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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

262 replies

Masha31 · 15/11/2017 20:36

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?! Confused

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 15/11/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Masha31 · 15/11/2017 21:16

Thanks for all your comments. I'd rather be left to my own ways to stop her having it....like I said I think the teacher has dealt with it incorrectly and overstepped the mark. D certainly never stops talking so no issues there!

Roll on the dummy haters.....

OP posts:
Spartasprout · 15/11/2017 21:16

I'm also a senior citizen. My oldest daughter had a dummy which was a great help with colic and reflux (she's now 40 and doesn't use a dummy), my youngest is 38 and was a thumb sucker to the extent that as a teenager when she was trying to stop nail nibbling we used stop and grow, except on her sucking thumb. She no longer sucks her thumb. Both are articulate, used four syllable words as pre-schoolers and no longer use dummies or thumbs. All kids are different, sometimes peer pressure makes them give up dummies or thumbs, one guarantee is that they won't be doing it in public once they get to senior school (see how old I am!). Oh, finally, my daughters both have beautifully straight teeth. Its scaremongering!

kaytee87 · 15/11/2017 21:19

@Flumplet spoiler alert! I’m way behind with twd tbh it’s getting shite anyway.

exLtEveDallas · 15/11/2017 21:22

Overstepping and I would have been very annoyed if it had happened to me.

My DD was repeatedly given a dummy whilst in SCBU despite my reservations - which disappeared the second the consultant told me she needed it. She had it pretty much constantly till she was 3, and then only for sleeping.

She kept it till the Xmas when she was 4, oh and from about 20 months we couldn’t bloody shut her up - can’t even now! I’ve still got her last dummy, reminds me of easier, sweeter times.

MumW · 15/11/2017 21:22

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary
Bloody Hell Seniorcitizen1 you really have your large judgy pants on today.

Not a fan of dummies either but eventually ended up giving DD1 one at about 5 months - although kept to an absolute minimum - it was that or an end to my nipple and sanity. It was the only way to get her to stay asleep after unlatching.

AcidentallyRunToWindsor · 15/11/2017 21:23

Overstepping the mark for sure but use it to your advantage.

Whatever you do don’t encourage thumb sucking as an alternative as I was told to do- years of braces ensued.

insomniac123 · 15/11/2017 21:24

All mine had/have dummies. Eldest DDgave hers up for a Thomas the tank scooterat 1 1/2 D son gave his up for third birthday presents, 2Nd DD the dentist told her at 3 she shouldn’t really have it quiet kindly, after we tried all sorts she gave it up on his say so, DD number is only 1 so still has it. They give them up - I had mine till I was 6! Chuck the leaflet in the bin and forget about it, trust your own instincts and do what you think best.

VulgarWheat · 15/11/2017 21:25

Flumpet WHAT, THE TIGER DIES SadSadSad

Original poster
Masha31 · 15/11/2017 21:25

I've not watched it yet.....spoiler alert!!!

OP posts:
Julie8008 · 15/11/2017 21:27

DC should not be using pacifiers when they start school. Thank the school for helping deal with it.

Flumplet · 15/11/2017 21:27

Oh shit...sorry

kaytee87 · 15/11/2017 21:30

@Julie8008 is that from a rulebook or something? The child isn’t using it whilst at school (which I agree would be a problem) but in her own private time.
Kids all over the world start school at different ages so which is the right age exactly in that rulebook you have there?

SuburbanRhonda · 15/11/2017 21:34

My 5yo ds has told a teacher he plays 18 rated play station games and I was hauled over the coals for that and they demanded I attend a police workshop the next day at 9am (urgent).

