Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

Ffs there are a lot of autocorrects in my post.

Another one hoping that your DD is okay and it's nothing more serious than a slight bump and the shock of having tumbled. And another one saying that you did the right thing in insisting that she went to A&E to be checked over.

When my son wasn't much older, he was in the care of my ex and his family, was seriously injured (by them, although accidentally) and they left him with a gaping wound to the forehead for hours because they "didn't think he needed medical assistance". When he was returned, several hours later, the wound still bleeding, feeling/being sick and drowsy, I took him to A&E where I had to answer the questions regarding an accident/incident that I'd not been present for (such as "did he lose consciousness at all", which... I wasn't there!) and the hospital wanted to call the police/Social Services on my ex/his parents for their blatant neglect to seek immediate help for my son's head wound. He ended up with stitches, a permanent scar (which fortunately isn't that visible unless you know what you're looking at) and severe concussion which kept him off school for a week... Fortunately he's fine now, but he still gets seriously bad headaches - which the GP/his consultant say are probably as a result of the head injury.

Some people simply "don't think" of the consequences to the child if they don't get professional medical help for them following a fall. Some people simply "don't think/realise/know" that young children's heads are still joining together and a bad knock can damage them more easily than it would, say, them. Or an actual, responsible adult.

OP, your DH might heed this as a learning curve. He might see sense over his inabilty to supervise your 3 year old with regards to the stairs in future. My ex didn't. He now has very limited contact with our son, and his parents are both under no illusions concerning how disgusted I was with their lack of responsibility that day. Their neglect - because that's what it was - and their fear of what would happen to them (they hit him in the head with a tennis racket during a game of lawn tennis, apparently... it was an accident - but their actions in the immediate aftermath were deliberate and with more concern for themselves than a 5 year old boy, their son/grandson, who was bleeding from the head and nose) still disgusts me. It always will.

"I didn't think..." isn't an excuse that a parent should make when it comes to their children's health and safety. Otherwise why install the stair gates in the first place?

DD fell 5 foot backwards off a wall at 3. Didn’t take her to A+E.

She fell 8 foot backwards off a ladder at 5 and knocked herself out. Didn’t take her to A+E.

Unless they are displaying signs of broken bones or concussion there’s no need to go to A+E.

I hope she's OK.

I don't know about taking her to A&E. If she'd just fallen, probably not. But if she wasn't herself afterwards or couldn't focus, was sleepy or bruise behind her ear etc than yes.

I think given it was a morning and you could keep an eye on her I'd be less inclined to. When mine have thudded their heads and worried us, it's always been just before hedtime.

Plus, kindly, you "let" him shower and so on rather than just bundle everyone in the car as you would in an a&e energency.

Is there a local walk in or minor injuries?

I'm amazed by the people saying it's a safeguarding issue that a 3 year old was allowed on the stairs unsupervised. Aside from the fact that I think it's fine to doze a bit while a 3 year old watches telly, anyone who has had a baby while their eldest is a toddler can't possibly be watching the older one all the time, and by three the vast majority can safely use the stairs and can have accidents just about anywhere. Both mine have fallen over and had bumps while actually holding my hand!

When my ds2 was 2 he was playing buses on the stairs with the 4yo. They were sitting and talking and I was watching. I went to check on something in the oven and ds2 slid down about 4 stairs on his bottom, bumping his neck on each one (there was no carpet). He cried loads so I ended up ringing NHS direct as it was then, and they sent an ambulance because of the crying and I had no transport at the time. He went really still and quiet in the ambulance and fell asleep, which was scarier than the crying. No one questioned my parenting, or 'gave me a hard time' (except me) as someone upthread hopes happens to this man. DH thought I'd overreacted by ringing them, but he didn't berate me for leaving them on the stairs for a second because he understood accidents can happen and both safely used the stairs independently at that time and weren't playing an active game on them. Ds was fine, btw, and no medical professional implied I'd done anything wrong to cause the accident or to have contacted the NHS.

YANBU to want her checked, but you are wrong to think a 3 year old needs constant supervision. I think people saying it's a safeguarding issue that she had the accident in the first place risk putting people off having their dc checked over when needed through fear of being suspected of abuse.

It's your call re A&E - better safe than sorry if you genuinely have a concern about a head injury.

The way you're treating your DH is very unreasonable. How often on here have mums been told to have a cosy day on the sofa, stick the tv on for the kids and doze if they're feeling under the weather or have been up all night. It was an accident. Your DH wasn't being negligent or abusive, he was simply dozing in another room - it could easily have happened on your watch.

I really hope you've just reacted and taken your fear for your child out on him and can talk calmly about it afterwards. A 3 year old would generally be able to go up and down stairs without constant supervision - it was an accident. Your DH deserves your support and a bit of grace.

Does your DC struggle with stairs? I would expect a 3 year old to manage stairs. I don’t see what is wrong with dozing with a 3 year old around. My DD swallowed a coin when I had fallen asleep in her bed while she was playing in her room. I called 111 and was advised to take her to A&E. I don’t think it was my fault.

You feel like DH doesn’t watch DD as well as you do or take parenting as seriously as you do.

