Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

The whole conversation was about five minutes. I was comforting DD whilst DH was in the shower, asking her where it hurt etc. I didn't drive because I went out last night and don't like to drive the next day, I did think about a taxi but he was ready by then anyway. Also there was a part me that wanted DH to take her so he could answer the questions about his parenting and not me!

I assume the reason OP didn't take the child herself is because she might still be over the limit from last night.

We have cable tied our gates shut as ds can open them ..

Both my kids fell down the stairs in their time and the only one that went to A&E was DS1 because he was knocked out. I wouldn’t automatically take them to A&E for that, no.

I'd have judged it on how DD was and I think it you had called NHS24 they would have taken you through the questions to determine whether A&E was necessary.
I think you reacted in panic and anger.
Since you were in bed and your DH was downstairs, you don't know how many stairs she fell down. I know you think it sounded like she fell down all of them but children can make a lot of noise on just a few stairs. DS did an elaborate jump/fall down 3 stairs once and it sounded like he had tumbled from top to bottom. He hadn't.

I wouod have had no issue wth my H saying we needed to take dc to hosp in those circumstances.
I have to say, it happened once with dc1 and we didn’t. BUT he was also his own self within minutes (unlike your dd) and we kept a very close eye in him for the whole day (incl looking at pupils etc...).
On the other side, dc2 just felt over running around and banged his head in the floor. He reacted ‘bizarrely’ (by falling asleep afterwards when he never ever fell asleep like that) so we took him to A&E to be checked over.

For me it would depend how little one is and whether or not they had bumped their head. Not always necessary to go to a&e unless you think they may have actual concussion or broken a bone. It is easy to panic and overreact though when it’s your baby. I have lots of experience with young children though so that will colour my view. They bounce easily. Defo would be enough time to get ready etc though unless lo was unconscious or very confused though but then I’d probably recommend an ambulance. Your dh should be in trouble now though for leaving them basically unattended. Not acceptable. Maybe the 5hr wait at a&e is a suitable punishment though.

A fall down the stairs is not an A&E job if there is no sign of anything broken, and there is no vomiting or lack of consiousness.

There are times when a head injury needs A&E, regardless of how it happened, but if the only sign was a big bump it's an over reaction imo

doublemint

There are also major criteria for a CT scan in children with head injuries - besides the minor criteria I listed above. Unlike the minors, you only need to have one major criterion to qualify for a CT scan.

One of the majors is a bruise/bump > 5cm, so if you're saying she has a very large bump she may well end up having a CT.

It will definitely be recorded in her safeguarding notes for other to read later. Not an issue if it's a one off, but if it becomes a pattern then they'd be obliged to take action.

What a dick! She fell down a floght of stairs ffs! I am a very much only take someone to AE if you absolutely have to. Where big head injuries and toddlers are concerned you really have to, especially when they don't get up right away/have a big scream then go back to normal. I hope your DD is ok.

You are right though that an incident like this wouod be recorded at nursery/CM etc...
And also that it could be seen as neglect if he was basically sleeping on the sofa and not looking after.

But I also ausowctvthis wouod only be the case Id there was a repeated incident.
You need to be careful there not to be too influenced by your job there (you will only see the worse cases that ARE an issue. NOT the normal accidents happening at home)

But all your posts are about your DH not about your DD which implies to me that you don't think your DD is hurt but that you wanted to teach your DH a lesson. I don't think A&E is the most appropriate way to do that.

@Jeanvaljean27 thanks for the info. I hope she's ok, DH isn't answering his phone. I'm sure she's ok. Her bump was about 5cm long, almond shaped if that makes sense.

Trying not to worry!

From the circumstances you describe I wouldn't immediately have gone to A&E, my red flags are loss of conciousness/vomiting/appearing drowsy or concussed following the injury.

I would have kept her home under observation.

But I think its a judgement call at the time and not knowing how far she fell exactly (as you heard not saw) means I dont think you are being hugely over dramatic.

You are not overreacting but why didn't you take your LO and go with them? He is underplaying it and I'm not sure I'd trust him to give A & E an accurate assessment of what happened.

How dare he not answer his phone in A&E? Unless of course there is something serious happening, I'd call the hospital myself for an update.

Can you travel in with your younger one? Can you ask someone local for help?

I think it’s worth remembering that very few people on here are medics or have any idea of what is considered a serious fall requiring A&E.

Just as it’s not ok to overuse the NHS resources, I would also NEVER take a risk with my dc health.
We all know that children can be very seriously hurt when falling down the stairs.
If one parent thinks it’s critical to have them checked over, then there is no discussion in my book. You have the child checked over.
Better safe than sorry in my books.

I can see both sides but I think a call to 111 would have been just as wise. Their triage would have undoubtedly directed you to an urgent car centre or A&E

I can see that certain kinds of accidents are time critical so getting somebody to a hospital as early as possible is vital. But in such cases it would make more sense to ring 999 so that any necessary treatment could be made at the earliest opportunity.

I think - though this is easier said than done - it is reassuring after a child has had a fall/nasty bump that parents remain calm, while also making some decisions as what to do next. Because if parents argue after a household accident and then a child goes rather quiet, it might be a) because of the accident herself or b) they hate the fact that parents are having a row.

Also have you done a paediatric first aid course? I think this can be very helpful in preparing you to deal with different injury scenarios.

littlesuck I wouod have taken the description of the OP with the dd with her head on the wall, quiet and not moving as a description of being drowsy.

doublemint

In which case they may end up CTing her head - the NICE criteria are very clear on large bruises/bumps in children. Which if it happens I imagine would make your husband look very foolish.

Btw, ignore all the fools piling in above offering opinions they've pulled out of their backsides on how you've overreacted. Funny how everyone seems to be an expert on everything on MN.

Id take my ds to a & e if he fell down the stairs. Its better to be safe than sorry

YANBU

Raging- it didn't sound that way to me, interesting how people can interpret it differently which is exactly why I think you have to judge based on what you see at the time and go with that.