My partner is a sanctimonious knob. Discuss.

[Effemelle]

DP never does any housework. Ever.

Yes he’s the higher earner and does all the gardening and DIY and house insurance and car insurance, etc, etc. But he has never lifted a finger to clean inside our house. Maybe he did the hoovering once, if my memory serves.

He’s obsessed with the idea that chemicals in cleaning products alter our dna and are going to give us all cancer. Whenever he sees me cleaning with cleaning spray he gives me a patronising lecture about how I shouldn’t be using that, blah blah blah. He works in a scientific field and reckons he’s read research papers on it.

Tonight he saw me spraying cleaning spray on the hob, because it was dirty, because I’d cooked fucking dinner for everyone like I do every fucking night and was cleaning up on my own like I do every fucking night. (Dirty dishes left on top of the dishwasher anyone?)

I got the usual lecture about chemical sprays and joe I sprayed the hob and residue went all over the cooking utensils on the counter top and I’m going to poison us all, etc.

I just lost the plot. Who the fuck does he think he is? My dad? I’m so, so angry with his supercilious toss and even more so that he talked to me like that in front of the kids.

Im upstairs in bed. Like, super angry. More angry than I’ve ever been over the ‘chemical lextures’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. I think if he ever touched the kitchen to do anything other than eat food other people have prepared for him in it, maybe he’d have a right to say something.

I’m so pissed if I feel like throwing something. AIBU?

I sympathize.

My husband makes the characters of Men Behaving Badly like model men.

After 15 years of marriage, I have decided to stop nagging, as it just wears me out.

Rightly or wrongly, I am just accepting. Mine is perfect in every other way.

And as soon as we get a payrise, I want a cleaner.!

Ps:
Vinegar is the way forward

Cleaning should be shared but I also share his doubts about the overuse of chemicals. I know a lot of scientists, though I'm not one myself, plus the perfume in some sets my sinusitis off. I use bicarbonate of soap, lemon juice and vinegar. I use cheap Coca-Cola down the loo sometimes.

While I am in the same boat as you, i decided that he is correct. I am trying to use very few chemicals. The healthy ones work better mostly. Do NOT use those little pods in the dishwasher. They do not always completely dissolve and pipes clog.

I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it is to have badly trained dps but he has a good point. If it helps, every wife of scientist/engineer feels the same way...that they are smarty pants and very annoying, even though often right.

If this was reversed people would be outraged at the suggestion that a husband spray chemicals in his wife's face to make a point. The attitude here is sometimes unbelievable.

Is anybody else following the thread about saving the planet? The attitudes on this thread to the use of harsh chemical sprays is fairly shocking.
Two Mumsnets.

Stop doing the cleaning and cooking. Agree with him!

I'm the high earner in our house and deal with all the house admin (insurances, bills, etc), I still do cleaning around the house because I'm not an arsehole.

Personally the way I would deal with this is say "Since you have such strong views on how this should be done I think it would be best if you did it"

Put down sponge. Pour self glass of wine. Never clean the hob again.

I know how you feel, I wouldnt be able to stand it either.

I would try to just very mildly tell him that it's am interesting point and if he's so worried he should definitely buy or make up some alternative cleaning products. If he says you should do it, just look confused and say but you are happy with the cleaning products you have. If he then starts citing all the research again then just not sympathetically and say if he's so convinced he should definitely source alternative products. Just make him go round in circles.

If he ends up giving you crap products that don't work, then you can use the same process to suggest he uses them to clean himself because you have tried and they don't work.

*nod sympathetically

Ask him what the fuck he thinks soap and water is if it’s not chemicals?

Then stop washing his fucking clothes (chemicals) , and stop feeding him (chemicals.)

Then get over to feminism chat and join us on the facilitated men thread.

Don't clean or tidy for about a week. Go and do something lovely instead. Tell him that you've decided he should clean using products he feels happy with.

WHY would you want to have this problem? The "green" cleaning supplies work just as well. He is correct about chemicals. He may be a sanctimonious twit but is this about power or cancer? Choose wisely. I'm not going to do a lot of the outside chores that dh does, but he usually listens to me if i tell him how to garden. Some mn posts are not in the best interest of marriage or health unless I'm missing the joke. But i have a chronic, incurable illness so maybe I'm too sensitive.

