To refuse to participate in Secret Santa this year...

[helen3000]

This is trivial - first world problems and so on.

So in my workplace (22 people,) we had a secret Santa last year. (First time we have done it.) We all work different shifts, (as the place is open 12 hours a day,) and some people work different days to others. We decided to pick names (out of a box!) and buy for whoever we picked. You probably all know how it works, you all pick a name, and whichever name you get, you buy for. (And the person you pick is unlikely to have got your name.)

So I picked someone - I will call her Alison - and set out to buy her a gift, which I did. I wrapped it, and left it in the 'Secret Santa cupboard' where we were all due to pick up our gifts on the Friday (the 23rd) which was our last day. People were picking them up at different times because of the varying shifts.

So, everyone went excitedly to the 'cupboard' for their gifts at varying times of the day (on the 23rd,) for their Secret Santa gift. I was one of the last on that day (1pm til 6.30pm shift,) and I went for my gift. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Long story short, I had no gift. I asked the manager where it was, and she said she has no idea, and didn't even know who was meant to be buying me, When I asked a few others, no-one else seemed to know either.

Suffice to say, I was the only one without a gift. The only one out of 22 people.

I did contemplate picking a name (this year,) and just not buying a gift (like someone did to me last year,) but that would probably make someone feel as shit as I did, and it is very unlikely I will pick the person who didn't get a gift for me last year.

It's trivial I know, but I was really hurt.

So AIBU to refuse to participate this year?

I've had that happen to me
Not nice

I was asked to participate in not one but two secret santas this year. One was easy to decline as I'm not going to that lunch - I'm kind of split between two areas - the other one was really awkward as asked in person. I really like the lady who's running it and normally take part in things so she and the blokke who sits beside me were quite nonplussed about it.

My reasons are multiple. Firstly I don't particularly enjoy Christmas shopping so don't willingly want to do more of it. Secondly we already have loads of stuff so do not need more things. It just seems like a waste of money and something to cart home in my rucksack.

Quite surprised they still do it, my old tesm moved to charity gifting instead a number of years ago.

Sounds very poorly organised to me.
At one place I used to work at, the worst thing that happened re secret Santa was when the organiser invited everyone except the (very small number) of women in the office to take part. Even men who were rarely in the office were included. But didn't bother to explain to those who weren't invited his weird thinking...

So the colleagues around you start chatting about secret Santa, you ask "what secret Santa?" and they reply "didn't you get the email?" Followed by some awkwardness when it turns out that no, you didn't, and must have been deliberately removed from the office distribution list for this to happen. That's pretty hurtful! In a way it was a relief to discover that all the women were excluded, because it felt less personal.

Going against the grain here. I've had 3 experiences of secret Santa and have quite enjoyed them.

1. A very well organised one where, along with drawing a name from the hat, we all got a printed list of 3 things under £10 that each participant had chosen. So everyone received something they actually wanted.
2. A Poundshop one. I'd only been temping at the place for a week, and didn't know anything about it, but someone thought to get me a gift and, while it was obviously not going to be anything breathtaking (as everything had to come from poundshops), I found the gesture of being included really touching.
3. My current one. There are only 6 of us where I work now, so we all know each other pretty well and get things we know we'll like and use/eat/drink.

Hooble I like secret Santas too, but only when they are well organised, the spending limit is set low, no-one is excluded, and there is no pressure/drama to take part.

I just wouldn’t take part this year. If anyone asks, just tell them why.

dont blam u for not doing it anymor i mean what a mean thing to do

SS is a load of crap!! I have refused to take part in mine. Some people have too much money to spend!!

YANBU just decline on the grounds that it didn’t work last year as someone (don’t need to say it was you unless asked) didn’t get a gift.

We are having a £1 one this time..that's okay for me. If it was more than £1 I'd decline .We did it once before, same old story...I made a big effort, Got something marked down from £30 to £10 so it was worth more than the budget iykwim. recipient barely acknowledged it, Id wrapped with ribbons and tree decorations which she tossed in the bin.and I got a bit of jewelry in a mashed box that wasn't new..the rest of them ended up with stupid cups and candles, it's a farce.