What a coincidence that they had a police workshop on exactly that topic running the very next day Hmm

RozDeek · 15/11/2017 21:36

People never seem to have this issue about kids sucking their thumbs, because they think dummies look common. It's snobbery.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/11/2017 21:37

I gave my ds a dummy when he was younger as i was being used as a human dummy as i bf'd him. Hes 2 now as he has it at night time. He knows he gets it taken off him in the morning. He puts them on his drawers and says bye bye dummies and he gets it when he comes home from nursery. Its his comforter and he can have it if he wants it in the form of a dummy

paxillin · 15/11/2017 21:40

Why cut off your nose to spite your face? You want the dummy to go. You haven't yet managed that. Miss says the dummy should go- she agrees with you. Aged 4, the power of "Miss says" can be great indeed. Use it to your advantage, lose the dummy now Miss is on board!

purpleme12 · 15/11/2017 21:43

My child is 4 and still has her dummy (although not in full time school yet). Only at night and when watching a film, when she's upset to calm her down. I have got stressed and have felt a bit embarrassed about it all but it has and still is the ONLY thing that has ever calmed her down. More recently I've not been on at her as much about it thinking that might be the best way. I do wonder how long it'll go on for. But then again recently when I've said no dummy she's actually put her thumb in her mouth and I don't want that so I can't help thinking this is the better option

QueenUnicorn · 15/11/2017 21:45

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

There's a link to them reducing the risk of SIDS.
Comfort for babies.
Help babies sleep.
Help mums to not be used as a human dummy (it happens)
Help reflux
And probably many more...

My daughter never took a dummy, now at 3 years old she still sucks her fingers causing a permanent mark. We cant take them away....

washingmachinefastwash · 15/11/2017 21:46

I’m not really sure what the issue is here.

Is it because you felt put on the spot/judged that you’re not happy with being given the leaflet? It sounds like they are trying to support you in trying to get rid of the dummy.

Only you can decide if you’re going to take the advice or not.

codswallopandbalderdash · 15/11/2017 21:53

so what are they going to do re all the kids who still suck their thumbs / fingers. Give their parents leaflets too ?? None of their business

Supergran58 · 15/11/2017 21:53

My 2 year old grandson has fantastic speech (up to 10 word sentences) and is also very attached to his dummy so in my experience complete nonsense that it affects speech development. I'm also a teacher and I would say that it's non of the teachers damn business what you do at home.

CrocusEater · 15/11/2017 21:55

I'm inclined to agree with BuzzKillington. This might be the boost she needs to give it up

I agree with this too. It's often when someone outside the family mentions that a child is way too old for a dummy that the child 'gets'it'' If Mummy and Daddy think it's fine, then the child will think it's ok too. Age four is way past dummy stage. It interferes with communication. If the nursery just spoke to the parent, the parent might decide that it's none of their business, and not communicate it to the child. I think age four is old enough for the nursery staff to encourage the child away from a dummy, and if I was a parent trying to wean my four year old off a dummy, I'd welcome the reinforcement.

I have three children who never had dummies, so maybe it's easier for me to say now than it took to do it at the time - but as far as 'being sad because it helps me get to sleep' a 15 minute bedtime story will achieve a similar result.

I have nothing against dummies. My first child barely slept for the first three years of her life. I would have given my left arm (well maybe not, but you know what I mean) to be able to stick a dummy in her gob to quieten her to sleep - but she wouldn't have it and she repeatedly spat it out. So I didn't bother trying with the following two, and just relied on reading my babies to sleep. Which works.

Sorry, I've banged on a bit. In answer to OP, I don't think it's overkill. I think four is quite an advanced age to have a dummy. I think the staff are trying to help wean her off it, for her own sake. I think four years old is mature enough to begin to take on the ideas of others beyond her immediate family. If it makes her think about giving up the dummy, isn't that a good thing? How is anything about it a bad or negative thing? You want her to give it up, they are helping her to understand that it's about time she did. Not in the slightest overkill.

oldmums · 15/11/2017 21:55

as long as shes not walking about all day with the dummy its none of anybody's business. she will give it up when shes ready. its better than a thumb as you cant ever throw it away .

Fresta · 15/11/2017 21:56

Don't really get the thumb sucking link; most children who gave their dummies up young or never had a dummy don't suck their thumb.