To refuse to participate in Secret Santa this year...

[helen3000]

This is trivial - first world problems and so on.

So in my workplace (22 people,) we had a secret Santa last year. (First time we have done it.) We all work different shifts, (as the place is open 12 hours a day,) and some people work different days to others. We decided to pick names (out of a box!) and buy for whoever we picked. You probably all know how it works, you all pick a name, and whichever name you get, you buy for. (And the person you pick is unlikely to have got your name.)

So I picked someone - I will call her Alison - and set out to buy her a gift, which I did. I wrapped it, and left it in the 'Secret Santa cupboard' where we were all due to pick up our gifts on the Friday (the 23rd) which was our last day. People were picking them up at different times because of the varying shifts.

So, everyone went excitedly to the 'cupboard' for their gifts at varying times of the day (on the 23rd,) for their Secret Santa gift. I was one of the last on that day (1pm til 6.30pm shift,) and I went for my gift. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Long story short, I had no gift. I asked the manager where it was, and she said she has no idea, and didn't even know who was meant to be buying me, When I asked a few others, no-one else seemed to know either.

Suffice to say, I was the only one without a gift. The only one out of 22 people.

I did contemplate picking a name (this year,) and just not buying a gift (like someone did to me last year,) but that would probably make someone feel as shit as I did, and it is very unlikely I will pick the person who didn't get a gift for me last year.

It's trivial I know, but I was really hurt.

So AIBU to refuse to participate this year?

I had a run of really shit secret santa presents, and last year said I was opting out but would give my £10 to the local foodbank instead. In the end everyone else did as well (10 x £10 is a pretty decent donation, rather than spending that on tat). I may well have been seen as a miserable sod for suggesting it, but tbh I hated seeing the waste.

you name was in there OP... otherwise the box would have been a name short...

the vile person who had your name simply chose not to buy you a gift... I wouldn't bother participating this year either

So if all 22 others got something then someone merrily took their present KNOWING they hadn’t got you one!

Or the second last person to the cupboard, finding their present gone, thought there had been a mix up and took OP’s instead. Whatever the reason I would just say no. Tell the organisers why, but you don’t really need a reason. I diont think it works in a place where you do different days and shifts anyway. When we did it, (not done it for years) we had a communal opening, so had some fun seeing what everyone got. If you are just solitarily helping yourself from the cupboard, it sort of defeats the object.

It is not an obligation to take part- we were all asked if we wanted to. If you do so before names are drawn then fair enough.

We had one at the place I was working last Christmas. Big organisation with lots of people (like me) working in small satellite offices.

Because of the logistics and sheer numbers there were no allocated names as such, everyone bought a generic gift and received a raffle ticket in return. The organisers then stuck a ticket on every parcel, then the numbers were called out at the team meal. At least 3 people received their own gift, and both me and my friends received alcohol - neither of us drink for medical reasons

I don't like secret santa...fortunately current work doesn't do anything like that.
Last time I did one was in my previous job when I was a student, and I got a car washing sponge and a bottle of car shampoo, in a tesco bag, with wrapping paper over the tesco bag. There was only about 10 of us who worked there...so it was like it was someone making a random guess for someone they didn't really know. I didn't even own a car...something which was well known because it was a remote place and I had to get dropped off by my mum! I think I'd rather have had nothing. Opening that was like a kick in the gut because it just showed someone clearly didn't care. And I don't, to this day, know who it was.

@CecilyP

If someone had taken mine instead though, then one would have been left (if everyone had bought one, and one had been bought for me.)

I went when there were 3 or 4 left, and there was not one for me. No-one had taken mine in error, or one would have been left (with someone else's name on it.)

Yes, you are being unreasonable (although 'petty' might be a better word). Just participate, doesn't matter if you don't get anything back (we're not kids, although you'd never know it!). Not taking part will just make your colleagues dislike you even more.

your boss (or whoever organised it) was crap to not have sorted this, either by sending out a generic reminder that SOME presents were missing, or buy buying a generic chocolates sort of gift.

We have had some in our company where the person buying a gift is off sick on the day but they let me know that they have bought for X and X gets a note to say their gift is coming on Monday (one year Amazon was rubbish for deliveries so I had to give a picture of what i got the person as a stop gap)

I have to get ready for work now, so please don't think I am being rude if I don't answer for a few hours. I will be back on later though. Thanks all.

We do it at work with drinks and nibbles the last day everyone is in. We have a secret Santa box. I'm the manager and always check everyone has something. Everyone always has had. I think the problem op is the unmonitored cupboard. Someone might have bought you something; someone might have taken it. There might have been a genuine mistake.

I'm sorry you were upset. I don't think the cupboard is part of It's spirit. We open the gifts together.

@Michaela84

Not taking part will just make your colleagues dislike you even more.

Why do you assume they dislike me? I never said that!

Could it have been your Secret Santa person was away on the day they had to bring in the gift? I would think at that time of year, if it was left to the last minute, they may have been ill rather than deliberately nasty.

Although my dd at school did a Secret Santa and the boy who was supposed to buy for her got her nothing.

Not unreasonable to not bother this year, especially if everyone just gets the stuff out of a cupboard, so there's no collective celebration.

Maybe in OPs example, someone in the SS group didn't WANT to join in with it but felt pressured but didn't feel able to see no I don't want to do it, and then because they couldn't afford it, they didn't actually buy a present!

If you're going to do SS you need to ask for the names of people who want to do it, allow those who don't to opt out, and unfortunately someone has to manage it so it's inclusive and not an opportunity treat people badly/act on grudges or whatever.

I hate secret Santa. We did it one year with DHs friends - all got together for a Christmas meal and did a secret Santa. We spent time choosing lovely gifts for our recipients. DH was given a horrible "comedy" gift designed obviously to embarrass him in front of our children. Everyone laughed when he opened it. It went straight in the bin when we got home. I got a nice gift set of make up and DH basically got nothing but laughed at. Everyone else had lovely gifts. It still makes me angry and it was about 8 years ago!
My sister once got given a Father Christmas fancy dress costume as her secret Santa. Her colleagues "encouraged" her to put it on - it looked ridiculous, and everyone else got wine or chocolates or smellies. Horrible.
I'd opt out, OP.

No need to be so rude @Michaela84

Are you the person who should have bought my present by any chance?

Michaela really.

And whether they do or don't dislike her (can't see why they would anyway, she comes across as very lovely), should she be forced to join in to avoid dropping down the popularity stakes? How old are these people, 9?

Back later! Thanks again.

@keeponworking
Thank you

The person organising SS may have made a mistake and not included your name. I've seen it happen before.

I didn't participate one year and thought most people wouldn't be bothered but on the day everyone sat in a massive circle and opened each present one by one and I was the only person who didn't have one. Everyone thought I was very strange and it was embarrassing

You're the only one who didn't get a gift. That's a pretty strong message.

Helen if it makes you feel better I was forgotten too. I eventually got a present after Christmas, no note or apology.* Just dumped in the staff room. So like you I've not taken part since as I really can't be arsed. It's always a hassle trying to find things for people and why bother with the effort if it's not reciprocated.*

OK, I thought you were the very last person to go the cupboard. It now looks more likely that your Santa partner didn’t buy anything. Anyway, you are so NBU to refuse to participate.

Apologies for the bold fail I'm clearly still holding a grudge