My partner is a sanctimonious knob. Discuss.

[Effemelle]

DP never does any housework. Ever.

Yes he’s the higher earner and does all the gardening and DIY and house insurance and car insurance, etc, etc. But he has never lifted a finger to clean inside our house. Maybe he did the hoovering once, if my memory serves.

He’s obsessed with the idea that chemicals in cleaning products alter our dna and are going to give us all cancer. Whenever he sees me cleaning with cleaning spray he gives me a patronising lecture about how I shouldn’t be using that, blah blah blah. He works in a scientific field and reckons he’s read research papers on it.

Tonight he saw me spraying cleaning spray on the hob, because it was dirty, because I’d cooked fucking dinner for everyone like I do every fucking night and was cleaning up on my own like I do every fucking night. (Dirty dishes left on top of the dishwasher anyone?)

I got the usual lecture about chemical sprays and joe I sprayed the hob and residue went all over the cooking utensils on the counter top and I’m going to poison us all, etc.

I just lost the plot. Who the fuck does he think he is? My dad? I’m so, so angry with his supercilious toss and even more so that he talked to me like that in front of the kids.

Im upstairs in bed. Like, super angry. More angry than I’ve ever been over the ‘chemical lextures’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. I think if he ever touched the kitchen to do anything other than eat food other people have prepared for him in it, maybe he’d have a right to say something.

I’m so pissed if I feel like throwing something. AIBU?

Did you say any of this to him?

Could he suggest what he'd rather clean with? and do it himself?

If he's so concerned then he can do it. I'd probably have squirted the cleaner at his clothes.

gummy i was going to say the same. I would have squirted him and told him to get over himself. I would be angry too.

Yes I said all that to him. But he thinks he has the inalienable moral high ground because my actions are endangering everyone.

He says when I clean things like the hob I should just use soap and water.

Preach, sister!

YANBU

Good God woman tell him to grow the fuck up and help out around the house.
And while he's at it, unless he's cleaning it he can shut up about it.

Tell him if he wants change, he can do the bloody cleaning himself...

He’s told me sooooo many times before about it and I obviously don’t listen because I’m still endangering us all with my reckless use of chemicals. So I can’t get upset when he says something because I should’ve just listened and stopped doing it when he first said it.

Apparently.

I use microfiber cloths to clean the hob with just water, dh doesn't complain, he uses squirty cleaning stuff when he does it, I don't complain.

Either he shuts up or he does it, he doesn't get to stand over you and tell you how to do something he is perfectly capable of.

He gets to have an opinion on cleaning products when he starts doing his share of the cooking and washing up.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'd be pissed off beyond belief. Why on earth are you still doing all the house work?

In our house the rule is that one person makes dinner, the other does the dishes. Suggest you implement that system and he can clean up wishing whatever he wants. What a twat.

(And DH earns twice as much as me, earnings are irrelevant. Hours worked outside the home are relevant and we are both work full time.)

''When you clean....''

So he's worried about cancer but not to the point he would pick up a mop.

Tell him to suggest something to clean it with. And then suggest he uses it. If he doesn’t like you using cleaning sprays then he can start using his own methods and then everyone will be happy. Well apart from him obviously. Because cleaning the kitchen is for the wimmin folk isn’t it?!

I think there are two seperate issues here. 1. He does no housework - you need to address this if you think he doesn't do his share. My DH does no housework, but, like your DH, does all the gardening, DIY, repairs, car maintenance etc and I consider this to be his contribution to the running of our home.

1. He disapproves of your cleaning material. He's probably right, they are not good for us and the environment, but you need to sort out something better. I tend not to use lots of cleaning products, because I feel that killing all bacteria is a bad thing. You could try things like lemon juice (for grease) bicarbonate of soda, white vinegar - all of these things are safe, cheap and do a good job.

It must be annoying, but he's probably equally annoyed that you go on using things that he sees as a danger to your family.

Go and talk to him.

Tell him when he cleans, he can use what he likes and you’ll continue to use what you like. Engage in no further discussion on the matter any time he brings it up.

He can’t ever suggest a better way of doing something to me because I go on the attack apparently.

Whenever I suggest a better way of doing something to him, he takes it on board and follows my advice. But when he suggests it to me, well, then I can’t take any criticism from him and always go nuts.

Oh god it’s clearly the day for twatty hob-cleaning complaints. DH moaned earlier that I am cleaning our hob too often, and with too many sprays of a product with a smell he doesn’t like, and I’m afraid I threw the bottle down and walked out. However, he apologised, popped to shop, purchased alternative product and cleaned it himself, so that was a win. And the old stuff did smell pretty grim.

In your case I’d be positively murderous.

Maybe you could point out the danger of dihydrogen monoxide to him. One of the most dangerous chemicals in the world and present in almost all food items.

The whole 'zomg chemikillz' toss grinds my gears, everything's a fucking chemical and a scientist should know better.

Agree with jeremycorbynsbeard - two separate issues.

How much gardening diy etc does he actually do?

Spray him with Cilit Bang.

How does he feel about washing powder that cleans his clothes?

If he genuinely feels your cleaning products will cause you all to get cancer why is he allowing his children to carry on living with you? Surely he loves them totally........?

I would tell him I am trying to fucking poison him and it clearly isn't working as he's still there being a twat.

Soap is very harmful to water organisms and would never pass the safety tests! Toothpaste and potatoes are carcinogenic, he may want to stop brushing his teeth The charcoal on food from BBQs is very dangerous, organic food allows natural pesticides such as highly toxic copper and animal poo! ... If he is a scientist then he should understand safety testing, risk assessment and exposure... He should also pull his weight and treat you with respect!