About not splitting the bill?

[TattiusTeddius]

At work we are about to merge teams with a group of about 10 people who work for the same organisation but in a different building and do a very similar job to us. The team managers organised a Christmas night out tonight to get to know each other a bit better. They picked a place that wasn’t too expensive for a meal, and we put in pre-orders and paid £10 deposit per head.

I only ordered a main as I wasn’t crazy about any of the starters or desserts, and so did a few colleagues from my team. Mine was £10.50 so I was only supposed to owe 50p tonight plus whatever drinks I’d buy.

It was established at the beginning that everyone would order and pay for their own drinks at the bar as some people were drinking and some weren’t. Some people (mostly from the other team) had pre-ordered 3 courses, which would be around the £35/£40 Mark in total.

We all had a lovely night and made the effort to mix with each other, everyone seems to get along well. However When the bill came, one (of the better paid) members of the other team took charge and calculated that because the food bill was £216 we owed £13.50 each.

I was , as I should have only owed 50p, I was going to put £3 in to cover that and a tip. 2 of my younger colleagues, who are on less money than me, looked a bit annoyed as well. One is on minimum wage and the other has just had a baby so I know that they could do with the money. One of them was technically owed 50p as her main was only £9.50 and she ordered nothing else.

Anyway I spoke up and said that I think it’s only fair for me and the 2 colleagues to put in what we owe as we only had one course each. The ‘organiser’ from the other team argued the toss, saying that she thought we were splitting the bill evenly and that we should have made it clear at the start of the meal if we only wanted to pay for our own. I said I didn’t think I should have to point that out when there’s a £25 difference in what some people are ordering (she had 3 courses BTW). I stood my ground and we and a couple of others paid for our own, everyone else split between them (it went up to £18 each when split). The 2 younger colleagues thanked me quietly afterwards btw!

The manager from the other team has text my manager after the meal saying that it’s ‘unspirited and unsharing’ to insist on paying for our own meals and that’s not how they do it in their team. She made a joke about us being skinflints, but I do think it was just a joke. She basically doesn’t think it bodes well if we have an ‘every man for themself attitude’. My manager is on our side, she wanted me to know about the messages to give me a heads up in case they bring it up with me but she’s going to reply tomorrow fighting our corner.

WIBU or do they have a point? It’s gonna be awful when we merge isn’t it?

What has someone's salary got to do with it really? The person on NMW could have a well paid partner or live with their parents, pay little or nothing in board and lodgings and have hundreds of pounds a month in disposable income, whereas the higher salaried person could be paying out most or all of their wage in mortgage, childcare and supporting a family, with little left over as disposable.

The fact is that everyone should be prepared to pay for what they order personally and not start making accusations of others being skinflints for suggesting this, whether at the start of the meal or when the bill comes and someone realises that, despite ordering a salad and water to keep things affordable, they've still ended up with a bill for three courses and wine.

Agree, wage has nothing to do with it - everyone should pay for what they ordered!

"unspirited & unsharing"?

Well, I think that you were very spirited (& right) to stand up for yourself & others.

What's "unsharing" about expecting someone to pay for their own meal?

Does she think that it was generous of her to share her bill?

It was just over £200 left to pay-I'm surprised that the team managers didn't just pay that tbh.

With mates salary is irrelevant. With work those who earn more should pay if it's a work event IMO. E.g. my colleague and I always pay for our trainees if we have a team lunch - they earn a fraction of what we earn so it's only fair.

Your manager sounds awesome!

If I were your manager I'd be raising this with HR as a form of the other manager trying to bully your team and those that earn significantly less than she does in order to profit herself...

If she had said to split the meal and the OP had spoken up, so replied that she hadn't realised there was such a big discrepancy, no worries, for people to pay their own then that would be fine. She at least should have been bunging an extra £50 in to cover the tip or reduce costs for others.

