About not splitting the bill?

[TattiusTeddius]

At work we are about to merge teams with a group of about 10 people who work for the same organisation but in a different building and do a very similar job to us. The team managers organised a Christmas night out tonight to get to know each other a bit better. They picked a place that wasn’t too expensive for a meal, and we put in pre-orders and paid £10 deposit per head.

I only ordered a main as I wasn’t crazy about any of the starters or desserts, and so did a few colleagues from my team. Mine was £10.50 so I was only supposed to owe 50p tonight plus whatever drinks I’d buy.

It was established at the beginning that everyone would order and pay for their own drinks at the bar as some people were drinking and some weren’t. Some people (mostly from the other team) had pre-ordered 3 courses, which would be around the £35/£40 Mark in total.

We all had a lovely night and made the effort to mix with each other, everyone seems to get along well. However When the bill came, one (of the better paid) members of the other team took charge and calculated that because the food bill was £216 we owed £13.50 each.

I was , as I should have only owed 50p, I was going to put £3 in to cover that and a tip. 2 of my younger colleagues, who are on less money than me, looked a bit annoyed as well. One is on minimum wage and the other has just had a baby so I know that they could do with the money. One of them was technically owed 50p as her main was only £9.50 and she ordered nothing else.

Anyway I spoke up and said that I think it’s only fair for me and the 2 colleagues to put in what we owe as we only had one course each. The ‘organiser’ from the other team argued the toss, saying that she thought we were splitting the bill evenly and that we should have made it clear at the start of the meal if we only wanted to pay for our own. I said I didn’t think I should have to point that out when there’s a £25 difference in what some people are ordering (she had 3 courses BTW). I stood my ground and we and a couple of others paid for our own, everyone else split between them (it went up to £18 each when split). The 2 younger colleagues thanked me quietly afterwards btw!

The manager from the other team has text my manager after the meal saying that it’s ‘unspirited and unsharing’ to insist on paying for our own meals and that’s not how they do it in their team. She made a joke about us being skinflints, but I do think it was just a joke. She basically doesn’t think it bodes well if we have an ‘every man for themself attitude’. My manager is on our side, she wanted me to know about the messages to give me a heads up in case they bring it up with me but she’s going to reply tomorrow fighting our corner.

WIBU or do they have a point? It’s gonna be awful when we merge isn’t it?

this is why i organise a meal with a set menu, think its £25 for 3 courses

Yanbu op.

This is exactly why I hate meals in large groups.

A few years ago I had a similar situation with colleagues. We went for a curry and myself and a colleague ordered a cheap main dish , shared a rice and drank tap water. What we didn't realise was that the other end of the table (group was huge) had order huge expensive starters like mixed grills etc. They ordered so much that they couldn't finish their food.

At the end it was declared that we owed £20 each plus tip...my food was about £8 so I said I was only putting in a tenner for this reason. Predictably it was the mixed grill gang that made an issue of my payment. Everyone else just nodded and said that it was fair.

I don't think many people can eat a three-course meal in a normal UK restaurant without feeling uncomfortably stuffed. High-end restaurants with tasting portions, maybe.

The very best thing for big work meals is to go somewhere reasonably cheap where they charge per head, eg buffet or set menu or something, so that (1) everyone knows in advance what they will need to pay and (2) there won't be any massive disparity to absorb. People who like nice restaurants can go in their own time: it's a team building exercise, not Masterchef.

Sending a text after the fact was outrageous. She's setting up "us and them" right from the off, and your manager is right to be cautious about it. TBH I think she'd do better not to reply, but to screenshot instead, or wave it under the nose of HR.

Money aside, the manager from the other team has behaved unprofessionally and quite ridiculously, texting your manager to harp on it and call you ‘unspirited and unsharing’. She's a twat.

Oh, and 3 properly sized courses are NOT gluttony. Totally concur with this.

I agree with your manager.

Why are you bickering over £3?

It all seems out in the long run.

extinct, someone has already shouted said this, but here you are again anyway:
THE OP WAS ASKED TO PAY AN EXTRA £13.00 FOR HER MEAL

And it's not her manager who has criticised her; it's the other team's manager.

Apart from that, your comprehension skills here are terrific.

3 courses isn't gluttony, it's perfectly normal for a celebratory meal out.

Maybe not for every day, but as an occasional treat in a restaurant it's what many normal people would expect to order.

YANBU. It's always someone whose eaten more than everyone else and usually drunk more that pipes up and wants to split it.
So very true. I don't mind splitting the bill with friends, because it's usually swings and roundabouts. But not with people I don't. Good for you in speaking up, and good for your boss in supporting you.

Apologies for my mistake. Should have been better organised from the outset then.

Yuk, I hate this kind of thing. Maybe the other manager should have picked up the bill in the spirit of being 'one team' blah blah.

Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your colleagues. It's a shame nobody else thought to do so.

In th UK (and Australia where I now live) people will sit and devour silly portions of food....starters often look like main courses ffs.

I agree with you Sausages. And some people seem to take pride in how much they can devour at a sitting. A pub close to us does a "Whole Hog" meal, which is basically a pig on a plate with a stone of chips, onion rings, mushrooms, peas, tomatoes - it is disgusting even to look at, and my appetite would disappear at the sight of it, but I've seen (mostly men) forcing down the last mouthfuls when it was obviously too much.

