To refuse to participate in Secret Santa this year...

[helen3000]

This is trivial - first world problems and so on.

So in my workplace (22 people,) we had a secret Santa last year. (First time we have done it.) We all work different shifts, (as the place is open 12 hours a day,) and some people work different days to others. We decided to pick names (out of a box!) and buy for whoever we picked. You probably all know how it works, you all pick a name, and whichever name you get, you buy for. (And the person you pick is unlikely to have got your name.)

So I picked someone - I will call her Alison - and set out to buy her a gift, which I did. I wrapped it, and left it in the 'Secret Santa cupboard' where we were all due to pick up our gifts on the Friday (the 23rd) which was our last day. People were picking them up at different times because of the varying shifts.

So, everyone went excitedly to the 'cupboard' for their gifts at varying times of the day (on the 23rd,) for their Secret Santa gift. I was one of the last on that day (1pm til 6.30pm shift,) and I went for my gift. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Long story short, I had no gift. I asked the manager where it was, and she said she has no idea, and didn't even know who was meant to be buying me, When I asked a few others, no-one else seemed to know either.

Suffice to say, I was the only one without a gift. The only one out of 22 people.

I did contemplate picking a name (this year,) and just not buying a gift (like someone did to me last year,) but that would probably make someone feel as shit as I did, and it is very unlikely I will pick the person who didn't get a gift for me last year.

It's trivial I know, but I was really hurt.

So AIBU to refuse to participate this year?

Welcome @helen3000!

Have a good day (and NO SS shopping!).

Well, michaela84, ain’t you a delight?

I hate secret santa. I like to be thoughtful and buy something with that person in mind, but usually receive something I don't want so it goes straight to the charity shop. I feel I'm easy to buy for, too, with obvious hobbies and interests.

YANBU to opt out and I wouldn't think any less of anyone at my work who did the same.

This happened a couple of years ago in an organisation I lead. The one recipient without was upset as were a couple of other staff members who didn't think it fair. I addressed it by putting up a large notice in the staffroom.

Dear fellow Santa's, thank you for providing us all with lovely gifts this Christmas. Unfortunately one 'Secret Santa' forgot to bring a present and put it in the sack. As we all know how busy Santa can be at Christmas, the sack is still there. I am sure, fellow Santa's, you will make sure the present arrives...in 'secret' of course!

It did arrive and got the point across that it had been noticed.
One happy band of fellow Santa's!

You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

So you think the SS deliberately didn't buy the OP a present because they don't like her, rather than they forgot/couldn't be arsed? What sort of person is that mean-spirited towards their colleagues? You?

Most of us if we got somebody we didn't particularly like would just get them something generic, rather than spend ages choosing something; it takes somebody really shitty to just not bother at all.

I hate Secret Santa. You can’t ever get a decent gift for a tenner. I just say “not for me thanks” and don’t need give an answer why. Pretty sure no one hasn’t ever even noticed i don’t take part.

And michaela84 I am quite sure you wouldn’t be this rude in real life.

@ShirleyPhallus

Pretty sure no one hasn’t ever even noticed i don’t take part.

No one hasn't? So someone has?

Double negs aside, your colleagues have definitely noticed!

SS is shit! Someone always gets no gift, or some utter shit or something designed to bully and humiliate them because some people are twats. Just opt out!

That was a typo! I don’t see how anyone WOULD notice. In a team of 40 people no one is exactly going to trawl through all the presents doing a check against team list and names. How would anyone know there isn’t a gift with my name on apart from the Main organiser?

Michaela don't be so horrible

Most people who pull the name of someone they don't like will just get a crappy generic gift. Or swap names with someone else. Even if the person who was supposed to buy for OP did hate her so much they deciddd to deliberately not buy her anything, that's only one horrible person

It is mean spirited and nasty really. If they hadn’t got you a gift they should of not taken the gift someone got for them. Nobody ‘forgot’ to get you a gift they just couldn’t be bothered.

I wouldn’t take part this year and I’d just say to the organiser “ I don’t wish to take part this year as last year whoever got me didn’t bother getting me a gift”

That’s rubbish OP and really badly organised too.

In your shoes I wouldn’t do it either.

In my new office the budget is £20 and people seem to put a reasonable effort in -watch this space!

I'd suspect someone forgot who they were supposed to be buying for and so didn't get anything. I work in an office where we do this for birthdays, I write in my diary who I have got and also the week before that I am meant to do it, but it's surprising how often someone a man usually just forgets to get it sorted.

