Did I overreact? DD (3) a&e

[Doublemint]

Hi, had a bit of a morning today.

I went out last night and was promised a lie in by DH. He took our DDs downstairs.

I'm fairly sure he sticks on Netflix/a DVD and falls asleep on the sofa. We have stair gates to the kitchen and at the door way to where the stairs are, so although I'm not happy about him dozing when it's my lie in, it's such a rare occurrence that I've let it go. More fool me I guess. Plus he doesn't admit to it.

Anyway-
I woke up to hearing our three year old tumble from the top to the bottom of the stairs. I jumped out of bed (a bit hungover) and got to her at the bottom of the stairs before DH. Straight away I said this is an a&e job. A toddler falling all the way down the stairs and banging her head, is, for me a case for a&e. My mums a nurse so generally don't take my kids in unless they've got an arm hanging off or whatever, but I know that head injuries need checking out.

So DH said I was being paranoid and over reacting. He got quite grumpy/angry with me to be honest, but I wasn't bothered, DD is obviously the priority. I said if it was me or him who had fallen that far, or if we were babysitting, we would go in. He rolled his eyes and basically inferred I was being dramatic because I'm hungover. He then took his sweet time in the shower and got dressed. I just stuck DDs shoes on and a coat and said GO! He got shitty saying she needed to get dressed properly first. I just kept saying you need to go! More eye rolling. DD had gone quiet by now and was just sitting on the stairs resting her head on the wall. She got a huge bump on the side of her head and her wrist was hurting.

I did say that if you don't take your child to a&e when necessary then that's basically neglect. I also said that they would question why the fuck he had fanny'd around getting her dressed, getting himself ready; because who does that?!

So AIBU in insisting DH take DD to a&e?

contrary a neurotypical 3-year-old shouldn't need supervising on stairs! If she really does, she needs to be taught how to go up and down safely asap.

Bit disingenuous then to use that situation as a stick to beat the op with Tittygolightly. She was checked out by a medical professional who told you not to go to a+e. It isn't generally advised not to seek any advice when your child is knocked unconscious.

Well you did fail to disclose that a doctor did check her over in your original post! Glad to hear that.

Not a doctor. He trained as a doctor and then chose a different path. But yes, I take your point.

I think you overreacted a bit. I think it would have been better to wait half and hour and see if she was ok first.
The half hour rule is a good one - if she was sick in this time or crying out her wrist still hurt then you could have taken her in ASAP. 30 mins wouldn’t have negatively affected her if she did need treatment but would have enabled you to take a step back and not panic.

Falling down the stairs is not an automatic a and e job - it’s only if you are worried they are seriously injured that she needed to go.

Can I just say the OP's hangover has absolutely nothing to do with this, and we have no evidence whatsoever that her husband is going to try and make her out to be some kind of lush who's an unfit mother, nor, that if he did say she was that the NHS staff would be concerned about someone having a night out and a lie in while the children's father looks after them while dozing. Why on earth, given that he didn't want to go in would he want to potentially create more hassle by implying his wife's a heavy drinker?

@TittyGolightly she would've need a thorough neuro exam and overnight stay to observe her. Possibly a head CT too to rule out a bleed. Your friend should've known better. Really? One of my kids got knocked down by a car, being driven by one of her teachers. She was bleeding from the back of her head and had a big lump. She was briefly unconscious but was complaining loudly about pain in her legs so they focused on that. I had to point out the head injury as they didn't notice it. Quick look at it and they said it didn't need stitches. She was discharged within 2 hours, no neuro exam and no overnight stay.

I tihnk the problem is there is so much focus on the scary head injury - that the wrist injury is being forgotten - and that certainly needs to be looked at and checked.

DD has had concussion (a bucket fell on her head at chessington workd of adventures) she was checked by first aid there but later at home showed signs of confusion and vomited. I rang 111 and doctors rang back twice in the night and once in the morning and talked us through the neuro exams because head injuries very much are a monitoring exercise.

The doctors absolutely will not say its a waste of time to bring her in - that is entirely unprofessional. The last time I was in A&E with DS a couple brought their 1 year old in who had fallen sitting off a small stool onto a carpeted floor. She then cried so she was a little sick. They were very patient and kind because its stressful being a parent and doing the right thing.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Our children A&E are always saying they'd rather we came in than not go in and potentially miss a sign of something wrong. My son fell down a flight of 15 solid concrete steps when he was just over 1. I was peeing and he opened the front door and off he went! He only had a bump on the head but I didn't even hesitate to take him, we got straight in the car. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

However I do think you unreasonable to be blaming your husband for falling asleep. Some people don't cope well with tiredness. I'm sure he'd have stayed awake or woke you up if he thought something like that would happen!

No one else is there, so I think only you can make judgement on the appropriate course of action.

