To refuse to participate in Secret Santa this year...

[helen3000]

This is trivial - first world problems and so on.

So in my workplace (22 people,) we had a secret Santa last year. (First time we have done it.) We all work different shifts, (as the place is open 12 hours a day,) and some people work different days to others. We decided to pick names (out of a box!) and buy for whoever we picked. You probably all know how it works, you all pick a name, and whichever name you get, you buy for. (And the person you pick is unlikely to have got your name.)

So I picked someone - I will call her Alison - and set out to buy her a gift, which I did. I wrapped it, and left it in the 'Secret Santa cupboard' where we were all due to pick up our gifts on the Friday (the 23rd) which was our last day. People were picking them up at different times because of the varying shifts.

So, everyone went excitedly to the 'cupboard' for their gifts at varying times of the day (on the 23rd,) for their Secret Santa gift. I was one of the last on that day (1pm til 6.30pm shift,) and I went for my gift. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Long story short, I had no gift. I asked the manager where it was, and she said she has no idea, and didn't even know who was meant to be buying me, When I asked a few others, no-one else seemed to know either.

Suffice to say, I was the only one without a gift. The only one out of 22 people.

I did contemplate picking a name (this year,) and just not buying a gift (like someone did to me last year,) but that would probably make someone feel as shit as I did, and it is very unlikely I will pick the person who didn't get a gift for me last year.

It's trivial I know, but I was really hurt.

So AIBU to refuse to participate this year?

I would advise you to dropout OP. I would not take part in SS myself unless it was totally unavoidable. I only buy presents for my kids and grandkids now. I just don't see the point in unrelated adults buying each other things.If people can afford it then a collection for charity instead is a lovely idea.

Haven't read through everything, but given how people steal from office fridges all the time, isn't it in the realm of possibility that a co-worker nicked yours? That your Secret Santa *did buy for you, but some asshat took it in addition to their own gift?

Sorry, OP, I totally understand why you'd opt out. Be honest with the organizer and ask that person to communicate that to everyone else.

And may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the pubes of who stood you up.

Been in your position OP and it’s utterly crap. I knew the person who was supposed to buy for me and he had no remorse (others in the department challenged him about it - he said he “forgot” but made no effort in January and by Feb it had all been forgotten about by the rest of the team). Did hurt though as again like you, I was the only person who didn’t get something despite spending £10 on a gift for someone else.

Never participated the next year even though by then he’d left the organisation and have always avoided these sort of things since. Would rather spend the money on my family tbh as at least I know it’ll be appreciated.

It one thing for people to be handing them round at a work social event, but I think the fact that it's left in a cupboard and people randomly pick it out at odd times of day defeats the whole point if there is one and is another good reason for you to say no.

Two years ago we all unwrapped our SS presents in a circle. Mine? A book. "Look 10 years younger than you are" with diet and make-up help for the late middle-aged. Cue much hilarity.

Yes - I'm the oldest by a long chalk in my office. Yes, I laughed with all the pretty young things. Then I went home, looked in the mirror and cried a little. Still don't know who gave me the present, and I've loathed SS ever since.

This is why I always organise the SS myself and remove my name. I then go and buy a gift for myself, wrap it and add it to the sack. I have the ‘oh my God, I LOVE it!’ Down to a fine art.

It sucks if someone doesn’t bother to get the gift for their recipient.

Yanbu. That's not nice to be left out that way.
I did it in my old place but everyone told everyone who had what....that's not secret santa to me, so the following year I declined the offer to join.

Grilled that's genius
I'm organising this year and I'm going to pick myself a good one. I don't care who gets me but I know who I want to buy for!

I 100 per cent this sort of stuff at work. Why do the stupid secret Santa? Leave Xmas to time at home with family etc. Work is work. Also absolutely f-Ing loathe work Xmas parties, the worst

Don't get me started on work Xmas parties. I have three this year for some reason. I'm going to one, begrudgingly

I think the idea of everyone donating to a food bank fund instead of SS is brilliant!
OP do what you feel you want to, but you could suggest the charity donation as a nicer option to SS.

Your manger is rubbish. When I was in charge of a team, I ensured they got the choice if the nice presents at Christmas - we were given chocolates and booze by clients. I made sure it was divided up fairly and junior members of staff treated equally to more senior ones. I didn't take any for myself - a few shit things were left - I just chucked them back in for other people.

In contrast when I was a junior I had such a selfish team leader. He took all the best gifts. I tried to choose one thing and he whined "well you can't have that because I want it" like a petulant toddler. That was when I decided to be a nice manager. Not a twat.

Your manager should discreetly have given you his present. I think so anyway.

Use Elfster next time if you have to do it. It is a free app. It is brilliant. Offer to be admin then you can be sneaky a ensure you don't get someone to don't like.

Then there is a register of who buys for who. You can fill and likes and dislikes info but in too. Can't recommend it highly enough.

Urgh, my team at work have decided to do this this year as well. And the budget has been set at £10.

I’m in a small team and it’s one of those things that if you opt out people will think you’re a misery so you kind of get railroaded into it. But I genuinely can’t be arsed with the whole Secret Santa thing. I can think of better things to spend £10 on. Bah humbug

I don’t think YABU at all given what happened last time. Why should you put yourself out again? Sod em.

No, I never do. There main reasons:

1. I have another to sort and be worried about over Christmas

2. I don't want to be given another bit of tat to take up space in my house. We produce and consume way to much shite anyway.

3. I wouldn't want to impose more tat or shite on anyone else this time of year.

enough*

Antigrinch I think you’re out of order. If you know you can’t afford it, then pull out ! Imagine how someone will feel opening a £1 charity book when they’ve spent £10,time and effort to do theirs. I understand you don’t have money , but in that case you pull out. Very selfish behaviour I think.

Seriously though, never enjoyed it myself. Dh asked me the other night what I thought he could get for a male colleague and it's got to be reasonably serious. I have no idea!

Don't bother OP. Say you aren't participating.

Someone has instigated SS at our place of work.

One arsehole has been slyly public about the fact he picked out the Director and has bought a set of hand lotions. The Director is missing an arm and has fingers missing from his other hand.

I am buying for arsehole so thinking of a lobotomy.

Wouldn't take part. Obviously someone couldn't be bothered, or your gift was stolen. Someone must have had your name or the numbers wouldn't work out. Can never understand the need for this type of thing. Are there actually some folk who do not get any gifts from family etc that this practice started up.Nightmare.

Pancakeflipper sounds like he's probably being a prick on the face it? How well does he know the director? The only reason I ask is because one of my ex forces mate I know would see the funny side of it. He has a very dark sense of humour about his missing limb (lucky really because we all share a pretty gopping sense of humour).

This person has a track record for nasty sly behaviour. He's not mates with the Director.
He has his little gang of mates who bitch and the rest of the office keep away from him and keep quiet cos' if you stand up to him it's hell.
He turns every what should be fun events into a snide event. The charity cakebake event for a local charity became a huge issue.

Draining and frustrating so we just focus on the decent folk in the office.

Id encourage the use of an app like elfster. That way, after the event, you can see who got who. Should make those people who cant be arse but happily take for themselves, do something.

I think you have a good reason not to participate.

I'd say to the organiser: please take my name out of it this year. Last year, I bought a gift and nobody bought a gift for me so I won't be participating this year.

I mean actually, it's not about getting the gift, it's just so mindless, adults giving adults random poor quality shite that they don't need, want or like . Fucked up!

Pancakeflipper fair enough, sound like a dick. That's a horrible thing to do in context. Just asking because sometimes there is a diffent dynamic going on for the norm in terms of bonding.