To refuse to participate in Secret Santa this year...

[helen3000]

This is trivial - first world problems and so on.

So in my workplace (22 people,) we had a secret Santa last year. (First time we have done it.) We all work different shifts, (as the place is open 12 hours a day,) and some people work different days to others. We decided to pick names (out of a box!) and buy for whoever we picked. You probably all know how it works, you all pick a name, and whichever name you get, you buy for. (And the person you pick is unlikely to have got your name.)

So I picked someone - I will call her Alison - and set out to buy her a gift, which I did. I wrapped it, and left it in the 'Secret Santa cupboard' where we were all due to pick up our gifts on the Friday (the 23rd) which was our last day. People were picking them up at different times because of the varying shifts.

So, everyone went excitedly to the 'cupboard' for their gifts at varying times of the day (on the 23rd,) for their Secret Santa gift. I was one of the last on that day (1pm til 6.30pm shift,) and I went for my gift. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Long story short, I had no gift. I asked the manager where it was, and she said she has no idea, and didn't even know who was meant to be buying me, When I asked a few others, no-one else seemed to know either.

Suffice to say, I was the only one without a gift. The only one out of 22 people.

I did contemplate picking a name (this year,) and just not buying a gift (like someone did to me last year,) but that would probably make someone feel as shit as I did, and it is very unlikely I will pick the person who didn't get a gift for me last year.

It's trivial I know, but I was really hurt.

So AIBU to refuse to participate this year?

Why prevaricate? Why even spend time thinking about it? You tried it. It was shit. So no more. 'I've decided not to participate this year.' Job done.

I can see why you were upset- I would be too but I think you’d look petty if you refused to take part in the basis that you didn’t get a present last year. I’d either refuse without a reason or just assume it was an oversight last year and take part again.

SS is an utter waste of money and just contributes to pointless tat ending up in landfill. YANBU not to want to take part.

And as for receiving a gift being an indicator of whether you are 'popular' or not - what nonsense. I've seen people be overlooked because someone forgot, or someone left, or someone just CBA. It does not serve as an indicator that the entire office dislikes you.

In our team we’ve decided to leave Secret Santa for this year and instead each buy a fiver’s worth of stuff for the food bank. We’re going to take it down the week before Christmas. Bit of resistance at first but everyone’s come round now - less waste, less crap that’ll end up in landfill, less panic buying. And we hope it’ll help people going through a rough time, of course.

God I hate SS!

We have a budget of £12-15 - honestly up to £15! I don't spend that much on some of my family!

And then it's a scarf, or collection of stupid things (plate to put things in, on the dressing table? i just put things on the dressing table) Ring Holder? I don't wear rings. Yet another thing to put on the dressing table.

I get that it#s supposed to be a fun thing, or to save you spending out on small presents for colleagues - but why? Christmas cards are enough, surely? They are colleagues, not friends.

That isnt good, but maybe this year just say ' not taking part' and leave it at that.

YADNBU, I've said no this year as well, due to history of either being forgotten or getting really crappy thoughtless presents when I've put effort into what I buy. One year someone piped up "oh I had you Cherry but forgot to bring it in". Never said anything after that and never saw a present. Twat

michaela84
And yet I always get a gift!

Your point is?

I think you’d look petty if you refused to take part - so what?

I really don't think I understand this Christmas stuff. I thought it was about family, and gifts that someone might actually want/need - not loads of tat, buying for the sake of spending money, piles of 'fun junk going to landfill later the same day.

It's not even in the 'spirit' of Christmas. It's just buying/spending/giving.

And yet I always get a gift!

I’m surprised at that because you sound vile

Or maybe you’re less brave when you’re not hiding behind a keyboard

Same thing happened to me. I don't participate any more. No point anyway - what's the piece of receiving a piece of tat from someone you hardly know? The point of presents is thoughtful gifts from/to people you care about, not a £5 bath set from someone you don't know.

Slightly different but a few years ago when my DD was in year 7, the form teacher announced they would do a S S and all 30 pupils pulled a name out of 'the hat' and told to buy a chocolate gift. I had no problem with that and thought it would add to the festive atmosphere near the end of term.