DD hurt herself whilst DH was watching her. You’ve pushed him to take her to A&E, despite full consciousness/no evidence of serious trauma. Presumably because you were hoping the shock would show him you’re right and he’s wrong about how hard parenting should be and that he shouldn’t be sleeping on the job. He still didn’t react how you wanted - running out the door and blue lighting her to A&E.

Overall, you don’t think he takes parenting seriously enough, he doesn’t do it as you like and now you’ve been proved right. YABU to send her to A&E without watching her for a few hours first.

I can't remember when I took stairgates off. But I think it was around 2. There's a sort of period where you go down the stairs holding their hand. And then you watch them go down independently - side by side. And then they do it on their own.

If you are overprotective, they don't learn the necessary skills to do things independently. And they get understandably impatient. And then fall down.

So I think responsible parenting is about gradually letting go - in all sorts of small ways. Rather than non-stop surveillance. (Impossible in any case in a house with a number of small children, unless they are all under room arrest.)

Erm. Tittygolightly, I think knocking yourself out is a pretty big sign of concussion. What with it actually being a concussion...

Raindrops I'm guessing that the OP was still over the limit?

I think you are a bit barking if you think you DH will have to 'explain himself' yo A+E

When they ask him how it happened he's going to tell them he was downstairs (while you were in bed nursing a hangover) supervising the children and momentarily lost concentration

Yes hospital will likely be told you are a heavy drinker who wasn't fit to take child to hospital. That is more likely to be a safeguarding issue than a dad not watching a child every minute and them falling downstairs.

Just wanted to ask how you know she fell from top to bottom of the stairs if you were asleep?

As a nurse & HV I think you've done the right thing. You can never be too careful with toddlers. The fact she had a lump and was quiet means A&E is definitely worth a visit. Hope she's ok. I'd be furious with DH for taking so long to get ready and with his attitude.

No. I wouldn't go to A&E unless there was an obvious injury. I think you highly over reacted.

Did you miss the bit where OP said her DD had gone quiet, had a huge bump on the side of her head and had a wrist injury?

Mind you, OP, I would put money on the fact that when you DH comes back he will swear blind that the doctors told him there was absolutely nothing wrong with her and there was no need to take her in. Even if they say the opposite.

She fell 8 foot backwards off a ladder at 5 and knocked herself out. Didn’t take her to A+E.

She lost consciousness and you didn't take her to A&E

Anyway besides the point, the OPs child has a nasty bump to the head and complaining of her wrist hurting with, with the mechanism of injury, could be a #. I think it's more than worth going to A&E.

I hope you have heard from your DH by now. I would have taken the DD to A&E if it were me too

I wouldn't have taken to A&E without another sign. Nor would I take myself off to A&E/send dh if we'd fallen down the stairs. At least I didn't when I did.

3yos should be fine on the stairs. I remember when dd1 had her 2 year check and the HV asked if she could do stairs and I said I didn't know as I always carried her. She gave me a look and suggested I started letting her. I watched the first time and she was absolutely fine.

If it wasn't seen it definitely sounds worse than it is. Ds used to do this trick where he sat on the top step and pushed off and slid down. It sounded like he was going base to tip the whole way down. Number of times we came rushing over to find him giggling at the bottom.

And all those saying hospital will be told Mum couldn't take her due to drinking too much. This family has two parents and the toddler only needs one parent to take her to A&E. Give over. They won't care she was out last night!

She lost consciousness and you didn't take her to A&E

One of the people we were with trained as a doctor, so he checked her over at the scene and advised I should take her to A+E if anything happened later on.

She’s now 7 and absolutely fine. Don’t worry, I didn’t neglect her.

@TittyGolightly she would've need a thorough neuro exam and overnight stay to observe her. Possibly a head CT too to rule out a bleed. Your friend should've known better.

*One of the people we were with trained as a doctor, so he checked her over at the scene and advised I should take her to A+E if anything happened later on.

She’s now 7 and absolutely fine. Don’t worry, I didn’t neglect her.*

Well you did fail to disclose that a doctor did check her over in your original post! Glad to hear that.

I think you did the right think and i would be very upset with my husband. I personally dont believe i sleeping while looking after young children . Did he have the younger one aswell ? But i know some people are fine with it. Really hoping shes ok op can you get a taxi their if still no word from him ? I imagine he will be questioned about it but no idea if he will admit he was asleep or what they will think or say about it.

Thanks all for your thoughts. DH has rung and DD is fine thankfully. Nasty bump and we have to watch her for a bit. Her wrist is fine. The floor she fell onto was hard wood for the pp that asked.

He's getting her a happy meal for being so brave.

Can I just be clear I wasn't annoyed the accident happened, although I'm not thrilled with him dozing whilst looking after a 3 year old and a 18 month old, I realise that it could have happened even if he was awake/I was looking after them etc.

What I was concerned about was DHs reaction, something I think we will need to talk through this evening. This isn't the first time we've disagreed about safety.

For example he's them both in the shower unattended whilst he sorted laundry. I only found out because I commented about how good it was that all the clothes were away and asked how he had managed it whilst looking after the girls. He couldn't see a problem with that either.

We just have different standards I suppose, but I won't compromise on their safety and that where the problem is I guess.