About not splitting the bill?

[TattiusTeddius]

At work we are about to merge teams with a group of about 10 people who work for the same organisation but in a different building and do a very similar job to us. The team managers organised a Christmas night out tonight to get to know each other a bit better. They picked a place that wasn’t too expensive for a meal, and we put in pre-orders and paid £10 deposit per head.

I only ordered a main as I wasn’t crazy about any of the starters or desserts, and so did a few colleagues from my team. Mine was £10.50 so I was only supposed to owe 50p tonight plus whatever drinks I’d buy.

It was established at the beginning that everyone would order and pay for their own drinks at the bar as some people were drinking and some weren’t. Some people (mostly from the other team) had pre-ordered 3 courses, which would be around the £35/£40 Mark in total.

We all had a lovely night and made the effort to mix with each other, everyone seems to get along well. However When the bill came, one (of the better paid) members of the other team took charge and calculated that because the food bill was £216 we owed £13.50 each.

I was , as I should have only owed 50p, I was going to put £3 in to cover that and a tip. 2 of my younger colleagues, who are on less money than me, looked a bit annoyed as well. One is on minimum wage and the other has just had a baby so I know that they could do with the money. One of them was technically owed 50p as her main was only £9.50 and she ordered nothing else.

Anyway I spoke up and said that I think it’s only fair for me and the 2 colleagues to put in what we owe as we only had one course each. The ‘organiser’ from the other team argued the toss, saying that she thought we were splitting the bill evenly and that we should have made it clear at the start of the meal if we only wanted to pay for our own. I said I didn’t think I should have to point that out when there’s a £25 difference in what some people are ordering (she had 3 courses BTW). I stood my ground and we and a couple of others paid for our own, everyone else split between them (it went up to £18 each when split). The 2 younger colleagues thanked me quietly afterwards btw!

The manager from the other team has text my manager after the meal saying that it’s ‘unspirited and unsharing’ to insist on paying for our own meals and that’s not how they do it in their team. She made a joke about us being skinflints, but I do think it was just a joke. She basically doesn’t think it bodes well if we have an ‘every man for themself attitude’. My manager is on our side, she wanted me to know about the messages to give me a heads up in case they bring it up with me but she’s going to reply tomorrow fighting our corner.

WIBU or do they have a point? It’s gonna be awful when we merge isn’t it?

@TattiusTeddius

Your OP reads very much like you only paid an extra £3.

Maybe you could get MN to alter it for you.

You are going to get 100s of posts for DAYS now saying YABU to fuss over £3.00

YANBU to be irked at subsidising someone else's eating and drinking though. I don't mind so much with friends and family, but not work colleagues and acquaintance. Too many CF's out there who expect people to sub their meals!

I'm kind of amazed that someone trying to get away with paying £13.50 for a 3-course meal that should've cost 37 quid had the cheek to call YOU a skinflint.

With this type of event it is always best to be explicitly clear about how the bill will be split at the end of the evening. Saves a lot of aggro.

P.S. I think it's quite clear that you were being asked to pay an extra £13, not £3.

YANBU and the other manager sounds a tit moaning about having to pay for what she bloody ordered!

It's so off when people do this. It's totally different with a small number of good friends who are likely to ask have similar priced things but this is just rude of them. Double the price of your meal is awful, especially when they already recognised that there was one discrepancy in what some were drinking.

I don’t blame you. I once ended up paying £15 for a £5 meal because I left early with a colleague who was ill and the other four people had three courses each and cocktails. Quite deliberate too. There was a ringleader who regularly pulled shit like this. Stand your ground.

You absolutely did the right thing, speaking up about it and making the point, especially for the less well paid. If the other manager has a problem with it, perhaps you should remind her that teamwork is about playing to strengths and weaknesses. You showed great teamwork skills by 1. Insisting things were equitable (I.e those who,have most should not be subsidised by those who have the least) and 2. Making sure the members of the team who were not being treated fairly were not being left behind. You’d be an asset to any team IMO and if she can’t see that it will be to her own detriment.

butchyrestingface

Fud = fabulous word. Mr Foo and I were talking the other day about words we don’t hear much any more but wished we did. That was top of the list 😂

THE OP WAS ASKED TO PAY AN EXTRA £13.00 FOR HER MEAL

There you go.

YANBU.

Love it when the tight cunts who want their meal subsidised by other people, start calling others skinflints.

Stealth The maths confused me at first but I think the way it must have gone was as follows:

16 people who all paid a £10 deposit up front, therefore £160
On the night an additional £216 was required, therefore the total bill was £376. Between 16 people that is £23.50 per head (hence the extra £13.50)

So it would only take half the people having £35 meals and the other half having £12.