The S S day came and DD said it was quite upsetting as 'Alice' was the only one to not receive a present. It doesn't help that 'Alice' obviously comes from a troubled home, is very unkempt and, unfortunately for her, smelly.

I said 'yes but surely form tutor had a few spare, wrapped gifts for exactly this circumstance?' Amazingly she hadn't which I was appalled by. Surely she had thought this was a distinct possibility with 11 / 12 year olds. DD asked if she could take something in which she did.
I was fully expecting DD to say that her gift wasn't needed as form tutor had bought a gift. But she hadn't! She complimented DD on her thoughtfulness......

I was not impressed.

I'd have been annoyed to. But blame the organiser. Your boss was pathetic just shrugging her shoulders. What a horrible woman. If I liked most of my colleagues and thought they were a good bunch I'd probably participate. If I didn't then I'd say still waiting on last year's gift. When I get that one I'll buy this year's.

YANBU. Even if it wasn't personal or deliberate I can see how hurtful it must've been for you. If asked I'd be honest and say you don't want to do it because last year you bought a gift but didn't receive one.

Although I used to like it many years ago it was only because I liked the team I worked with, but this year I've been asked if I'll take part (totally different environment) and I don't want to. TBH I'm just not really into most of the people I'm with now and I also really don't want something else to think about/do. Plus I hate tat. Unfortunately these people are also up for going for a group meal and I don't want to do that either. I'm going to look like a right antisocial wotsit if I don't though.

Also it was surprisingly bothering not to get anything! Not that I care about the piece of tat at all but I know what you mean OP. It still annoys me now 4 years later!

I'd email everyone and say as you were deliberately excluded last year, you won't be taking part this year. Call them out on it!

The organiser can use a secret Santa website, you pop everybody’s emails in and it generates an email telling you who to buy for and if somebody doesn’t get a present you can log in and see who the CF is that didn’t buy one.

I always suggest using this in office secret Santa’s as there is always one absolutely cheeky fucker

helen3000, Opt out; Christmas isn't about 'secret santa' and whilst the premise might have been pleasant, the reality is often disappointing. Never mind the little things and the office secret santa is possibly something that many others would like to opt out of too. Be a pioneer!

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Michaela84, I'm trying to work out what your motive is for your spite but I've just come to the conclusion that you're generally rather inadequate and perhaps just an attention-seeking troll?

I'm so sorry this happened to you op, what a horrible thing to happen and it would really upset me too and make me feel like shit. I sympathise with you so much

and of course there are always the shitty posters on MN coming along to make you feel even worse

Wouldn’t blame you for opting out this year, OP. I’d be very hurt too.

We do it well in my office. Very close team of 12. We have a £25 limit so you get a pretty decent gift. Last year, I got a mini hamper with selections of my favourite chocolates, and little bottles of gin. Loved it.

The person who organises ours keeps note of who picks whom. Then, on the cut-off date, you give your gift to her and she makes sure everyone is accounted for. We wouldn’t tolerate someone taking the piss by not giving a gift, unless there were exceptional circumstances in which case we’d have enough notice to come up with a replacement gift so nobody is left out.

marmite what was the teacher thinking?

AntiGrinch, your post made me laugh So a couple of weeks ago when I was in a really good Oxfam second hand book shop, I bought a really mad quirky book for £1.

It reminded me of a New Year SS, where one man, renowned for his cheeseparing habits, despite being well off, combined with the ultimate in sanctimoniousness, (not suggesting for a monent that you are like this, AntiGrinch!) boasted that he had bought a great book for £2 thus saving himself £8.

When the presents were distributed the recipient leafed politely through the book and discovered a mass of dollar notes.

Donor was furious and demanded them back so that he could 'give them to a charity" .

As if!

michaela84
You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

Stop trying to stir the pot, it doesn't send any type of message other than a 'lazy arse' one.

I used to get all manner of crap gifts one yr on a night shift I was talking to my colleague and the issue of secret Santa cane up I think another colleague brought it up my first colleague looked sheepish and confessed she had picked my name out of the hat and I had picked her name out so I just said well what would you really like then she told me and I got it for her and I got the wine I asked for

michaela84**@BakedBeans47

And yet I always get a gift!

Because they're wary of upsetting someone so bitchy. Always the same with bullying types.