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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

262 replies

Masha31 · 15/11/2017 20:36

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?! Confused

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 15/11/2017 20:40

Over stepping the mark definitely.

Carry on as you were.

TheQueenOfWands · 15/11/2017 20:40

DS was nearly four when he gave his up.

Tell them to piss off. Give the leaflet back to them tomorrow.

They shouldn't be making up tales, and your parenting is none of their business.

Ilovelampandchair · 15/11/2017 20:40

I think they are simply trying to help your daughter. It might actually work better and easier than you trying it whenever you're ready. So I'd take the support and run with it. Those dummies will hopefully be gone as a result.

Redsrule · 15/11/2017 20:41

No, she is 4.

Dippydippydora · 15/11/2017 20:42

Totally overstepping the mark but you will have posters soon telling you dummy's are the work of the devil and having a dummy at four means they will grow up to be a serial killer or something like that
My DS still has one at night we he is in reception, rather that then thumb sucking

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 15/11/2017 20:43

You wanted the dummy gone, maybe this will help that happen

Witsender · 15/11/2017 20:43

Over stepping. Fine to mention it to you, but not her. My daughter had her dummy still at 4 for bed, school was the impetus to give it up but in her own time.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/11/2017 20:44

YABU. You say I'd rather she didn't have it . Maybe the message from the school will help reinforce that?

BuzzKillington · 15/11/2017 20:44

I think they're only trying to help.

She could get teased for having a dummy at 4. I too would accept the support.

AdalindSchade · 15/11/2017 20:45

Having a dummy at 4 isn't great, so maybe don't be so defensive and accept their advice?

AnneElliott · 15/11/2017 20:45

Definitely overstepping! DS had his til he was 5. The dentist told him it would make his teeth stick out, and he told me to get the dummy fairy to come that night!

Redsrule · 15/11/2017 20:45

Sadly they need to stop using dummies at this point otherwise it restricts their ability to communicate.

64BooLane · 15/11/2017 20:46

I’m sure they meant well but they’ve handled this pretty badly. YANBU

LoniceraJaponica · 15/11/2017 20:47

I'm inclined to agree with BuzzKillington. This might be the boost she needs to give it up.

DD wasn't interested in having a dummy, but she sucked her thumb until she was 6 so I can't criticise.

DropZoneOne · 15/11/2017 20:48

My 9 year old still sucks her thumb at bedtime. Lord knows how many things I've tried. I'd like to see a teacher try to give me a leaflet!

Definitely overstepping the mark on the teacher's part. If they had concerns (speech?) They should have raised them with you.

Witsender · 15/11/2017 20:48

The OP said that she only had it at night and in the car so unlikely to affect communication or lead to her being picked on.

livingdownsouth · 15/11/2017 20:48

My son had a dummy til quite late on - maybe until the Christmas he turned 4 shortly after. He had it going to bed, and maybe if he was tired after lunch for half an hour or so on the couch. My SIL was very huffy over this, whilst her dd (the same age as my ds) thumbsucksed her way through childhood! I ignored her, as I would probably ignore the teacher - who had no business talking to your dd - unless she plans on having the same conversation with all the thumb suckers. When he was ready he gave his dummy to Santa and didn't look back - to the point of coming across a rogue one a week later and handing it to me "Santa left one behind"

confused123456 · 15/11/2017 20:48

I think it could of been handled better, but it may help.
(Personally I hate dummies anyway and wouldn't ever allow my child to have one. And no he doesn't suck his thumb either).

OlennasWimple · 15/11/2017 20:49

They meant well, handled it badly but what's done is done. Use this as the first step to get rid of it before permanent damage is caused to her mouth and teeth

missymayhemsmum · 15/11/2017 20:49

Children who have dummies risk tooth decay, and are slower to develop language generally, so if staff become aware that a child older than 1 is using a dummy it would be policy to gently suggest to parent and child that it's time to move on.

But ultimately it's up to you and your dd.

lalalalyra · 15/11/2017 20:49

Totally overstepping. They should have spoken to you first to see if you wanted any help. Given that she doesn't have it at school (which some parents try to allow) it's really not down to them.

Braceface · 15/11/2017 20:50

Dropzone my daughter still sucks her thumb at 10

LittleOwl153 · 15/11/2017 20:52

See I am in two minds on this. I hate dummies - took dd's off her at just 2. Ds however is a thumb sucker... And will continue to be at school. I can't take his thumb off him can I so how would they deal with that? Same impact in teeth. He's a chatterbox anyway so the thumb actually gives us some 'airspace' sometimes!

Seniorcitizen1 · 15/11/2017 20:52

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

TheQueenOfWands · 15/11/2017 20:54

My cousin is nearly 30 and sucks her thumb.

At least a dummy you can eventually throw out.