To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

[Masha31]

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?!

Yabu. She isn't a baby or toddler, she's at school and using a dummy is bad for her teeth (adult ones of which aren't too far away), bad for her speech development and bad for her communication at this point.
The leaflet might help you sort it out as you said you want to anyway.

catching up on the walking dead whilst reading and the tiger just died

OMG @Flumplet why would you post a WD plot spoiler on a thread about dummies??!!!!

They asked your DD about her dummy, then made a decision to speak to you.

The teacher will have noted the info, but doubt they'd do much more than that

Get off you high horse and be grateful someone is on your side for giving the dummy up!!

But they didn’t just ask her about her dummy, they made the decision that she shouldn’t have it anymore and told her so without consulting her parent.....

They shouldn’t have discussed it without your permission with your daughter. I’d be annoyed.

why On earth can’t a teacher say don’t suck your thumb or give up dummies or don’t bite your nails or suck your hair?

It’s not going to harm a child to be given advice

My ds was ill too, you know, Namaste. He was in and out of hospital until about 3, though not cancer. He was always in pain/ill, and had major surgery which left him with huge scar. No body told me that dummy was a comfort.

I think it may have stung that they are pushing it when you were going to do that anyway - I don’t use dummies personally but I remember when I Ds was still not potty trained at 3 and the nursery we’re pushing it even though I was going to do it - I got over my annoyance and worked with them instead - and it went well.

So someone dared to educate you regarding your child? How dare they. She gave you leaflet, she didn't report you to SS

Niki I did wonder if OPs child had health needs else I don't see any other reason a child of 4 would have a dummy. My DD had one until around 18 months, we had a few tears but at 18 months we had tears about all sorts of things, I dread to think if I'd have given her what she wanted every time she had a tantrum.

It's the sort of thing that you dread taking away. But actually she'll probably cope fine. Just bite the bullet. Forget the nursery and them overstepping boundaries. Deal with the issue. Mine loved her bottle. We dreaded taking it off her and thought she'd never sleep again. She was fine within 24 hours.

Omg I got that leaflet about dummies this week too! We looked at a potential primary school and they gave a whole bunch of info including that leaflet. We don’t have dummies but I still found it intrusive to be given this leaflet. For me it oversteps the role of the teacher and is interfering into family life unless there is a concern with a child’s speech or similar

op why the drama? you know what works for you and your family and you have a game plan. so why give a flying fu to the brochure and discussion?
my only concern is that a dummy can lead to dental conditions and might not be so harmless as you assume. has your little one been seeing the dentist regularly?

NamasterNiki. Poor little poppet, please give her an extra hug from me when you see her next. If she was mine she could have the moon on a stick, nevermind a bloody dummy.

Masha the school was totally out of order. She doesn’t have it at school, it’s none of their bloody business. If some batshit rule means they feel compelled t hand you a leaflet, fine, but it’s NOT their place to discuss this with your DD like that. They have NO idea why she has it. Some traumatised children use them for comfort, it is not up to the school to go in like bulldozers, they could really do some damage.

I think dummies are great for newborns, ill or traumatised, bereaved etc children. Personally, however, I’m not fond of other children (rather than small babies) having them, but you know, it’s not the end of the world and largely none of my business. What I really hate though is when the child is quite happy but a parent finds the dummy & shoves it in the child’s mouth. Just why?

I think we often overlook dcs still having dummies, still in nappies, still in a buggy, because we're used to it and it takes someone outside the family to say something before we do something about it.

No good being offended. Schools often have to take on things which used to be taught at home because some parents don't do it. She'll probably get taught about tooth brushing and hand washing, too. 4 is too old to need a dummy in the car on the way to school. You could at least leave the dummy at home. It really isn't doing her teeth or her palate any good and every time she uses it it's reinforcing a bad habit.

I think you're annoyed with the teacher because you feel guilty.

My experience is that late use of a dummy does not necessarily inhibit development or clarity of speech.