I'm not doing it. We do it within our team and have a £10 limit. Last year I got some plastic jewelry from poundland, a ring and bracelet and the kind of thing you might give a 4 year old. I opened it, threw it straight in the bin and just carried on working. There's a woman on the team who is quite odd and who doesn't really like me and it was almost certainly from her.

Some years ago we did SS, along with everyone bringing in drinks and nibbles. One year I said I wasn't doing SS bit, couldn't see the problem, I don't buy anyone anything, they don't buy me anything, job done. OMG you'd think I'd suggested boiling babies!
I was told in no uncertain terms if I didn't do one I couldn't do the other. ( bearing on mind everyone brought in something for the drinks and nibbles bit, which I was happy to do).
Anyway, as I was the first person EVER to decline the SS thing, a few others decided to join me as they had been wanting to do the same for years but didn't have the courage ( lead from the front, that's me!) We had our own "breakaway drinks and nibbles " in our office, while the rest of them had theirs elsewhere. All three of us were very happy, more chocolate to share between 3.
The following year, someone must have said something (or come to their senses and stopped acting like 10 year olds) and everyone could attend the drinks and nibbles bit but not necessarily partake in SS. Glad I don't work there anymore.

Good for you, Wash. I think this is often something that is foisted on staff when, of their own volition, they wouldn't do it.

I buy one of my colleagues something because we're friends. The rest of the team I just like as colleagues but we're not friends.

One year in a work secret santa I was given some bath salts for ‘bad tempers’. I opened on Christmas Day in front of my family and was mortified. I was happy working there and whilst I wasn’t super close to anyone I thought I got on with everyone well and certainly didn’t act as if I was in a bad temper! I spent a lot of time wondering who had got me that and why and left soon after (not just due to that but I was pretty hurt!). Why use secret santa to be so nasty?

I agree I haven't stopped that's nasty. I haven't had that but I usually chose carefully and bought a colleague a nice gift that I'd have been pleased to receive. Our limit is £7.50 and this was something nice quality that had been reduced from £15.

Several weeks later I heard the woman blasting out to colleagues, a supposedly sensitive soul, "oh mine was real rubbish this year - horrible stuff no-one would like.

Very rude imo but I know she's a twit so why care but what bothers me is she's someone the whole office has to tip to.e around.

That's horrible OP, someone should have taken more notice of what was brought in and had them due in earlier so replacements could be done if needed. I would have no issue saying no after that.

The last few years i had it pretty easy with SS, one was a huge Charlie Hunnam fan so i photoshopped photos of her with him and framed them in one of those collage frames. She absolutely loved it (her husband not so much Another co-worker saw told me for weeks after if i got her next i was to do the same with her favourite footballer, i swapped with someone last year so i could do it for her and make it easier for myself.

This year we are not choosing out of a hat but just bringing in a present to put under the tree. I have no idea what to get, i voted to do names again but we lost. I might suggest the raffle ticket on the present idea mentioned previously though.

SS is only worth it if you have people who make a decent effort in my experience.

I forgot to say the other reason I dislike Secret Santa! It’s actually banned at my work because people were such idiots last time.
There’s male:female ratio of 70:30 at my workplace and some REALLY inappropriate gifts were given to female members of the team. A ball gag was the worst but there were lots of other overtly sexual / “sexy” presents like tacky fancy dress outfits.
I was given belly dance accessories (I actually love going to belly dancing classes but I’ve never told any of my colleagues about this hobby). And when I unwrapped it them was lots of “why don’t you try it out now!” comments.
We unwrapped all our gifts at the office Christmas lunch which made it really mortifying. There’s having a bit of a laugh with people, and then there’s giving presents to make people feel embarrassed and uncomfortable & then laugh AT them.

