My partner is a sanctimonious knob. Discuss.

[Effemelle]

DP never does any housework. Ever.

Yes he’s the higher earner and does all the gardening and DIY and house insurance and car insurance, etc, etc. But he has never lifted a finger to clean inside our house. Maybe he did the hoovering once, if my memory serves.

He’s obsessed with the idea that chemicals in cleaning products alter our dna and are going to give us all cancer. Whenever he sees me cleaning with cleaning spray he gives me a patronising lecture about how I shouldn’t be using that, blah blah blah. He works in a scientific field and reckons he’s read research papers on it.

Tonight he saw me spraying cleaning spray on the hob, because it was dirty, because I’d cooked fucking dinner for everyone like I do every fucking night and was cleaning up on my own like I do every fucking night. (Dirty dishes left on top of the dishwasher anyone?)

I got the usual lecture about chemical sprays and joe I sprayed the hob and residue went all over the cooking utensils on the counter top and I’m going to poison us all, etc.

I just lost the plot. Who the fuck does he think he is? My dad? I’m so, so angry with his supercilious toss and even more so that he talked to me like that in front of the kids.

Im upstairs in bed. Like, super angry. More angry than I’ve ever been over the ‘chemical lextures’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. I think if he ever touched the kitchen to do anything other than eat food other people have prepared for him in it, maybe he’d have a right to say something.

I’m so pissed if I feel like throwing something. AIBU?

Does he drive a car? Does he ever use weedkiller or insecticide in the garden? Does he use eco paints for his DIY?

He's a physicist, right?

I never clean my cooker, thus avoiding these kinds of spats. :)

Seriously though, next time it's grim ask him to clean it and pass him some soap and water. Good fucking luck to him.

stateless I read it like he’s asked her not to do it multiple times and she refuses to just do something easy just because he’s asking her? What’s the point of a marriage where everything is a battle

I have had two husbands - not at the same time.

If one of them criticizes something I’m doing in the house I say, “Here, show me how it’s done” or the ever popular, “Do it your fucking self”.

This could be my dh, the only saving grace is my df has a husband who not only doesn't do housework, she's actually terminally ill and he moans that he will have to find money for a home help and train their eldest to cook and clean BEFORE she dies ! Tbh the fact he's still breathing shows how much restraint she and we have.

You're lucky my ex husband didn't do the housework, garden, DIY, paperwork, pay for anything, work or pay the mortgage or bills and still found time to tell me what I wasn't doing right.
i can't remember where I buried his body because I am too busy.

Even bicarb is toxic.

That's not the point, though. He's being an arrogant cock because you're doing a job that he wouldn't even deign to do, all wrong.

What a twat. I would feel same as you I’m afraid.

I would let him do it from now on.
If he thinks soap and water will do the job just as well, I suggest he tries it himself first.

And I say that as someone who is avoiding any chemicals in the house (so yes that means I don’t have any of those sprays).

But I would never Impose it on anyone else who is making all the effort to clean.

Whenever I suggest a better way of doing something to him, he takes it on board and follows my advice. But when he suggests it to me, well, then I can’t take any criticism from him and always go nuts.

You work too, clearly - you mentioned the big meeting. So I've a marvellous suggestion for a better way of doing something: he clearly feels incredibly strongly about the chemical situation, so he can do all the cleaning from now onwards to be certain it meets his exacting standards. Either that, or pay someone to do it, so he genuinely will be the supervisor and able to specify products.

Is he in any way appreciative for all the free labour you provide for him?

I agree with him on the chemicals, incidentally. He's still being a tosser.

And and yes please. Just spend the whole day having fun with the diy and let him get on with cleaning the kitchen and doing all the cooking.
For all 3 meals (and snacks and cups of tea for you of course).

Win win IMO. You get a whole day in peace and het gets to try out his fantastic ideas on cleaning.

I would tell him I am trying to fucking poison him and it clearly isn't working as he's still there being a twat.

