About not splitting the bill?

[TattiusTeddius]

At work we are about to merge teams with a group of about 10 people who work for the same organisation but in a different building and do a very similar job to us. The team managers organised a Christmas night out tonight to get to know each other a bit better. They picked a place that wasn’t too expensive for a meal, and we put in pre-orders and paid £10 deposit per head.

I only ordered a main as I wasn’t crazy about any of the starters or desserts, and so did a few colleagues from my team. Mine was £10.50 so I was only supposed to owe 50p tonight plus whatever drinks I’d buy.

It was established at the beginning that everyone would order and pay for their own drinks at the bar as some people were drinking and some weren’t. Some people (mostly from the other team) had pre-ordered 3 courses, which would be around the £35/£40 Mark in total.

We all had a lovely night and made the effort to mix with each other, everyone seems to get along well. However When the bill came, one (of the better paid) members of the other team took charge and calculated that because the food bill was £216 we owed £13.50 each.

I was , as I should have only owed 50p, I was going to put £3 in to cover that and a tip. 2 of my younger colleagues, who are on less money than me, looked a bit annoyed as well. One is on minimum wage and the other has just had a baby so I know that they could do with the money. One of them was technically owed 50p as her main was only £9.50 and she ordered nothing else.

Anyway I spoke up and said that I think it’s only fair for me and the 2 colleagues to put in what we owe as we only had one course each. The ‘organiser’ from the other team argued the toss, saying that she thought we were splitting the bill evenly and that we should have made it clear at the start of the meal if we only wanted to pay for our own. I said I didn’t think I should have to point that out when there’s a £25 difference in what some people are ordering (she had 3 courses BTW). I stood my ground and we and a couple of others paid for our own, everyone else split between them (it went up to £18 each when split). The 2 younger colleagues thanked me quietly afterwards btw!

The manager from the other team has text my manager after the meal saying that it’s ‘unspirited and unsharing’ to insist on paying for our own meals and that’s not how they do it in their team. She made a joke about us being skinflints, but I do think it was just a joke. She basically doesn’t think it bodes well if we have an ‘every man for themself attitude’. My manager is on our side, she wanted me to know about the messages to give me a heads up in case they bring it up with me but she’s going to reply tomorrow fighting our corner.

WIBU or do they have a point? It’s gonna be awful when we merge isn’t it?

YANBU op and please can you come back with regular updates about how that merger goes?

The 3 courses thing is interesting. In my early 20's I could have scarfed that down no problem. Now I struggle with more than a starter and a main or two starters unless it's a very long drawn out meal or they are tiny portions (so why am I so much fatter now than I was then?! )

I think maybe it depends where you normally eat out. Portion sizes vary unbelievably!

By the way, we DO have a tendency to be gluttonous in this country, that is why so many people are obese. No idea why people are getting sniffy and offended, when it's true!

You may, others may, we do not all. And saying that anyone eating three courses is disgusting gluttony is not only wrong, it is offensive. It was intended to be.

It is not true for everyone, so please don't apply your own standards to all of us.

I like having 3 courses but if I am, I'll often have a starter as my main course or it's just too much.

In our company, either we go somewhere at the comfort level of participants (curry set menu places for about £10-15 a head), or the company pays.

As part of senior management, we usually try to buy rounds or bottles of drinks to keep people topped up on top of that. Well, we did anyway. One of the junior men earning almost half of what I did messed it up by being very difficult in allowing a woman to buy for him, so kept trying to buy drinks himself, messing up a perfectly good system.

Its ALWAYS like this, isn't it OP?

When I was young (err even younger than now :&) I used to be very poor and would only have chips or something and then they wanted to split the bill when they all had duck!
Stick to your guns, not everyone can afford the extra.

Personally I've never been able to finish 3 courses in a restaurant since I was a teen.

Seeing as an average starter, main and dessert (say in Prezzo) would have 300, 800, 600 calories - that IS gluttonous! That's almost a person's entire daily allowance!

I don't know what restaurants you people go to that you can "comfortably" finish all 3 courses. Unless it is salad and sorbets.

Clearly, if when you think restaurant you think Prezzo

The way you claim to eat is exceptionally different to most people, PeiPei. Maybe that's why a perfectly normal meal looks gluttonous to you?
Having a starter and a pudding only, and still only managing to eat 30% at most is very strange.

YANBU - If you knew you were going to be spending £23.50 on a meal you would have wanted to eat/drink more or chosen not to attend if you couldn't afford it. Ideally it should be sorted before the night, but you definitely did the right thing.

Clearly, if when you think restaurant you think Prezzo hmm

What's that meant to mean?

Prezzo is a typical restaurant. Or is that a "chav" one now?

Yep, YANBU.

Last time I went out for a Christmas meal with work colleagues we split the bill equally. I did not drink because I was driving (and driving 3 others from my team). I also only had one pasta main course because it was a bit of a tight month for us as DH had lost his job. About half of us had scallops and black pudding as a starter and then filet steak! Added to that were the cocktails those who had arrived early had gotten stuck into at the bar (where the bill somehow migrated to the table) and the bottles of wine for those who were drinking.