Would I have? With the information you provided then probably not, but then I trained as a nurse and have a good idea what to look out for, so my instant reaction would not be A&E, but I wasn't there, I can't assess the size, shape and firmness of the lump. I think even if you had called out if hours or nhs direct they would have told you to get her checked out.

I think everyone reacts differently in those of situations, there is no right or wrong answer.

Well your DH has been a bit of an arse but I have to agree it's a bit of an overreaction to rush a seemingly well child to A&E.

Out of interest we moved into a house with 30 internal stairs when DC1 was just 2 (we moved on his 2nd birthday). We decided against stairgates as he needed to become au fait with the stairs.

Obviously we supervised etc and put baby gates up when we had our second child.

Hope all is ok?

Why on earth, given that he didn't want to go in would he want to potentially create more hassle by implying his wife's a heavy drinker? Maybe because his wife wants to punish him by making him go to hospital and answer the questions, which she framed as some sort of threat. What goes around comes around.

Maybe it's more that you have different attitudes to risk assessment?

I think that possible accidents involving water - eg children slipping under the surface - there is a real possibility of loss of life. (I don't know about showers though. It would seem more likely that a bit of messing about and tripping plus wet floors are more likely.)

I think in an ideal world the person who is a bit more less fearful encourages the hyper-vigilant one to relax slightly. And the person who is particularly conscientious points out areas where the more chilled out person may need to be a little more proactive.

I’d be furious with him, YANBU

GeekyBlinders - contrarya neurotypical 3-year-old shouldn't need supervising on stairs! If she really does, she needs to be taught how to go up and down safely asap.

Don't be stupid! She's three. She doesn't know how to cross the road by herself!

She's barely toilet trained at that age.

Don't listen, OP. This is your husband's fault.

Seriously I'm not trying to punish him.

DD needed to go in, in my opinion. He was looking after the kids, so he should take her. I'm up and looking after our youngest, I'm not a lush.

I went out for the first time since September for a friends birthday. I can't believe I'm having to defend myself for having a night out and a lie in!

No A&E department is ever going to mind a 3yo being brought in with a head injury.

If you have said that the OP WABU, please read the following.

The science is that subdural haematoma (or if you prefer, bleeding leading to a bruise on the brain) can occur with really quite minor falls. How minor is not known because of the limitations on what can permissibly be tested, the accuracy of what is reported by carers, the absence of brain imaging in minor cases and the shortcomings of transposing accurately identifiable traumas (car accidents being the most accurate) to other circumstances. Subdural haemotomas can resolve without effect. Those that do not can cause of cortical necrosis i.e. irreversible death of brain tissue. Brain damage does not always involve noticeable loss of function but I need hardly say that its effects can be completely devastating.

So please kids: if your child falls and hits their head, your default should be to go to A&E. That is not to say you will always go, but that should be the first thought.

Of course you shouldn’t be attacked for a night out

I do think you overreacted slightly - honestly next time just tell yourself to sit and cuddle them for 10/15 mins and then assess logically - is she vomiting, is she not herself - you’ll be waiting for 4 hours at a and e anyway. Just take one step back and don’t panic - as much for your dd’s sake showing her how to handle scary situations. You seemed to have not assessed but instead panicked and screamed at him.

I agree she probably needed to be checked out - but it wasn’t an EMERGENCY situation

My goodness accidents happen! It's not like he chucked her down the stairs. But with that happening, she should be taken to A&E to be on tge safe side, especially a bump on the had.

Huppo - so will they always do an mri for every head injury? I’m genuinely curious - my dd fell downstairs and I didn’t bring her in. We were told to look for loss of balance and vomiting - she had neither. I assumed they would have just monitored her and sent her home? Not done any real tests.

You said you hoped the hospital made him sweat and told him they'd consider it a safeguarding issue - it does sound like you think you know best and want to hassle him into doing it your way.

Depending on the shower set up and where he is folding laundry it may be perfectly fine for him to do the laundry while kids are in the shower. He's more risk tolerant than you are, that doesn't make you right or him negligent.

Sounds like you were both point-scoring against each other.

Glad your little girl is ok.

Seriously I'm not trying to punish him.

DD needed to go in, in my opinion.

In your DH opinion, she did not need to go in. What makes you think your parental opinion is more important than his? especially since journey weren't the one taking her in anyway

Evidently your DH's instincts were correct and your instincts incorrect on this occasion, since child was fine.

I can't believe I'm having to defend myself for having a night out and a lie in!

I don't think anyone has criticised you for having a night out and a lie in. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok so consensus is that I did overreact a bit, but maybe DH underreacted too, and next time (hopefully there won't be a next time!) to wait 10-15 minutes and review.

Thank you for the advice

I am glad that DD is ok, and your mind is put at rest. Of course you have to be mindful of safety, but a child of three should be 'stairs trained' IMO.