Completely this to sort the problem.

Nxy. Nope I'm trying alternative words.. my daughter uses cheese-burger and chicken nugget

I don’t know why so many people seem to hate their OH’s,

Not wanting to be treated as an incompetent employee in front of your kids constitutes hatred of your OH? Are you for real?

if mine asked me to stop using chemicals to clean the kitchen in our house I would say ok. I wouldn’t start a war over it?! It’s so simple to comply with his reasonable request.

He doesn't do any of the cleaning. Why is suggesting a far more labour intensive method reasonable? It's not his business unless he gets off his arse (and high horse, obviously) and starts to do some of the work he's specifying. The OP's posts strongly imply that they both work outside the home, so he should be cleaning, and then he could use whatever products he wanted. Problem solved.

stateless I read it like he’s asked her not to do it multiple times and she refuses to just do something easy just because he’s asking her? What’s the point of a marriage where everything is a battle

Why is it okay for him to tell her how to do a chore that benefits him enormously, in a patronising and hectoring way, instead of pulling his weight and sharing the load? Cleaning with eco products - genuinely eco, not the marketing gimmicks - is a lot more work. That's why most people use the toxic stuff, time. It's her time he is proposing to waste, and he is speaking to her like she's his inferior. That's so not how a marriage is meant to be.

Crap scientist who "thinks he read it somewhere". Crap adult who wont clean. Crap human who doesn't recognise he's a bore.

sleep he does do household tasks though, he is doing the DIY and the gardening, and presumably when he expressed his preference for chemical free cleaning it was a reasonable request. Him not doing housework the Op wants him to do is a separate issue.

I would hate it if my husband respected me so little that when I expressed a view on chemical cleaning he flipped his lid and just continued to do it his way.

If you want him to do some extra housework why not ask? Maybe he thinks since he does a lot of other stuff the OP can do this? I think there’s a lack of communication.

It’s a simple request??

Surely not cleaning is more likely to make him sick. Stop cleaning. He will soon be reaching for the bleach himself after another bout of V&D.

*run his toothbrush round the inside of the toilet bowl a few times to speed this process up.

Just use bicarb and lemon. Why are you using shit in a bottle. They are so bad for you long term - he is partly right I'm afraid.

They just showed people who use bleach regularly will more likely have copd and similar lung issues too.

I would have sprayed him in the face.

Also stop cleaning up after the fucker

Tell him it’s up to him then to do it. Enforce this rule and leave the cleaning for several days, then lecture him on the fact he’s trying to give you all food poisoning.

I must confess I use very few chemicals and my house is probably a bacterial mankfest, but if DH says a word these days, he knows I’ll just tell him if he wants it doing the ‘right way’ he can go right ahead. Alternatively, he can be quiet or leave. His choice. So far he’s stayed, stopped moaning and started doing more. But he knows I would leave him if he started being an arse again.

I would hate it if my husband respected me so little that when I expressed a view on chemical cleaning he flipped his lid and just continued to do it his way.

So does it mean that your husband has to do everything like you want it to be, even if his ideas on the subjects are completely different than yours?
Or are you not supposed to be respectful of his ideas and accept that he just doesn’t see the problem?

In my world, you either let the person who is doing the Clinic getting in with th8nsg and just appreciate what they are doing and the fort gong into it.
Or you come to a compromise. But that means
1- being able to propose other ways to do things that are just as practical (because he isn’t the knew xleaning!)
2- not being a knob by being constantly patronising
3- accepting that some chemicals might be used as well as being able to say xx is really bad but actually yyy isn’t so awful.
It seems that the OP’s DH is unable to do any of that though....

Can you get some method. It sounds like you’re passive aggressively cleaning with bleach products because you don’t want to do the cleaning. That’s such over-analysis that it’s actually funny.

I can’t get involved in DIY at home because it means that I get to hold something or Hoover something while DH does the good stuff like drilling or hammering.