I believe that the Secret Santa organiser knew which people had given the inappropriate gifts but not sure if HR was involved but it wasn’t ever repeated!

Thanks Lying. It always seems to be me that stands up and says what everyone is thinking but never actually says anything!
Where I work now we have to actively join the SS thing, I was asked last week, no thank you I replied, job done and no dramas. So refreshing.

We do a £5 secret Santa. Everyone buys a unisex £5 gift and it goes into a bag. Count the presents and if all’s ok Santa randomly allocates. Saves a lots of angst getting something for a specific person you might not know well.

Last year I got a small box of ferro rocher and a scratch card and was very happy (never won, but choc was good).

I was just told that we were doing SS. £10 budget. I drew the woman who’s recently tortured me over maternity leave and returning to work.

I don’t want to do it, I can’t afford it, but i’ll be moaned about if I don’t. So i’ll have to get on with it.

Next year, if I still work there, i’ll be declining when they come round with the list...

I said 'yes but surely form tutor had a few spare, wrapped gifts for exactly this circumstance?' Amazingly she hadn't which I was appalled by. Surely she had thought this was a distinct possibility with 11 / 12 year olds. DD asked if she could take something in which she did.
I was fully expecting DD to say that her gift wasn't needed as form tutor had bought a gift. But she hadn't! She complimented DD on her thoughtfulness

My DD is a teacher and used to teach at a school where they did this, she always had a couple of presents just in case and she said someone was always left out.

You should be proud of your daughter, she sounds lovely.

I think the £25 budget poster is absolutely nuts! £25???

That's more than i spend on members of my family. Yeah it's a decent amount for a decent present - but fuck that is a lot of money. To me anyway. I certainly wouldnt know what to buy a colleague for that.

If anyone is looking for inspiration for bad gifts I have a good one, I've told it before on MN.

In my last job I had a friend and colleague (who did the same job as me), we'll call him Carl. In the January we had a restructure which meant we all the people in our job got new managers. Carl got 'Keith'.

Keith spent the whole year being a total wanker to Carl. Took credit for his work, belittled him constantly in front of others, treated him as his PA (that was not our job BTW) and worst of all, when Carl went on paternity leave he requested a 2 day extension to it as his wife had an EMCS and her wound became infected, she could barely move and they had no family nearby to help. Keith refused the 2 days, and Carl's wife had to just suffer on her own. I saw my good friend crumble before my eyes, how he didn't have a nervous breakdown I'll never know.

So come Christmas we drew secret Santa's and of course typically Carl got Keith. He is a good bloke and decided to be the bigger man and bought a very nice bottle of whiskey. On the day of exchanging, the organiser gave everyone a heads up to say it's happening at 4pm. Keith had a massive strop about not knowing (despite numerous emails going round), blamed Carl for not reminding him and announced he had drawn Carl and he'd have to go out at lunch to buy something.

Keith came back from lunch and I could see 4 cans of Special Brew in his Tesco bag. The budget was £10, he is on £90k. Carl doesn't drink, Keith knew this.

After Carl saw his gift in the bag, he said to me that the whiskey would be going to his dad and would I help him go to Tesco and find Keith a shit gift. I of course agreed. So we went, asked them for a large box and then filled it with £10 worth of Tesco value pasta. Keith was on a no-carb diet. We wrapped the box and when it came out Keith was like a strutting peacock thinking he got a really good gift. His face when he saw it was priceless his manager made him fish it out the bin and donate it to the food bank

I've tried to make it clear that whoever gets me in our Secret Santa should get me an "Oxfam goat" type present , preferably an animal charity. Last year someone made a donation to the PDSA and another year the SSPCA were the beneficiary. Which was great.

Our budget is £10. Whoever I pick will get at least twice that as I can't be bothered trying to find anything that looks presentable at that price range and I would sooner spend money than time on it.

I’m a lot older than most of my colleagues. One year I got a Scenic Britain calendar of the kind you’d give your gran. I was humiliated.