To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

[Masha31]

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?!

Pacifiers is the American word for them.

None of their bloody business and I would be telling them that. As for the pp who think no child has ever needed a dummy - bollocks. I have 3 DC 1st had a dummy till 18 months, 2nd had a dummy for every pocket until nearly 4 and 3rd wouldn't have one. All have great teeth and speak just fine. Each to their own.

Oh for goodness sake do your own research. I don't go around accusing parents of using dummies. As I explained before, active parent involvement is key to assessment. If a child is having speech issues then we discuss barriers, dummies included. It's my job. Now DFOD.

YANBU...my son is nearly 25 and had a dummy at night until he was nearly five at night. Eventually we did send it ‘to Santa’. He is absolutely fine, his teeth are perfect and he’s never had any doer he issues. The teachers should have spoken to you first and it’s none if their business what you do with your daughter to help her get to sleep.

I meant to say ‘speech issues’ - nine at all.

@seniorcitizen1 a consultant anaesthetist told me a dummy reduces risk of SIDS as keeps the air way open like a breathing tube places pressure on the tongue.

And a consultant orthodontist told me it has no impact on teeth or the mouth!

Oh for goodness sake do your own research.

How can I research why you think using a dummy at night only would affect speech?! When talking to adults rather than children you can't just say that something is a certain way because you know best and expect people to take your word for it. If you haven't compared children who do use a dummy as night (not day) with those who don't use a dummy at all to see if they are more likely to have speech problems (or read any research where someone else has) you can't possibly know that dummies at night lead to speech problems.

Honestly you must have some deep seated resentment for teachers. Never was it said that the dummy was only used at night, she clearly mentioned using it in the car. I talked about the children I have met in my career, with actual parents who use dummies. With many their speech is affected and we can make an educated decision that a may have played a part in that. Crack on with your research dear and I'll just crack on with my job like I do day in and day out.

Honestly you must have some deep seated resentment for teachers.

Not at all. The teachers who taught my children have mostly been very good and I can't imagine them interfering with parenting as in the OP.

Never was it said that the dummy was only used at night, she clearly mentioned using it in the car.

OP said it was only use at bedtime and in the car on the way to school. It is hard to see how that could interfere with speech.

I talked about the children I have met in my career, with actual parents who use dummies. With many their speech is affected and we can make an educated decision that a may have played a part in that.

Do the parents only use dummies at bedtime and in the car on the way to school though. I doubt it. It is clear that you don't actually have a clue whether or not using a dummy at bedtime or on the journey to school would have an effect on speech.

'I would never give my child a dummy...'
'Completely unnecessary...'
Blah blah blah, whatever.
My oldest is 18, he didn't have a dummy, he had a blanky type piece of material, it's under his pillow, right now, next is my 10 year old, she had a dummy, till she was 3, shockingly and completely in contradiction to previous post-ers she had an amazing vocabulary aged 18 months, has good teeth and no fillings, next, 7 year old, never had a dummy, throws paddys a lot, has a temp filling in one of her baby teeth, never slept a full night, next, 4 year old reception starter, still has a dummy, for bed only, and the weirdo doesn't suck them, had two in his toes and one to rub on his face!! Has the vocabulary of an 8 year old, can define words such as 'acceleration' 'adhesion' etc.
Has lovely teeth and is generally in good humour.

If school approached him like that I'd be angry, how do they know the dummy was your daughters for a Start?!
No doubt the dummy police will jump on me but until youv had a child, or two, or four, don't be Judy judgemental.