....to not invite this girl to my daughter's party because she's a nightmare!!!

[smokinhotchilli]

This is so tricky! And all this is new to me so any advice would be great.
My daughter has been friends with a girl called Rose (made up name) for two years. They are both 4. There's a group of kids who have been close since nursery & they have all started school & are in the same class.
Have never been very close to Rose's mum but the girls occasionally meet up at weekends .... Or used to...
Since starting school, Rose has become a bit of a nightmare. According to my daughter, none of the group want to play with her, she hits, shouts, pushes, doesn't listen and is really naughty (all told to me by my daughter & the other kids) and they often tell the teacher .... I've seen Rose doing all of this before & after school.
My daughter is refusing to have her at her birthday party which is really soon & won't invite her. The mum texted to ask what's happening for my daughters birthday...
What would you do?
AIBU to ask the mum if everything is ok at home & mention Rose's behaviour in a gentle & considerate way? And then explain that my daughter doesn't want her at the party? Arghhhhh! Don't want to upset anyone.

*noW plentiful special school places?

As I said, a classroom setting is totally different to a noisy loud hall party, complete with disco, entertainer and copious sugar. Some kids just don't like it, does not mean they cannot cope in the classroom 😒 Some it takes a lot more factors, and has to be passed through a special schools panel, before a child is accepted into a specialist school, not to mention an EHCP, which is blooming hard to get now.

What I am saying is that if a child cannot cope with large groups then it’s likely they do not have a mild SEN. They are better suited in a specialist school.
If a child cannot cope in groups, it is likely they break down, are scared and need 1:1, and funding is no longer available for that. It is unfair for a child who cannot deal with large groups to be put in that situation daily.
This is my experience as we work closely with SEN schools. Maybe different accross the country but this is what I experienced!

Evelyn is right, a child's needs have to be extremely significant, before even an EHCP is given the go-ahead, even then, many will be rejected and a way forward meeting offered. An EHCP is what a child needs to get into a special school, so not liking hall parties is not going to cut it!

If all these special schools are now available (at least in your area someone), why are the children who don't like whole class parties sent to them because you can't cope with them, but the children with EBD are not also sent to special units? Why can you deal with violent and disruptive behaviour but not children who don't like noisy unstructured crowded settings?

My dd who is in a specialist school,vwas like that, could not cope with classroom or school, she has very significant needs. On the second attempt she was given a statement. My DS 5 (mild Dev delay, and speech delay), is fine at school, behaviour lovely, senco has said he would not get an EHCP at the minute. He lives school and is fine in the classroom. He does not like hall parties for himself, but loves his peers parties in hall.

Someone nobody said anything about breaking down, or needing 1:1. We were talking about children who prefer small groups to large ones in social situations.

😂😂😂 this is absolutely ridiculous. A post about ‘rose’ has turned into a post about SEN. Jus reread my previous posts. Can’t be bothered to repeat myself. In reception I do not agree with parties which exclude others. Full stop!

I just want to know the outcome of the play date

A 1:1 TA is significantly cheaper than a special school place.

How did it go in the park today @smokinhotchilli?

In our area a special school place, is around 20k, for a mainstream it is 4k. Yes what happened op?

Someone but you're trying to give your opinion authority by claiming expert status. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but if you want yours to have greater weight than others because you are a "practitioner" then what you say has to make sense!

maybe you could say to your daughter that it's okay to not invite her to the party on the proviso that you would like her to come for tea for an hour or so. That way you can suss out a bit of what's going on/you will be there to protect her. It's a bit akward when friendship groups change but it is a fact of life. And if the girl IS hitting etc, she will learn it's not the way to keep a friend.

Evelyn different budget that’s why!!!
I wish I could explain my situation more clearly but I don’t want to make it obvious as to who I am.
Like I said in RECEPTION I do not agree with leaving anyone out. We are in Oct, meaning most children would have met their peers for the first time less than two months ago. Older children, different story, like I’ve ssid before.
The schools in our area do not hand out invites unless it is for a whole class. There is clearly a reason as to why this is.

Evelyn there’s a reason I have used ‘practitioner’. Try and think why???

Francis your opinion. I prefer equality!! A 4yo doesn’t understand why they have been left out. Hopefully your 4yo will deal with it better!

Why? I'm inclined to think it's because you're a parent volunteer bigging your part up, but presumably you want us to guess that you are an ed psych or a senco. I hope not if your focus on children with emotional and behavioural difficulties blinds you so totally to considering any other children's needs and wishes and backgrounds and convinces you that you are omnipotent.

This little girl may be struggling with the transition into school and so people think it's a good idea to start excluding her from things? What does that teach your child about being understanding and showing kindness to others? I understand that the hitting etc is not great...I get that. I would explain to your daughter that the little girl might be finding school a bit different and is adjusting and that that little girl needs good friends around her. This is a good opportunity to teach your child about how to support others. Everyone ostracising this girl is just terrible.

😂😂😂 a parent volunteer. Honestly like I said I wish I could go into more detail. To be honest where I live is quite tough. High levels of behavioural difficulties, SEN, EAL but cannot fine too much away.
This post is about a 4yo bday party!
It’s everyone's choice what they want to do but all I’m saying is please think before you invite to a party in RECEPTION

Bloody hell. My DC hates big parties. Still does. Attends whole class parties still but I have to be within eyeshot. Absolutely nothing wrong with her. Developmentally ahead. Excelling in writing, reading and maths. But according to someone she'd be in a specialist school!

She has never had a full class party as it would be her idea of hell. And as her parents we have to respect that. We have never invited more than half the class - so the majority do not come

Hope the play date went well op