Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

As others on here have said, it's a judgment call. It sounds like it was a nasty bump on the head, following a bad fall, so I definitely wouldn't say you overreacted, OP.

Hope your DS is ok.

I personally would probably have waited and kept an eye on her, but I don’t think you’ve over reacted, and I can’t imagine any drs/ nurses being annoyed that she’s been brought in, better safe than sorry.
This is why people who go to a&e for the smallest thing annoy me so much, it makes people avoid going/taking people when it’s completely justified.

If he wants to doze on the sofa while watching a 3 year old then I dont see a problem with it. A 3 year old should be able to.go up and downstairs fine so I'm not sure why you have stair gates (unless they are for your youngest) Stairgates actually cause a lot of falls downstairs by people leaning on them when they are not shut correctly or by tripping over the bar that goes along the floor.

One of my DC fell down wooden stairs aged three. She didn't knock herself out. I called 111 who ran through a few things and suggested I see how it goes and there was no need to take her in. I already knew the things to look out for but I felt reassured that I had spoken to 111

I used to doze when the kids were little 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yadnbu. I had similar very recently. Within an hour of receiving a head injury my son went from being fine and active (playing football when head injury occurred) to being very drowsy, complaining of terrible headache and persistent vomiting. My husband was furious that I took him to A&E, saying that I was overreacting but the doctors took it very seriously. It made me angry and worried that he was so blasé about it and it definitely makes me question the level of care he provides. It's a crap situation he's putting you in too.

I do tend to ring for advice first. This is because I live in a big city where A&E is very crowded and people may need immediate life-saving treatment. The triage system does mean that more minor injuries - parents wanting reassurance about their children are likely to be faced with a very long wait indeed. In which case a) making the call and b) if the advice is to go and have things checked out, packing a bag with snacks, toys and story books before leaving is really the sensible way to go.

If the head metaphor isn't inappropriate it's about engaging brain as well as one's immediate emotional response.

Perhaps not the easiest thing to do after a late - boozy? - night out.

Hope shes ok. Has he been in touch yet?

I would have taken her too.

DD had a skull fracture from falling off some stairs aged 7. There was no bump at all.

YANBU to want to your DD to go A&E.

YABU in how horrible you're being about your husband. Kids get hurt all the time, no matter how much supervision they're under. It's going to happen on your watch too one day. I hope your DH is nicer to you when it happens, than you have been about him in this case.

Any news on your dd now? I think if it was me I'd be wrapping myself and the other kids up and heading to meet them at a&e. I can't say whether you wbu as I didn't see the fall / your dd, but from experience playing the blame game is no good for a relationship. Are things ok otherwise with your dh?

I would have got her dressed too, if she was conscious, and not vomiting. Also, maybe I've missed it, but was the gate to the stairs shut or can she open it?

Hope she's ok op

My niece fell down the stairs at that age. Unfortunately her head hit the sharp end of the hallway table and there was a lot of blood. We took her to A&E. Thankfully she was ok but I think taking her to A&E was right.

If your dh reacted like that how can you be sure he actually did take her to hospital. He could be out around driving around the place killing time for all you know. I think you made the right call but I would have gone aswell. Hope all is ok?

I tend to under react about things like a&e so I wouldn't have taken her if she had been mine. Also,I don't see a problem with dozing in the sofa when in charge of a 3 year old. I honestly don't think it's a safeguarding matter- it was just an accident. If she had been 18 months old that would be different. But, and it's a big but, if my dp had been insistent on a&be we would have gone, and I wouldn't have been an arse about it. The most cautious position should usually be the default position.

I'd agree re getting dressed. It's freezing where I am. Getting children properly dressed for a drive and then some waiting around in draughty areas is a sensible way of looking after them.

I don't know if I would have taken her to A&E, it's hard to judge if you weren't there at the time. I hope she's fine and just a bit shaken

I'm quite bothered that you got to her before your DH though? So you woke up, heard the noise, jumped out of bed, out of the bedroom and down the stairs before he managed to stand up, walk across the living room and get to her? I'd honestly expect him to move if he heard his DC fall like that, she could have been seriously hurt. Or did he not wake up straight away if he was dozing? That's concerning either way.

Is your stairs carpet or wooden?

I wouldn't take her in unless she was showing signs of concussion, eg changes in behaviour, inability to focus or track with eyes etc.

When my two got to primary they bumped their heads pretty regularly and in 7 years of primary each they got taken to A+E precisely zero times.

Also you need to think about how you're talking about your husband - he's made a mistake, it's allowable.

I work for the NHS too btw.

Ah, just reread your comments, and saw she can open the stair gate. Surely you don't then watch her every minute she's awake to stop her getting up the stairs unsupervised? DS is just turned 3 and has been able to navigate the stairs alone for months. I really don't think the doctors at a&he are going to have an issue with her opening the stair gate and then falling down the suites - he could have been in the toilet or brewer get up or anything and she could have done that. I don't think it's nice that you're almost hoping they'll think he's a bad parent.

Oh come one mumof6, how is it at all helpful to the op to suggest her husband is driving around not bothering with a&e?! That's a ridiculous thing to plant in the head of an already worried mother. It's far more likely he has his phone on silent in a hospital - as is entirely appropriate.

I think you were overreacting in your haste and fear over a tumble down the stairs and a bump on the head yes but it depends on a few factors and her state afterwards.

I don't use stair gates and my 1 year old has fallen down twice and my 2 year old once, both had bumps, the one year old banged her head and neither required a&e. My one year old fell down stone steps on Friday and bumped her face and fell over at toddler group and bumped her forehead. Another occasion age 9/10 months she fell off our doorstep onto concrete and bumped her head at the back, there was a bloody bruise but she was fine. She has/has had plenty of knocks and bumps to the head and never been to a&e yet.

I think the bigger picture here is to teach your 3 year old how to go down stairs, it's something all 3 of mine could do by 12 months. Stair gates prevent this important lesson imo. Accidents happen but if you do pediatric first aid you'll be more confident in what warrants a hospital visit. A bump on the head doesn't always need a&e, it's not a golden rule.

I'd probably have waited to see how she was recovering from her fall first (watching out for vomiting or slower reaction) but you were not unreasonable. Kids are more flexible but can find it difficult to describe what is wrong so an extra check is fine imo.

YABVU.
If DD was ok, there was absolutely no reason to “rush” her to one of our overloaded A&E departments.

Kids fall over/down the stairs all the time. They are fairly bouncy at that age.

I think you over-reacted because you were looking for an excuse to have a go at DH for not (in your opinion) minding the DCs properly.