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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

262 replies

Masha31 · 15/11/2017 20:36

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?! Confused

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 15/11/2017 20:55

Fine to mention it to you, but not her.

This. My then 4 year old was very upset when her teacher said something similar about her sucking her thumb (she only does it when tired). I wrote in stating that it was inappropriate to raise this with DD rather than me (the teacher saw me everyday) and received an apology. DD is now 7, still sucks her thumb to get to sleep but has no issues with speaking or teeth.

crazycatlady5 · 15/11/2017 20:56

Why on earth have they made it their business that she has a dummy?!

ButterfliesAreWeird · 15/11/2017 20:56

It's part of the ECAT criteria so it's part of their job. You've been struggling for the past 3 years to take it away so having their help can only be a good thing.

Pastaagain78 · 15/11/2017 20:56

Overstepping. I would be pissed off too.

DearMrDilkington · 15/11/2017 20:57

Seniorcitizen1 A dummy can reduce the risk of SIDS.

juddyrockingcloggs · 15/11/2017 20:57

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

Because some evidence shows that it can reduce the risk of SIDs.

And because some parents want to??

crazycatlady5 · 15/11/2017 20:57

@Seniorcitizen1 what an unhelpful post Hmm

juddyrockingcloggs · 15/11/2017 20:58

Cross post DearMrDilkington

Handsfull13 · 15/11/2017 20:58

It was inappropriate. They should definitely have spoken to you first and only if you wanted they could bring it up with your daughter. You should let them know you aren't happy about it incase something else happens similar to this.

Ttbb · 15/11/2017 20:58

I am not at all pro dummy and even I can see that it is really overstepping the mark.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 15/11/2017 20:59

If only schools focussed as much on educating as they they do on telling parents how to parent. Wouldn't life be wonderful.

Perhaps teacher training colleges could ensure all teachers drip the glottal stop and learn how to hold a knife and fork properly. And when teachers are perfect in every human way, they can tell other grown ups what to do about everything

Waffles80 · 15/11/2017 20:59

senior you’re totally wrong. My premature babies were given dummies in NICU to help strengthen their sucking reflex.

Thirtyrock39 · 15/11/2017 21:00

Wasn't the dummy/SIDS thing research sponsored heavily by a dummy manufacturer?

kaytee87 · 15/11/2017 21:02

Over stepping the mark. None of their business what so ever.

I had a dummy until I was 4, then sucked my thumb until i was about 8.

I’m not a serial killer Winkor weirdo (i don’t think).

At the end of the day it’s just a dummy, I wouldn’t stress about it. Why does she even have to give it up if she’s only really using it to get to sleep?

MycatsaPirate · 15/11/2017 21:03

Yanbu

It's absolutely none of their business how you parent your dd at home.

My oldest willingly gave up her dummy aged 2. DD2 still had hers at 4. Only when she was going to bed. And she was still in nappies going to bed at 4 too.

She got there when SHE was ready, not when anyone else wanted her to be ready.

I'd definitely say that in future if they have any issues, they discuss them with you or her dad, not a four year old child.

kaytee87 · 15/11/2017 21:04

@Seniorcitizen1 yes I’m sure your child and parenting experience is indicative of every child on the planet Hmm

SauvignonBlanche · 15/11/2017 21:04

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

I couldn't understand their use either until I developed a blood blister on my nipple.

Braceface · 15/11/2017 21:04

I gave my son a dummy so he wouldnt suck his thumb. Easily took it away when he was 3. She still sucks her thumb at 10. His teeth and speech are fantastic.

That's why you give a child a dummy. He loved his dummy and it comforted him.

OP don't worry. Get rid at Xmas like you said. It will be fine. She's only little. Not doing anyone any harm. And absolutely nothing to do with school.

Mamabear4180 · 15/11/2017 21:06

My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

You can't understand should have been the end of the sentence. very necessary in my DD's case., it helped with her reflux and calmed her when nothing else could.

It's none of the school's business. My 14 year old DD sucks her thumb, no idea when that will end. DD2 never had a dummy, DD3 is 16 months and has one as she was a high needs reflux baby and it was a godsend. Now she has it, I have no set date to chuck them out. It will be up to her ultimately.

kaytee87 · 15/11/2017 21:08

You've been struggling for the past 3 years to take it away so having their help can only be a good thing.

Where does op say she’s been struggling to take it away for 3 years?

BlackSwan · 15/11/2017 21:08

My son sucks his blanket to sleep - he's 7! He's been through a lot, and it gives him comfort, we will not take it away. I bought him a new one recently, but he still wants an old grubby one... He loves it. In one ear and out the other with school, just make sure she doesn't take it in again!

Nicae · 15/11/2017 21:09

The maternity ward gave my DD2 her first dummy when she had to have a lumber puncture at 1 day old. The sucking helped her through the pain. She continued to have it to help her through injections, blood tests and all the other horrible things that poorly babies have to go through. She is 20 months and still has it to sleep. There are many good reasons why a baby is given a dummy.

Flumplet · 15/11/2017 21:11

I love how they take stuff that kids say to them seriously and question your parenting behind your back without getting the facts first. It pisses me off. My 5yo ds has told a teacher he plays 18 rated play station games and I was hauled over the coals for that and they demanded I attend a police workshop the next day at 9am (urgent). Hand the leaflet back to them and put them firmly and politely straight. It might be worth reminding them that 4yos will say that fairies live at the bottom of the garden.

MrsKnightley · 15/11/2017 21:12

DS still sits with his blanket (buppy) over his head to help him sleep. It is bright yellow, ragged, smelly.

He is 17 and has left school.

Ignore them!

Flumplet · 15/11/2017 21:13

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