I bet this is going on in his (and many, many other men's) subconscious:
"Ah, it's the weekend. I know I can't sit about and spend 48 hours straight on the Xbox, because I'm a Modern Man and I Do My Fair Share. So instead, a bit like tax avoidance rather than tax evasion, I'm going to undertake a chore that doesn't involve playing with or keeping an eye on the children, or ensure that we all have stuff to eat, clean clothes to wear or a tidy and clean house to live in because those are wimmin's chores aren't they. I will probably use a big implement to complete this chore, it will probably happen in the garden or on the drive, so the children can't watch or help because of the open road/aforementioned implement. So I get to do manly things, alone, and claim that I've been doing chores which contribute to the household, on my day off from my high-paying office job, while my wife does all those little things she does every single day, and she can just watch the children whilst doing them all, because that's her job and it's not really a job because she has time to run her little business and stay at home which is just like sitting on the sofa all day anyway, so why should I do any of those household things she does because I do my job which brings all the money in and she should do her job which is all the domestic drudgery."

"Ah, it's the weekend. I know I can't sit about and spend 48 hours straight on the Xbox, because I'm a Modern Man and I Do My Fair Share. So instead, a bit like tax avoidance rather than tax evasion, I'm going to undertake a chore that doesn't involve playing with or keeping an eye on the children, or ensure that we all have stuff to eat, clean clothes to wear or a tidy and clean house to live in because those are wimmin's chores aren't they. I will probably use a big implement to complete this chore, it will probably happen in the garden or on the drive, so the children can't watch or help because of the open road/aforementioned implement. So I get to do manly things, alone, and claim that I've been doing chores which contribute to the household, on my day off from my high-paying office job, while my wife does all those little things she does every single day, and she can just watch the children whilst doing them all, because that's her job and it's not really a job because she has time to run her little business and stay at home which is just like sitting on the sofa all day anyway, so why should I do any of those household things she does because I do my job which brings all the money in and she should do her job which is all the domestic drudgery."

Yes, exactly this.

Everything on earth is made up of chemicals. Even Gwyneth Paltrow

Effemelle. What does all that mean.

Effemelle copied HottySnanky post.

It means men smugly think they're performing the equivalent duties to their partners, when they go off and do something with toys electrical appliances that could wait while the rest of all the boring, tedious shit that's involved in running a household is done by their partners.

Have you ever had or tried to have a real discussion with him about the use of chemicals? Perhaps you'd benefit by actually sitting down and listening to what he has to say. Who does the cleaning is irrelevant to that discussion or to the issue. All adult members of the household are entitled to have some say about the environmental impact of their household.

I agree with him about the chemicals, but that's as far as it goes. After 36 years together, we have found a happy medium. He is really good at do it yourself, managing investments, fixing anything, including electrics, doing the garden, etc. I am good at the indoor household stuff, cooking tidying up. I have a cleaner to do the rest. In the early years I used to get really pissed off as we were both working full time, but at the weekends he would go and play in the garage leaving me to clean the ruddy house etc. So I told him I was not prepared to do this any more, so he got and paid for a cleaner. Problem solved. Now I generally cook dinner and he cleans up, funnily enough he's got quite good at it after all the pratice he's had. Now it's me that doesn't know how to work the dishwasher and I intend to stay that way. He gets his own lunch and brings me breakfast in bed ie only porridge and coffee. This seems to work but it takes years of practice. You could suggest he gets a cleaner and trains her in how to clean in a more enviromentaly way. At the moment I am in bed after a fall, and guess what, for a man that couldn't boil an egg, I am getting lots of different meals, albiet some of them unedible but he is improving daily. Oh and for the first time ever, under instruction he found the washing machine and did three washes. OMG I never thought I would see the day heh heh. Seriously though if you cook dinner, he should definately clean up.

Regarding non biodegradable fibres: just seen this...
Stella McCartney and Ellen MacArthur call for fashion sustainabilitywww.bbc.co.uk/news/business-42150572

Link to a study which although probably not that good does suggest it might be a good idea to avoid spraying polish etc if you can. Considering it's possible to clean without spraying and breathe everything, why not avoid?

www.theguardian.com/society/2004/oct/19/health.uknews