Sister solely relying on Mum for childcare

[HerNameWasCleo]

My sister has a 22 month old daughter, and works three days a week, her OH works full time. Our mother lives about ten minutes from her, and a couple of hours away from me. Mum looks after sisters daughter in the three days sis is at work.

I am now pregnant and would love my Mum to be able to come down and spend time with my baby some of the time, but am not expecting any formal childcare. However, Mum is not sure how much she'll be able to get down here due to looking after my niece.

I have said that maybe she could cut down looking after my niece if it means she won't be able to spend time with her other grandchild, but sis has said she can't do without my Mum doing the same if not more childcare as she is now. I will be paying for my baby to go to nursery when I go back to work.

I don't begrudge my sister the childcare from my Mum, but AIBU in feeling a bit fed up that my child will see its grandmother less because my sister doesn't want to pay for childcare? We earn very similarly and have same outgoings, so if I can manage it I'm sure she can...

My mum has always done my childcare, she had been doing it for 12 years when my sibling had a baby. I obviously said I was happy to pay now so that the baby can get minded by my mum

How good of you to be happy to pay after 12 years . Willing to free your mum up so that she can continue to spend further years looking after a baby...how thoughtful of you.

Oh piss off lemon. Anyone who says they would rather not pay a grand a month to a nursery is a liar! Id rather save it. Wouldn't everyone? But i cant, and i knew that pre getting pregnant.

Im not being a hypocrite calling op jealous because i have nothing to be jealous about!

Go crawl back in your hole.

*would rather pay

I hope my children don’t use me like this in the future.

They won't if they don't grow up with an entitled attitude. Failing that stay in employment so they can't

I've seen grans looked exhausted as they have been guilted into childcare by adult children who don't want to pay for childcare. Their social lives suffered immensely as they could join their friends etc. The parents don't care as long as they are getting to keep all their money rather than support their own children.

I live 3 hrs from my mum. My mum does all my sister's childcare but I am not bothered. It is what it is

YABU.

If your mum is happy to do the childcare for your sister, then it's really between them I'm afraid. You don't get to decide what your mum does and does not do. If your mum doesn't want to do the childcare for your sister then she needs to discuss it with her. It's absolutely not up to you.

You live several hours away from your mum, your sister lives very close- it is inevitable that your DM will see more of your niece than she will of your child. It's not exactly equal, but that's what happens when one sibling lives significantly closer to parents than the other. Even if she does 3 days childcare for your sister there are still 4 other days in the week- surely you can see her at some point during these- either you travelling or her travelling?

@Farfromtheusual I think you are being unfair on your sister

So what did you mean by this? Unfair on her sister how? For taking away SOME OF HER MOTHERS TIME free childcare by any chance???

Go crawl back in your hole

Yep, touched a nerve.

I have read the full thread but why can't she bring your niece with her or you go to her and see your niece too!?

lemon you really havent, i just cant be arsed with an argument over absolutely nothing!

And I'll be as angry and name cally as I want when you're picking out certain things that I've said and are completely misunderstanding what I've said.

Little friend? lemon are you joking?

Im not being defensive im just calling you out on some of the utter bollocks youre spouting

If DSis's DD is 22 months and your baby isn't yet born, won't the DD be coming up to nursery age by the time your baby is ready for spending time with DM?
I would point this out to DM so that when the DGD starts nursery she can cut back on her commitment. It's up to DM to sort things with DSis, if you try it will just cause arguments.
Booking 3 whole working days of DM's time is selfish imv.

And I'll be as angry and name cally as I want when you're picking out certain things that I've said and are completely misunderstanding what I've said

Nope, not misunderstanding anything you've said - you just don't like being called out. I stand by what I said, you're an utter hypocrite, you have 3 different family members giving you free child-care and you told the OP she was being unfair

Im not being defensive im just calling you out on some of the utter bollocks youre spouting

Of course you are, only thing is, you're still being defensive.

lemons how am i being defensive? Youve taken what ive said entirely the wrong way, ive corrected you, you cant accept it.

You've picked one sentence out of my post and are making up a load of other shit that I haven't even said.

I've explained what I meant when I said OP is being unfair on her sister in my subsequent post. She says she knows her sisters financial situation and that she should be able to afford childcare because she will be able to. And I questioned how she could possibly know they have the exact same income and outgoings. She is unfair to assume that she knows anything at all about her sisters finances. I'm very close to my sister and wouldn't be able to tell you anything at all about her finances.

So if you can't fucking read properly, that's not my problem.

And me having my family look after my kid is neither here nor there. Don't be such a judgmental prick.

Just fuck off, yeah?

* Youve taken what ive said entirely the wrong way, ive corrected you, you cant accept it.*

Exactly 🖕🏻

I think yabu. Your mother obviously is happy to mind your sisters child. If she wasn't surely she wouldn't be doing it. Also you have moved a few hours away from home so you hardly expect to see your mum the same amount as your sister who lives close by.
I live away from home. Some of my siblings remained local and see my parents a lot more than me. We all have children. My parents visit occasionally when they can but I prob drive to see them more, a couple of hrs and bring the children with me.
Obviously my siblings get a lot more help with childcare although my parents don't mind any of them full time most days they are helping out one of them in some way by having the children. Collecting from school, taking them on sick days or just babysitting at weekends. I am envious that my siblings get out a lot more socially than I do but I don't resent it.
My mother in law minds my youngest prob 1-2 days/week (she minded my oldest for first 2yrs too she now goes to Creche).
This arrangement was entirely her doing as she wanted to and really hated the idea of a baby going to Creche (I didn't mind so much as had found a good Creche). We pay her a set amount/month for childcare (it is a bit less than we would pay Creche). There is a lovely bond between my children and their granny.
So I can see why you would like your mum and her grand kids to develop a bond but surely she will be visiting or vica versa a fair bit.

Also like others have said..it will more than likely be your sister caring for your mum in later years and not you. Are you going to rearrange your work then and move home to care for her.

I have read the full thread but why can't she bring your niece with her or you go to her and see your niece too!?

Are we talking about when op has a baby? Cause I don't think her mum would get much chance to either help out with baby/op, or any peaceful bonding time with niece there. Op will no doubt be exhausted with a newborn, last thing she needs is someone else's young kid running round...

Aww did I upset you Lemon 😂