Anyway it seems to me like a difference in expectations. One lot thinking, yes this is what we expect to do on an evening out and the other with a different idea of reasonable. Sounds like the team managers objective might have backfired a bit given the "our team" "other team" tone of your post.

The maths will probably get easier. Two teams doing similar jobs who are merging? There will be fewer of you by next Christmas for sure.

I agree with My Brilliant Disguise, the other manager is totally out of order. I can't bear a bill swerver!! Most of them are repeat offenders.

What kind of manager bullies more junior employees, who probably earn less, and tried to make them pay for their expenses. And even worse, follows it up with an email - just to try and get the employee in trouble (although actually making them self look an even bigger fool/bully than they already did!)

Your manager should tell them to stick to their own seperate Xmas do next year if they're going to ruin the night trying to avoid payments ng their bills!

I always prefer to pay my own whether consuming more or less than others - would prefer to not stress that I was taking more than the other people.

Yanbu op

And it's hardly sharing expecting someone to pay £23 for a £10 meal

I'm kind of amazed that someone trying to get away with paying £13.50 for a 3-course meal that should've cost 37 quid had the cheek to call YOU a skinflint

Assuming the CF also paid the £10 deposit

Then she was trying to pay £23.50 for a £37 meal whilst making the op pay £23.50 for a £10.50 meal

There will be fewer of you by next Christmas for sure

Oh yes. There’s noises of “oh we’re not reducing, just improving and gelling” or some such bollocks. But I’m too long in the tooth and experienced to believe that a team merge won’t mean redundancies. And I think people know it, which makes me wonder if this conflict is not coincidental (cynical, moi?)

Then she was trying to pay £23.50 for a £37 meal whilst making the op pay £23.50 for a £10.50 meal

This is basically the gist of it.
She (and a couple of others) still only paid £28 (£10 deposit plus £18 on the night) for a £37 meal. They saw us coming didn’t they

I think because it was agreed to pay for your own drinks then it was definitely implied that the food would be split. It would have been better to query this when the list went around with a friendly email, so that everyone was on the same page.

I wouldn’t be too upset at falling out with the manager. For sure you have made friends out of those low paid members of her team who,have been forced to go along with the “This is what the team does” shit and have been subsidising her 3 course meals for years 😄

Wasn’t £3, was an extra £13. Yanbu. Reminds me of a time at a work meal, bill arrived and one end of the table each put what they owed in plus tip, then passed the bill & cash to the other end - who added up what we’d put in and split the remainder between them! A more forthright colleague spoke up and pointed out they were taking our tips off their meal. I don’t believe they didn’t realise that as they were each about to pay less than their meals had cost...

I always always only pay for what I actually got.

Bloody freeloaders wanting people who had 1 main and tap water to pay for their desserts and cocktails!

Its always those who are saving money themselves by suggesting an even split who kick off when others say 'no I am not paying 50 quid for a bowl of pasta and a coke' Suddenly it becomes 'oh those only wanting to pay for their own are so tight' and whatnot. Which is just funny really given its them who would be saving by getting others to put in above their share.

Personally with it only being a few quid difference I wouldn't have said anything. But I have in the past when its been a very large difference and people have tyook the piss.

I also think you did the right thing, if it was a couple of quid then neither here nor there and would be good spirited to split evenly.

However for a manager to expect junior member of staff to cover others 3 course meals is ridiculous and very poor form on her part, I hope your manager backs you up and gives her what for!

Well done you on sticking up for yourself and others

This, that Disguised said on P1:

I think your manager ought to wipe the floor with her and remind her that she had 3 courses but was only prepared to pay £13.50. Even when the bill was adjusted, she paid less than she ate. That is NOT the spirit of a great workplace, if junior staff have to subsidise manager's meals!

OK, even though now it has changed to £23.50. It should be pointed out who exactly was getting things off on a bad foot, and the other Team's manager should be shamed for expecting Junior / less well paid staff well, anybody really to subsidise their meal.

I’m too long in the tooth and experienced to believe that a team merge won’t mean redundancies.

Well the odds are that one of the team managers will be "let go". Let's hope yours stays! Bet they both known this too.

Yadnbu and you were brilliant to take a stand, especially when it came to your lower paid team members.
The only thing I would say is sometimes people who have more money simply don't realise how little others have. e.g. I once went to a lunch where there was a set menu or a la carte. Several of us just had the two courses for £x but some of the others didn't fancy the choices so chose from the a la carte, had a fancy drink or whatever too and then wanted to just split the bill at the end "as it's simpler". I'm 100% sure they weren't trying to pull a fast one, they just had what they wanted and offered to split as could easily afford whatever it cost (but didn't even occur to them that some of us had had FAR less and really didn't want to pay more). I think if they had had less they still would have been happy to split.