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Original poster

Do I need to cancel my wedding?

207 replies

Haggishappens · 26/10/2017 18:30

FIL has cancer, diagnosed 4 weeks ago as untreatable and there's nothing they can do, he was given 4-8 months.

We were due to get married in April but obviously moved the wedding forward as fast as we could, which was to this weekend.

Problem is, in the last 48 hours FIL has gone from fully functioning to bed bound and a bit confused. He's lost the strength in his legs completely and he's very weak.

DP wants the wedding to go ahead but I'm not sure if we should cancel?

FIL probably won't be well enough to attend and the whole reason for moving it forward was so he could be there Sad

Haven't spoken to MIL about it as they have much much more important things to think about, so should we cancel or go ahead? What if he doesn't make it? How do you even cancel a wedding at this stage?

Help Sad

OP posts:
BishBoshBashBop · 26/10/2017 19:45

I don't think you should cancel.

We had the same when my DSIL got married. My DFil died 19 days before her wedding. He was absolutely insistent she should go ahead.

My DH walked her down the aisle and read his speech that he had started to put together.

There were plenty of tears but she doesn't regret it as it was her DF last wish for her.

Flowers for you.

Notanumberuser · 26/10/2017 19:48

Oh love what a shitty shitty choice. I’d go ahead and video it for him and also go to see him in your good clobber if he cant make it.

Thinking of you

MummaDeeDee · 26/10/2017 19:49

How difficult for you all. I’d go ahead if you can, at least then your FIL will know that you did it and are officially wed. You could even pop in to him (obviously depending on locations) in between the ceremony and reception so he can see you.
Wish you all the very best with it all.

ADishBestEatenCold · 26/10/2017 19:59

Not for everyone, I know, but have you considered being quietly married by his bedside on Saturday morning, with FIL as one of your witnesses and then having a (ceremony length) blessing or affirmation, on Sunday, before your guests?

If he felt well enough to be with you for a short while on the Sunday, it would be great, but if he didn't you would still have a permanent reminder of the part he played in your wedding (his signature, as your witness Smile ).

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 26/10/2017 20:07

I'd go ahead. He will have the pleasure of knowing that you are married, and there are many ways he can still be part of the day even if he can't be there at the ceremony.

If you cancel he's going to be distressed that he's the reason for it, and he and you and DP will be aware that when you re-arrange it he may not be here to be involved - and that would be sadder for all of you.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 26/10/2017 20:11

I'd go ahead and if he can't make it to even just the wedding in a wheelchair with his wife and a carer possibly, I'd make time out the day to go visit if it's within a reasonable distance? If not then him just seeing the pics of his son being married will surely be comforting to him.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/10/2017 20:11

Yes, go ahead.

This way FIL will be here for your wedding even if he can't be there, he can see photos, see you two together in your wedding outfits, etc.

Too sad to cancel now with everyone knowing that the wedding will go ahead but he won't be around.

Your DP wants you to get married while his dad is still here.

BakedBeans47 · 26/10/2017 20:11

I would go ahead x

What a bloody shame. Life is so cruel x

Oldieandgoldie · 26/10/2017 20:14

As sad as it sounds, also be prepared for him to slip quietly away later, relaxed and happy that you and his son are married.
Hope you have a lovely day.

MarieAntoinettezzz · 26/10/2017 20:20

Go for it. Your FIL would feel awful if you cancelled the wedding because if him.
And somwouod your MIL I suspect.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/10/2017 20:20

Could you afford to hire a private carer/nurse for the day to assist him and be on hand in case of any medical issues?

If he can't go to the wedding then you could perhaps get a priest or humanist celebrant to do a little blessing at the house if you think he would like that.

I'm really sorry you're going through this Flowers

Smartiepants79 · 26/10/2017 20:25

If your DP and his family want it to go ahead I would do it. It's so sad. My Grandad died the day before my wedding. We didn't get told until the day after and I'll always be grateful to the family members who kept it to themselves for 24 hrs.
I think you need to follow your DP's lead on this one.
A blessing at his bedside is a lovely idea if it's possible.

ilovekitkats · 26/10/2017 20:25

I would go ahead and have FIL there in a wheelchair for as much as he can take, or if not then film it so he can see it later that day. Take time out of your reception and Visit him yourselves for an hour maybe?

My friends dad was ill before her brothers wedding and luckily he was well enough to attend in a wheelchair but the wedding would have gone ahead regardless.

C8H10N4O2 · 26/10/2017 20:31

Even if he can't make it in person it might make him happy to 'see' you both married, especially if he knows he won't make any wedding in person. A desire to see children settled and happy is natural in dying parents.

If you can visit him afterward with pictures and stories of the event it still lets him share it and he will see you happy - that is important too.

Original poster
Haggishappens · 26/10/2017 20:59

We're going ahead. I've just had the chat with MIL and she's mortified we even suggested cancelling. She thinks the likelihood is they won't be coming and they'll watch the ceremony from home, one of my bridesmaids will FaceTime them. She will stay at home with FIL.

As for the honeymoon I think we're going to play that one by ear. We're not going far so we can always get home if he's not good.

It's just bloody shit.

OP posts:
HaHaHmm · 26/10/2017 21:03

All the best, OP. It will be bittersweet but I don’t think you’ll regret it. Flowers

Fruitbat1980 · 26/10/2017 21:11

ah bless you. Big hugs and flowers sent your way. You're doing the right thing. My grandpa had been poorly in build up to my wedding, we were extremely close, the wedding was on his land. He passed 48 hours before the wedding. It was awful. But everyone including his wife said we should go ahead. We went on the honeymoon and missed funeral. I still wonder if we did the right thing? But there is no right and wrong in these kind of situations. As long as his/ your nearest and dearest are on board, go with what feels right for you. It's shit. And I'm sorry. Best wishes.

specialsubject · 26/10/2017 21:30

Raising a glass to you at the weekend. And your father in law gets to know that his son is married and to see the bride and photos even if he doesn't get there.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 26/10/2017 21:48
Flowers

I’m sure both Mil and FIL will be so happy they have something lovely to look forward to.x

Bratsandtwats · 29/10/2017 09:26

Happy Wedding Day Haggis.

I hope your FIL can make it to the actual ceremony. If not, I hope he enjoys watching it via facetime.

coffeecow · 29/10/2017 09:31

Happy Wedding Day OP - hope you all have a fabulous time x

GinIsIn · 29/10/2017 09:33

Happy wedding day. Try to think of it as you are creating a last happy memory for your FIL to take with him and enjoy it as much as you can. Xxxx

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 29/10/2017 09:34

Happy wedding day OP!

Original poster
Haggishappens · 29/10/2017 09:44

Thanks guys! My hair is done, I'm very excited! As far as we know FIL is coming, fingers crossed!

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 29/10/2017 09:47

Hope you have a lovely day despite the sadness of not having yoir ILs there.

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