Re: initial post. Well done for speaking out OP - I've been in a similar position, and when I spoke up, others did too. I don't mind subsiding someone else's meal to the tune of a couple of quid, but I'm not gong to spend more on theirs than on my own!

And TBH - if my own meal cost three times anyone else's, I would be embarrassed to let them pay for me.

Like a PP I follow the rule: With friends - split it, it all evens out over time; with colleagues, pay for my own plus tip.

Oh i totally misread that £13 is alot alright

YANBU.
I read a similar thread on another forum where it turned out junior colleagues in a company were regularly subsidising those who were far better paid than them. When someone pointed it out - as you did in this case - those who were having a high old time of it, suddenly got a lot less fond of ordering expensive food and drink for themselves. As well as sulking of course, when it was pointed out.

Well done you. Some people have a neck, ordering expensive meals and expecting to be subsidised, as was happening in this case. Like others, I don't mind in the slightest splitting bills equally on nights out with friends. Not in the situation you have described though.

The other manager and that team need to give their heads a wobble.

And some people seem to take pride in how much they can devour at a sitting

And some of us do not, eat a perfectly normal not large amount of food and take severe offence at being called gluttons by idiots who don't know what they are talking about.

TattiusTeddius
She basically doesn’t think it bodes well if we have an ‘every man for themself attitude’

Suggest she takes a pay cut so you three's wages can be raised and then you'll happily split the bill equally next time.

I would have assumed the whole point of preordering your meal meant you weren't splitting the bill??
You'd have to wonder why the gannets eating all around themselves were unhappy to bear the cost all by themselves and not have it averaged out
They were the ones embarrassing themselves by making a fuss, not you, op.

YANBU, and I think the other manager is out of order to try to guilt-trip your manager about it.

Depending on what the pay differentials are, it would be a better team-building gesture if the higher-paid members of staff chipped in a bit more. At my place, we either go to a cheap and cheerful buffet-style restaurant where everyone's paying a tenner for food (with individuals paying for drinks) or if we're going somewhere more expensive, senior team members put £15 into a start-up kitty and then we divide the rest of the food bill between everyone (managers included) so that managers normally end up paying in the region of £25-30 and everyone else pays around £10-£15. Since it's the higher-paid members of staff who usually want to go to the fancier places this is generally seen as fair for everyone. The situation you describe, with higher-paid people eating at others' expense, is not at all conducive to team-building, and I would expect the managers to realise this.

It's a pity that the other manager didn't think a bit more about her own responsibility for team-building on your night out. It shouldn't have been left to you to stick up for yourself and your colleagues, but well done for doing it.

YANBU. I remember going out for a curry one night and there were two very young women who earned very little who only ordered a plate of chips and a coke while other people were ordering a full meal and several drinks and the suggestion was made that we should split the bill. I spoke up and said no, we pay individually. One or two people didn't like that but the two young women were very grateful as they were new and junior and didn't feel they could say anything. Afterwards, almost everyone came up to me to say "well done, I've always been too afraid to say anything" and only the person who suggested it was pissed off. They, of course, had ordered the most expensive meal and had more to drink than anyone else.

Oh God not this again!

If people don't want to split the bill, the others should give in gracefully.

Ordering 3 courses and expecting people who ordered 1 course to subsidise you is not on.

Nice one Ekiza

Eliza - sorry - fat fingers slipped

At the end it was declared that we owed £20 each plus tip...my food was about £8 so I said I was only putting in a tenner for this reason. Predictably it was the mixed grill gang that made an issue of my payment. Everyone else just nodded and said that it was fair.

It always seems to be those who order the most expensive stuff that are so keen on splitting equally. And who accuse others of 'getting the calculator out' or 'ruining the night' for only wanting to pay for what they actually ordered. When in actual fact, its those who overorder then expect others to pick up the tab who are the tight ones.

I have no issue at all splitting equally with friends as they wouldn't take the piss and if anything they would get a bit self conscious if they did order something more than the rest and as such would offer to put in an extra 10/20 (which is usually shouted down by everyone else, but the offer is there) but those who feel the need to try and shame other people for only wanting to pay for what they actually had..are twats. I don't understand why they make such a fuss about letting people know before ordering, almost like if they knew they would be paying for their own fillet steak and 2 bottles of champagne they might, reign in their spending?

This is why a set menu with set courses and a fixed price is a good idea for these events.

PMSL, I KNEW people would continue to think it was £3 extra the OP had to pay. The original post does read as if it is. (At first glance.)

It is £13 extra that the OP had to pay. If you read the OP carefully, you can see that, but at first glance it reads as if it is £3 extra....

By the way, we DO have a tendency to be gluttonous in this country, that is why so many people are obese. No idea why people are getting sniffy and offended, when it's true!

I used to eat a lot more, and was quite chubby (5 ft 6, and 13 and a half to 14 stone, for some 10 years,) then I changed my eating habits, and lifestyle habits, and started eating much smaller portions.

I dropped to just over 11 stone, and although I have regained a stone or so, and then lost it, and regained it and lost it and so on, I have never gone past 12 stone again. I am currently 11 and a half stone.

When I go out for a meal, I can now only eat a starter and a pudding. OR just a main. And then I don't have chips, I have salad, and I usually leave about 30% of the food, as it's always too much.

I am going out for a work's Christmas meal next week, but that is £15 for everyone, and it is 3 courses for everyone. I know I won't be able to eat it all, but I will eat a bit of each course.