....to not invite this girl to my daughter's party because she's a nightmare!!!

[smokinhotchilli]

This is so tricky! And all this is new to me so any advice would be great.
My daughter has been friends with a girl called Rose (made up name) for two years. They are both 4. There's a group of kids who have been close since nursery & they have all started school & are in the same class.
Have never been very close to Rose's mum but the girls occasionally meet up at weekends .... Or used to...
Since starting school, Rose has become a bit of a nightmare. According to my daughter, none of the group want to play with her, she hits, shouts, pushes, doesn't listen and is really naughty (all told to me by my daughter & the other kids) and they often tell the teacher .... I've seen Rose doing all of this before & after school.
My daughter is refusing to have her at her birthday party which is really soon & won't invite her. The mum texted to ask what's happening for my daughters birthday...
What would you do?
AIBU to ask the mum if everything is ok at home & mention Rose's behaviour in a gentle & considerate way? And then explain that my daughter doesn't want her at the party? Arghhhhh! Don't want to upset anyone.

And TBF the OP is one of the sensible ones which makes it even more bizarre

Huh?

The thread and the way it's gone smoking

What a lot of bollocks if anyone told me to have a class party I'd tell them to get lost or words to that effect. I think at times these parties are more for adult bragging than for children's enjoyment
Anyway these dc the OP mentioned are just 4 and will be changing friends on a weekly basis.

Interested to know who cancelled the play date since you’re still about op.

Hi Corbyn
(I'm still about but lurking on a thread I no longer recognise but that's ok, it really is! I'm learning a lot 👍
The other person (not Rose's mum) cancelled & it wasn't suggested that we go ahead & meet anyway & to be honest I'm so flipping busy at the mo & I didn't instigate it as well because I knew my daughter wouldn't want to go! At bedtime she said
'I wonder if Rose is going to be mean tomorrow'

Whilst I would always encourage my children to be kind and tolerant of other children's personalities and behaviours, I would never force them together with a child who is violent or aggressive towards them - whether they're two, four or fourteen. No, just no.
OP, your 4 year old seems pretty sensible to me. The only thing i'd do differently is tell Rose's mother the truth - her child is aggressive and the other children don't like it. I'd do that just because i'm brutally honest and it would feel a disservice to Rose not to communicate the truth to her mum. I absolutely 100% do not believe being 4 is justification for aggression or violence.

Smokin

It's clearly playing on her mind a lot. I think letting her have the final decision, and giving Rose a final chance this week, sound very fair.

Sounds like you have a very kind girl there.

And don't worry, the school will have no expectation of you, or any other parent, to invite the whole class

Seems OPs child is kind and tolerant, even if the final decision is not to include Rose. This is clearly playing on her mind a lot and she has given another chance, which is something I wouldnt do tbh if someone had been hitting me and being nasty,

No idea why some on here think Rose should be invited to a party of 5/6. I would agree IF it was a whole class party that it was mean to leave only her out, but its not. Most of the class won't be invited so why invite the person who has been making your own child sad? weird really. Only way it makes sense for people to be suggesting that, is if they have a child who hits and scratches other pupils tbh

'I wonder if Rose is going to be mean tomorrow'

I wonder too.

Was she mean?

She was apparently ...... Not mean

....tbc

That's good, she gets invited to the party then!

Mabey there were a couple of days where she was like that, and not every day.

'Rose (have almost written her real name SOOO many times!) and my daughter apparently played together today & 'Rose wasn't naughty or mean to me or anyone else'
So I asked if she could be invited & my daughter said....... 'Oh, ohhhhkaaayyyy'
I said 'are you sure?'
She said
'Yes that's fine'
I texted Rose's mum.
It's on.
The end? 😂

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Marvellous!

I suppose it ought to be the end. Unless you want to let us know how the party goes... 🤞😂

Thanks op. It’s been an interesting ride!

Yes please let us know how the party goes. You really have a lovely little girl, hope the party goes really well.

That's good, I wonder how aggressive Rose really was, might there have been some exaggeration on the kids part.

From the beginning of this thread I thought yep they're 4 year olds and they bicker like AIBU but are friends next week and there are two sides to every story.

Let's hope she's not mean again tomorrow! Maybe "Rose's" mum read the thread 😂

Watch Rose not even turn up now!

'Rose (have almost written her real name SOOO many times!) and my daughter apparently played together today & 'Rose wasn't naughty or mean to me or anyone else"

Let's hope that they don't fall out again before the party