
Are you sure he will have taken her there?
Hope she's ok. Yes to cable tie on stair gates. My friends DS broke his leg in a stair tumble and it was awful.

daisypond · 26/11/2017 11:13

I wouldn't have taken them to A&E. But I also think it's fine that you decided to.

FlashTheSloth · 26/11/2017 11:13

YANBU. Your DH is being being a real dick about it, presumably because he wasn't paying attention.

I also work in the NHS in an area where we get the safeguarding forms from a and e everyday, this would be coming in to us and marked on the record.

GinIsIn · 26/11/2017 11:15

I wouldn't have gone straight to A&E, no - I would have iced the wrist and bump and seen how she was. The quiet head on the wall thing - was that an injury response or a reaction to her parents screaming at each other, for example. I think you aren't wrong to go to A&E if it's actually warranted but it does seem like you panicked and didn't take the time to properly assess the situation which would have scared your daughter.

AuntLydia · 26/11/2017 11:16

I also don't think there's anything that awful about a parent dozing on the sofa while their 3 year old watches TV on a weekend morning either...

Supermagicsmile · 26/11/2017 11:16

Hope she's okay.

AnnaMagdalene · 26/11/2017 11:16

I don't think I'm an expert. I am just somebody who brought up 3 children. When I wasn't sure what to do I rang NHS Direct. (Now 111).

I think generally there's been a shift towards being extremely cautious and trying to protect children from every conceivable risk.

Being relatively old I am of a generation where I feel that falls and bumps are a normal part of growing up.

This doesn't mean that I wouldn't keep a close eye on somebody who had fallen and hurt their head phone for professional advice about major swelling and bruising/sleepiness etc after an accident.

But yes, it's relevant that this is a 3 year old not a baby. So they could be expected to give some sort of account of where they'd fallen from and how they had landed.

Swatsup · 26/11/2017 11:18

If I thought my child needed to go to a and e I would take her. If I couldn’t get there I would be calling 999. I wouldn’t be worried about anything else other than my child!

DownTheChimney · 26/11/2017 11:19

But all your posts are about your DH not about your DD which implies to me that you don't think your DD is hurt but that you wanted to teach your DH a lesson

That's what I thought too.
It was an accident, surely a three year old should be able to use the stairs without your DH?
Anyway, I hope she is ok.

Oakmaiden · 26/11/2017 11:19

I also don't think there's anything that awful about a parent dozing on the sofa while their 3 year old watches TV on a weekend morning either...

Apparently it is major neglect not to have your eyes on your children at all times when they are awake.

I was very neglectful when my children were young. If they woke at stupid o'clock I would always dump them in front of the telly and doze on the sofa...

OneForTheRoadThen · 26/11/2017 11:22

From what you’ve said it sounds like you are punishing your husband for not keeping his eye on your daughter. I don’t think that wanting to have a shower before going to A&E is awful, particularly as your daughter wasn’t seriously injured.

If you were so worried why didn’t you go too?

GeekyBlinders · 26/11/2017 11:23

YANBU to want her checked out, but I think YABU to castigate your DH to this extent. Accidents happen - at 3 your child should be able to navigate the stairs reasonably well so I would be surprised if an a&e doctor thought his parenting was neglectful because it happened. It's not like she's 12 months.

IslingtonLou · 26/11/2017 11:24

I don’t know about this whole teaching him a lesson thing - I wonder if he might equally shift the blame when talking to staff to prevent this ie ‘wife was hungover upstairs after a wild night and I briefly nodded off whilst independently looking after them all night/morning’ vs ‘I was supposed to be supervising the kids but took a nap and she hurt herself’. Especially if he’s already grumpy with you and thinks the a&e trip is pointless.

Hope she’s alrightFlowers

BoreOfWhabylon · 26/11/2017 11:24

Btw, ignore all the fools piling in above offering opinions they've pulled out of their backsides on how you've overreacted. Funny how everyone seems to be an expert on everything on MN.

This^^

Jeanvaljean has given excellent, informed advice on this thread. Which is more than can be said for many others.

If in doubt ring 111. Their assessment and advice also reflects the NICE head injury criteria.

TheFairyCaravan · 26/11/2017 11:25

I think that you’ve set yourself up for a huge fall after the way you’ve treated your husband, tbh. She will have an accident on your watch, it could well be more serious than a fall down the stairs. How are you going to feel if he treats you how you’ve treated him this morning?

I think generally there's been a shift towards being extremely cautious and trying to protect children from every conceivable risk.

Being relatively old I am of a generation where I feel that falls and bumps are a normal part of growing up.

Yes I agree. None of my DC, their mates or cousins, were whipped off to A&E like children seem to be now.

AnnaMagdalene · 26/11/2017 11:25

I always felt the point at which children could work out how to undo safety catches etc, was the point at which the stairgates etc were no longer necessary. (Unless there are younger toddlers, in which case you have to keep them and get the older ones to refasten the gates.)

Bratsandtwats · 26/11/2017 11:27

I can't believe how many of you are chastising the OP for insisting that her daughter went to a&e after falling down the stairs, having a lump on the side of her head and becoming quiet!

If an adult did this you would take them. My DH fell down about half the stairs and broke his foot (admittedly children tend to bounce more than adults do). I fell down them unrelated and several years previously and broke my cocyxx.

ZigZagandDustin · 26/11/2017 11:29

Hmmm, for me I wouldn't have brought her unless she had clearly hit her head somewhere (very noticible bump on back of head for example) or loud head crack sound. Was it carpeted? Did she hit tiles st the bottom etc. Would all be considered. I've had kids come down our steep stairs, brush themselves off and be fine after a roaring cry from shock but of course I watch them like a hawk for the 24 hrs after. Any sign of sleepiness or vomiting and we'd be gone but I think depending on how your DD presented after the fall you overreacted in treating your DH like this. You are of course entitled to want to bring your DD to A&E if you feel worried. But your DH is also entitled to not be as concerned as you about the particular fall depending on a lot of factors. A 3 yr old should typically be ok on the stairs but I can only comment on my own kids and kids I know.

I also think if he wants to do Netflix and doze on the couch beside a 3 yr old on Sunday, as long as they aren't bothering you, there's nothing to be pissy about.

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