For me it oversteps the role of the teacher and is interfering into family life

Yes! Just like teaching kids to use utensils, potty train them and teach manners, how to zip up a coat or put their shoes on, all basic family life stuff that sadly some parents can't or won't teach their children. This is just another example where school have to look out for the child (that's all children not just OPs, and yes unfortunately there are plenty of brilliant parents who are also caught up in these small issues, but sadly that's where we are in today's society)

I think you need to suck it up (no pun intended)

Neither of my kids ever had a dummy.
I don't get the need to harass children who do have dummies. It won't hurt her teeth, or make her fat, or really cause any harm. Wrenching it away could be traumatic. She is only little. She is only just 4!

I

YANBU
Chuck the leaflet , ignore, and just carry on with your original plan.

Empress you can't hurt teeth but dummies can certainly damage them and stunt the growth of them and the roof of the mouth. So can thumb sucking too.

I personally preferred to stick a dummy in my baby's mouth and lie on the sofa with a joint and a bottle of vodka. Takes all sorts I suppose

This isn't really a subject for jocularity. You've taken my words completely out of context. I struggled to get my SN firstborn to use a dummy. The doctors and nurses told me it would benefit her progress, as she had no suck reflex. It would have made my life a whole lot easier. I would have been grateful for that easement. But she spat it out. She never learnt to suck, and has never developed a suck reflex and is now a grown up lady with a significant learning disability. Still can't drink through a straw. Or speak.

My following 2 children were 'normal' and had normal suck reflexes.
I had to bottle feed them both because of the demands of my firstborn who kept me awake far more often than the two youngest.
By this time I'd learned a lot about suck reflex, and that children who are regularly stimulated by dummies at an advanced age are less interested in their surroundings, so are slower to learn.
I decided to not introduce dummies to my 2nd and 3rd child.
I had to find other ways to settle them at night, and I found that by reading stories it didn't take long for them to fall asleep. That was my experience.

That's not to say that dummy sucking kids are less intelligent. Just that they are slower to catch up with their non dummy sucking peers.

RozDeek I think you've judged me a bit unfairly, but I can live with it.
I still think four years is long enough to wean a child off a dummy.

Hysterical anti dummy nonsense. One of mine had one until just after his fifth birthday at limited times of the day. No side affects at all. The child is likely to give it up when ready and it’s none of the school’s business.

I'm not a fan of a dummy and so far I haven't used one with my kids.

However, your daughter does and whether I or their teacher thinks it's right, ultimately the decision is yours.

I do think chatting to you about it is fine and giving you the leaflet but not talking to the child. I've seen many a child at school (I work in one), suck their thumb until ages of 9/10.

I don't think it's hysterical at all. If you believe that dummies are good/no harm for your child, then don't fret and challenge the school for over stepping. But just know/accept there are people with other opinions. Personally, I don't care if someone uses dummy or not. I just think it's not good for my child, so I expressed my opinion, that's all. I wouldn't judge people who use them tbh.

Hes severly disabled and is oral adverse. He had horrendous reflux and no suck swallow breathe reflex. It was given by the nurse by advice of consultant paediatrician!!!!

I was given this same advice for my SN dd who has no suck swallow breathe reflex, as you may have noticed from my previous posts.

We over react to these threads because of our own experience.
To see a 'normal' 4 year old with a dummy is way out of our perceived
'normal' I would give my left arm (maybe true) for my 25 year old dd to be able to suck liquid through a straw. Or even suck a dummy to comfort her. But she never will.

For people who have normal children not to want to move them on into maturity is incomprehensible to me. I also have two younger NT chidren, and they moved on at their own pace, but I never gave either of them a dummy. I never had a dummy and neither of my brothers had a dummy. We have always been a dummy free family until the doctors suggested my firstborn would be pacified by a dummy.

It did not pacify her at all, so the dummy idea was dumped.
I might be living in a bubble, but I don't think dummies are really that helpful to child development.