Sister solely relying on Mum for childcare

[HerNameWasCleo]

My sister has a 22 month old daughter, and works three days a week, her OH works full time. Our mother lives about ten minutes from her, and a couple of hours away from me. Mum looks after sisters daughter in the three days sis is at work.

I am now pregnant and would love my Mum to be able to come down and spend time with my baby some of the time, but am not expecting any formal childcare. However, Mum is not sure how much she'll be able to get down here due to looking after my niece.

I have said that maybe she could cut down looking after my niece if it means she won't be able to spend time with her other grandchild, but sis has said she can't do without my Mum doing the same if not more childcare as she is now. I will be paying for my baby to go to nursery when I go back to work.

I don't begrudge my sister the childcare from my Mum, but AIBU in feeling a bit fed up that my child will see its grandmother less because my sister doesn't want to pay for childcare? We earn very similarly and have same outgoings, so if I can manage it I'm sure she can...

Aww did I upset you Lemon
No, I never even saw your reply before it was deleted. Why would I be upset? It would take more than some random angry person on an anonymous forum to make me angry, I don't really do angry.

DM lives locally and has had both of mine for two days a week so that I could work. Although DM is open about the fact it is tiring, she also is adamant that she wants to do it and when I looked into nurseries to begin with, she was really upset at the idea. They have a wonderful bond and still see us on their ‘days off’ too as they enjoy their company. I can’t understand why there is always this assumption that GPs are doing childcare against their will. Being the most local DD, I am also fully prepared for the fact that if/when the DPs need care, the majority of this will probably fall to me.

I really wouldn’t raise this. It may be that the distance is just too much for your mum to want to commit to and perhaps she is pre-empting you asking for childcare even though you have no plans to. Why not wait and see how much she visits once your baby is here and take it from there. By raising it, you could be causing an issue where there wouldn’t have been one.

Aww OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You want support from your mum and know that may not happen due to her looking after your niece.

I think you should talk to your mum and tell her how you feel, don't mention it to your sister as it may cause a strain on your relationship.

I am sure once your baby is born, everything will sort itself out. For now don't get too stressed about it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

I can’t understand why there is always this assumption that GPs are doing childcare against their will
In my (sister's) case, they had always said they'd never do it regularly, let alone full time. Yet here they are, regularly twice a week, sick days, a full week in the school holidays... I think it crept up and they didn't feel they could say no.
Yes, holiday daycare might wipe out savings that week, but it's more than compensated for by all the other childcare. I think some ppl also get used to the easy (cheap) option and forget being more independent would be fairer.

I feel for you. It's natural to want your mum to be involved. 3 full days a week every week is a massive childcare commitment and restricts her a lot. I don't know anyone whose dm is the sole childcare provider. Ime it's combined with cm or nursery so that there are options if the gp wants time 'off'.

Ooo aren't you the bigger person 🙄