But to be someone who has spent more than three times what others have spent and to expect them to subsidise her (particularly if she is in a position of power over others) then she needs to be hauled up by HR - it's a really bad attitude for a manager to take, particularly when she's supposed to be merging with another team and out to make a good impression... And maybe HR could gently introduce a new rule to ensure that people don't try to do this again.

Tables like this were the bane of my life when I was a waitress. Just pay the bill and stop bickering over a few quid. I get it if some have copious amounts of alcohol and you don't but arguing over a few quid is ridiculous imo. And I wouldn't want to be 'that person' in the office. Totally not worth the hassle.

Oh OK just seen it was 13 more, not 3. I agree that is unfair.

YANBU. I couple of quid not worth splitting hairs over but there’s no way I would pay an extra £13.50 to subsidise other work colleague who were on more money than me. That’s ridiculous and they’re freeloading.

You were right.

Generally I prefer splitting the bill because I don't think it's worth the hassle of people paying for their own, and there's always someone who doesn't pay enough!

What we do for our work meal is come up with a set price that reflects what everyone had ie in your case I probably would have ended up saying everyone who had one course put in £2 everyone who had three put in £16. Keeps it simple and hopefully no one is too resentful.

These set ups never work because someone always has a scone and a glass of tap water and others have more. Only set price works in these situations.

I got an invite for a meal split cost thing, my fish was raw the restaurant could apologise more but i had no chance of a replacement meal. I was made to pay my cut, id id argue blah blah i havent eaten but hey stingy bastards everywhere

I had a situation similar on my birthday. 4 couples went out. 3 couples spent sbout £45 each, the 4th spent around £75. 4th couple kicked off when others didn't fancy paying an extra £10 each towards their meal. 4th couple spoilt the night with very arsey attitude.

Am I alone in understanding from the outset what the OP meant?

MrsFezziweg I don't think so...unless there's a secret meaning? 🤔

Personally, I think you should not go out if you are not prepared to split the bill, whatever you had. Anything else, no matter how right you are, makes you look awful.

Though separately, why isn't WORK paying? If these are work night outs? Tight bastards.

Omg it's 3 quid ???

I've never worked anywhere where the employer pays for meals and drinks out for staff.

I'd rather look awful than miss out on events because I can't afford to buy meals and drinks for other people.

If you have £15 instead of thinking 'I won't go out again in case someone wants me to chip in for their 3 courses and wine', you could also think 'if I get a main, one drink and get a jug of tap water for the table, my £15 is enough for that including a tip and I get to go out and be part of the social group'.

That's the sort of decision that the OP and her lower paid colleagues are making. Why should someone else wanting a more expensive meal out trump that?

Addicted RTFT. It's not £3 it's £13 which is over 100% of the OPs actual bill.

Really wilting? So , for example, someone who has £20 worth of food and drink should always split the bill with someone who had £95 worth, otherwise they should stay in? And if they want to pay for their own food they're awful? Really? Where does it end?

And who are all these people who have organisations who pay for their nights out?! I've never known that!

Addicted no it was £13.
I've re-Read my OP and I actually think it's very clear it was £13 they tried to overcharge, I've said it several times

"it's only three quid" is about to become the new "cancel the cheque."

Personally, I think you should not go out if you are not prepared to split the bill, whatever you had. Anything else, no matter how right you are, makes you look awful.

Well, everyone’s entitled to an opinion.

Even if you’re wrong.

wiltingfast Fri 24-Nov-17 22:25:28
Personally, I think you should not go out if you are not prepared to split the bill, whatever you had. Anything else, no matter how right you are, makes you look awful.

Personally I do not think you should go out if you are not prepared to pay for what you eat. Making others subsidise your meal at their expense makes you look like a twat.

Personally, I think you should not go out if you are not prepared to split the bill, whatever you had. Anything else, no matter how right you are, makes you look awful.

If OP hadn't gone out to dinner with them, she would have been accused of not being a team player.

It's a joke that the company didn't pay for this team building neal, and then on top of that they want the light eaters to subsidise the 3 coursers.