I can't remember what the bill came to, but it made me feel queasy and because I was a new member of the team (and the person organising is quite the Queen Bee of the office) i really did not stick up for myself or those around me who were also looking a bit unsteady about it. (I have £66 in my head for some reason- not sure if it was exactly that, but certainly north of £50). .

I've made excuses for the past 2 years. December is usually a tough month for us as we host Christmas for family who really ARE skint, and I am usually saving as much as I can.

I like what has been observed on here though- it's the people who eat and drink with gay abandon who are keenest to split and who are keenest to imply / say you are a skinflint if you don't want to.

I also think it depends how often you eat out. If you don't do it frequently and it's a treat then why shouldn't you make the most of it? If you're like me and you have numerous client events every week, you'd blow up like a balloon if you had 3 courses every time (looks sadly at rather balloon shaped torso [although I am 20 weeks pregnant!])

The 3 courses thing is interesting. In my early 20's I could have scarfed that down no problem. Now I struggle with more than a starter and a main or two starters unless it's a very long drawn out meal or they are tiny portions (so why am I so much fatter now than I was then?! hmm)

This annoys me so much I used to be able to eat loads. I did overstuff myself when I went out and that, I knew I did but I enjoyed it also so meh. Now, I cannot manage proper meals very often. Yet I am 2 stone heavier now than when I used to eat like a pig. Exercise is the same, if anything I do more now that I have the kids than I ever did before. Annoys the hell out of me and makes not much sense really. But its true.

@tinysparklyshoes

YOU are not gluttonous, I am not, some posters on here are not.

But many people are.

We are not one of the fattest nations in the world because we eat nothing but salad and fruit.

Why are you so offended by someone saying people in this country tend to be gluttonous?

I am not offended at all, because I know I am not.

Only someone who is a bit gluttonous would be offended by it, because it would hit a raw nerve.

So if YOU are not gluttonous, it baffles me why you are offended.

TinySParkly
Just because you go to horrible places that over feed do not assume everyone else does. 3 properly sized courses are NOT gluttony, and you are very rude.

What?

You have no idea about where I eat! Don't be so silly.

Ping Sparkly is a bit of a snob I think. She's getting worked up about some other poster mentioning Prezzo and where other people eat! As though budget indicates a lack or otherwise of gluttony!

Having a starter and a pudding only, and still only managing to eat 30% at most is very strange

They didn't say that, they said if they had a main, they often left 30% as it was too much. Some restaurant portions are enormous.

On holiday once we took to only ordering pasta starters and nothing else because the starter portion was more than you got from a supermarket pasta ready meal. Plenty for a meal on it's own - fuck knows how much you would have got for a main. There is absolutely no point ordering more food than you can eat in order to 'join in'.

The only time I have ever managed to eat three courses was the set menu in a French restaurant where the portions were very small.

Most average UK restaurants, whether chain or independent, 2 starters or just a main is usually more than enough.

I used Prezzo as an example of a chain everyone knows, but in any Indian/Chinese/Italian/Mexican/tapas/Turkish/Thai restaurant, 3 courses would come to >1500 calories.

That much in one go is gluttonous.

Unless you're going to very posh restaurants.

Don't be daft, Pei. Being able to eat more than a third of your meal in a restaurant does not make you a glutton!
Do you have food issues? I'd wonder why you ever bothered eating out when it seems such an ordeal for you and, no doubt, those eating with you
Do you make these comments at the table?

anyway, all this talk of 3 courses has done is made me feel hungry.

God if I was your manager I would have to stick up for you and would have replied

"LOL Sorry but I agree with Tattius... I feel its a bit unsharing and tight to make our less paid juniors pay for our 3 course meals when they had 1 "

I'm a bit at 3 courses being considered gluttonous. I usually have 3 courses just not last night as the menu was naff (no garlic bread in an Italian restaurant FFS). Anyway so what if others eat more than you? Who cares? It's very rude to imply someone is greedy.

Anyhoo to reiterate - I was asked to pay £13 more than what I consumed not £3 more. And it was technically a Christmas meal so fat chance of the organisation paying!

Manager replied this morning saying basically what a load of tosh, she won't have her team subsidising anyone and it other manager has a problem she's happy to meet to discuss further. No word back yet

Yolo in an Italian restaurant (as per OP "poky Italian place") you could easily have 500 kcal in your half of antipasti sharer, another 1000 in a pizza or creamy pasta dish, and 700 in cake with ice cream. Add another 500 for a couple of glasses of wine and a G&T, and you hit 2700 in one meal.

Numbers from MFP based on Pizza Express, btw.

At my local pub you could comfortably have an 800kcal starter before you even sniffed a chip!

Manager replied this morning saying basically what a load of tosh, she won't have her team subsidising anyone and it other manager has a problem she's happy to meet to discuss further.

Excellent!