The other thing I would guess is that someone got something crappy and being a self-obsessed arsehole thought "this is shit, I am taking something else" and just took yours. (eg if yours was a bottle of wine or something else obvious)

But YANBU for not participating this year. Whoever organises this sort of thing needs to keep a check that everyone has got a present.

YANBU. I would opt out this year, you could say why, or you could just say you don't want to take part. And buy yourself something nice instead!

I hate that people feel pressured into these things. People might be struggling financially, and don't want to have to say so. I'm glad SS doesn't happen where I work.

I can understand how some people hate the idea because they would struggle to afford it: that's totally reasonable. But someone whining and sulking for a whole year because they didn't get a scented candle/box of chocs from a co-worker does seem a bit petty to me.

Mind you, I provisionally agreed to join in one with some mates this year and nearly wet myself with horror when I was browsing the online setup - had to contact the organiser and ask about it (we are scattered around the country so she had used one of these list-making websites, which presented anyone who signed up with a Wish List that included things like laptops and diamond bracelets.) Luckily she said that was not the idea, maxi spend about £10 and home-made stuff was fine.

You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

The only strong message is that you’re a complete cow. Why post something so nasty?

@BakedBeans47

And yet I always get a gift!

This is why my team doesn't do secret santa this way. We do a "reverse raffle present steal" at our Christmas party and I'd say about 75% of people participate but nobody judges people who choose not to participate for whatever reason.

Anyone who wants to participate brings a wrapped gift under £5 ... When you arrive, if you have a gift then you put it on a table and get given a raffle ticket (That way everyone who brings a gift will definitely get one back) then at some point in the evening the present steal will begin ... Everyone participating will go and choose a gift from the table (any one except the one you brought) and then someone pulls a raffle ticket from the hat. The person with that number can then choose to keep the present they chose or "steal" a present by swapping the present they picked up for one someone else is holding. They then pick the next number and so on until every number has been drawn and everyone has had a chance to "steal" someone else's gift.

It's great fun as everyone tries to persuade each other not to steal from them and certain gifts are hotly contested throughout the game. Some people add to the fun by trying to disguise their gift in weird and wonderful wrapping so that people want the present just to find out what it is!

Upsetting that your gift went missing, but it was unlikely to be ‘personal ‘.

Talk to the organiser, say ‘I wonder if there is a way to tick off all gifts contributed and collected, because I would hate for anyone else to not get a present as happened to me last year’

Don’t flounce from the whole thing in a strop about a small gift a whole year later . It is unlikely to happen to you 2 years running. It was an accident of some kind, so talk to the organiser about improving the system.

This thread has just reminded me to text our organiser to say I’m not taking part this year, that tenner can do a bit of good topping up my donation to the local food bank, which I make in lieu of sending cards.

I would do it, but I’d also speak to the person organising it and say that last year I didn’t get a gift, and can they check that everyone taking part has something?

You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

Garbage.
PPs have suggested how it could have happened.
Even if the "message" is that one person doesn't like the OP, so what? That person is the nasty one, not OP.

I've been asked to do SS in various workplaces. Sometimes said Yes, sometimes No.

OP, you should let everyone know why you didn't enjoy SS last year and that's why you're not doing it again.

You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

Garbage.
PPs have suggested how it could have happened.
Even if the "message" is that one person doesn't like the OP, so what? That person is the nasty one, not OP.

I've been asked to do SS in various workplaces. Sometimes said Yes, sometimes No.

OP, you should let everyone know why you didn't enjoy SS last year and that's why you're not doing it again.

Oops, how did that happen?

@ReanimatedSGB I can understand how some people hate the idea because they would struggle to afford it: that's totally reasonable. But someone whining and sulking for a whole year because they didn't get a scented candle/box of chocs from a co-worker does seem a bit petty to me.

WTF? Who said anything about whining and sulking for a whole year. I didn't even think about it between late December last year, and last week!!! For feck's sake!

And it's not because I cared about 'not having a scented candle from a co-worker!' It's the fact I was the ONLY ONE out of 22 who did not get a gift. You and that other poster @Michaela74 are just being horrible. Did you get out of bed the wrong side of something? Or has someone said or done something to upset you? You're both being quite mean.

Thanks so much to everyone else.

Yeah I think it probably wasn't personal, like I don't think I am 'disliked.'

As some people have said, whoever it was, just couldn't be arsed. Funnily enough though, whoever this person was, still took their secret Santa gift.

michaela64

And yet I get a gift!

Bully for you. I bet you didn't get one back for the person you picked though.

I am still thinking of refusing, as I can't be bothered to be honest, and will tell the person organising it on Monday. (It's the same person who organised it last year, so she should hardly be surprised that I am not unwilling to take part this year.)