**Trigger Warning - sensitive subject Title edited by MNHQ** I am absolutely heartbroken and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable to end a friendship *Very sensitive subject*

[PhDPepper]

I had a molar pregnancy this year and it was fucking awful. I’ve seen a ‘friend’ today in the street and she completely blanked me. I messaged her when I got home and asked what was wrong.

And I got back a tirade of abuse about how I’d had an abortion and killed my baby and that if I never got pregnant again it would be karma.

I did have a D&C to remove the molar pregnancy but it wasn’t a baby, it was a complete molar pregnancy with no genetic tissue. It fucking broke me to have that operation but I’ve never considered it to be an abortion.

I have not replied as it’s totally flawed me, but I need to know im not being unreasonable to tell her to go fuck herself

Yes, had a MMC and tried to explain what I had to have done to a colleague and she kept saying I was having a termination. Does not compare to a molar pregnancy and the bare faced offensiveness of your ex friend!

I work in one of the few hospitals which specialise in treating molar pregnancies (but not in the specialist dept), I have learnt a lot from the links people have posted

I had never even heard of a molar pregnancy before so I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to have found out a little bit about it. Now, if I ever hear of a friend having one irl, I can offer support/sympathy etc in an appropriate way.

Has the ghastly bitch replied to you OP?

I perfectly understand why you are considering taking the thread down. However, if just getting MN to amend/hide the identifying is acceptable to you, then this thread is doing a really good job of spreading information about molar pregnancy.

I'd never heard of it before although, unlike you exF, I would have gathered information so I could knowledgeably supported you.

OP so sorry about the molar pregnancy and that your friend is such a count. You are well rid.

Glad your husband has your back and is equally outraged. Just wanted to add a word of warning though, as you said he might decide to post the texts on FB and tag her. I think that was probably just him being supportive and talking in theory and he would not actually do it, but please please don't let him as (no matter that he is 100% in the right and she deserves it) that is the sort of thing that the Solicitors' Regulation Authority and/or his firm could take a very dim view of and he might even end up fired or subject to disciplinary action. They have only recently issued new warnings about making sure that nothing said on social media could bring the profession into disrepute and consequences would be worse for him than for a non-lawyer.

Hope you have a lovely trip away.

I'm so shocked that someone could be so horrible to think that just because they've not heard of a molar pregnancy that you must have made it up. A 10 second google search would show you didn't. On top of that to not be begging your forgiveness and then to ask for money for her child just beggars belief to be honest. I think that @JessieMcJessie is right about being wary posting anything on Facebook. I also have very strict media regulations due to my job and it's not worth letting this waste of air cause any professional problems for your family. I would definitely consider putting up a post saying what actually happened and what you've been accused of without naming her or even mentioning her awful follow up message.

I'm glad you're going to leave the thread here as it's educated a lot of people about molar pregnancies. So many people know nothing about them as they've not that common and I've met plenty of midwives who didn't even know what they were. @Voodoocat - I'm glad that you thought my post was helpful in including pretty much all that this "friend" needs to be told. I really do think that molar pregnancies are one of the cruelest losses because you have the horrible mixed feelings of grieving but knowing that the baby you are grieving didn't exist and also having to deal with the fear of cancer. I think the lack of public knowledge of the condition makes it even harder to suffer so anything that raises awareness is positive in my book although obviously I wish you'd never had to go through this PHD

@Loulalollipop - I'm so sorry you had to go through such a hard time. Antenatal depression is often more severe than postnatal depression but very under recognised. To have to make a decision like that must have been so awful and then to have peoples judgements makes it even worse as women in your situation are often made to feel they're not allowed to grieve their loss as they made the decision to terminate. I hope that you're much better now.

@Unbornmortificado - I was actually left speechless at your post. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it was to make the decision to switch off your sons ventilator. I lost a daughter to stillbirth 7 years ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever been through to give birth to her and bury her. At least for me the decision was taken out of my hands because she'd already gone so I can only begin to imagine how hard it was for you. I also can't even begin to imagine how in your MILs eyes that was a termination. Does she even know what a termination is? That it's the ending of a pregnancy rather than a child actually dying. I'm so sorry that this awful woman made the worst time of your life even harder :-(.

@hazeyjane - I'm so sorry you've also had to go through such a horrific time. I'm glad that you're recovered now and have gone on to have healthy children. Happy anniversary for yesterday.

@Sassh - I really struggle to see how Roman Catholics could see it as an abortion. Even if you're the most pro life person who ever lived there has to be a baby there for it to count as a termination. You're not ending a life by having this D&C anymore than you would be by having a brain tumour removed :-/.

@sheerashed - I'm really sorry for what you had to put up with too. An ectopic getting to 11 weeks is hugely serious and like you say you're lucky you didn't die. Things like this happening have a massive psychological effect and the last thing you need is someone like your stepmother accusing you of terminating to not affect your job :-(

When I lost my daughter 7 years ago I had to tell my mums biological mum (mums adopted). Anyway I knew she disagrees with how many children I had so I didn't plan to tell her until I delivered as I don't really see her regularly anyway. I delivered my daughter the day before Mother's Day and from them until after the funeral was a massive haze for me. About a week after the funeral I got a call to ask if I had received the children's Easter eggs since she'd not received a thank you. I apologised and said that we had been dealing with quite a lot lately and explained how we had lost our baby girl. Her response was "oh you weren't pregnant again? Thank God you lost it". I just said that she wasn't an it - she was a perfectly formed beautiful little girl and that if she was going to say something so spiteful to me that we had nothing left to say to one antihero. My husband was beyond fuming and hasn't spoken to her or let her in our house since. I can't fathom what goes through some people's heads when they say certain things but from all the comments on this thread it seems that being tactless/spiteful is more widespread that I would have ever expected it to be when it comes to baby loss :-(

That should say one another not one antihero :-/. Not sure what happened there

I think mummyfmany81 has it in a nutshell:

You're not ending a life by having this D&C anymore than you would be by having a brain tumour removed

Op I'm from same area. I'm just hoping I'm not friends with same person! (Jokes. What are friends?) Anyways if I heard what she'd done and said as a third party of the group it would be goodbye to her from me also. The other mate is dickhead too.

So have you heard anything back from the other ‘friend’ having set her straight? What a coven!

Easy to find the information out, it takes 2 minutes. What a total bitch, and a stupid one too. Still, at least you know now what she is really like, and can avoid wasting any more time on her.

What an awful thing to happen, OP, all the best for the future.

@verbaIkint I appear to have appalling taste in friends! I’ve only made like 6 in 3 years.. now down to 4!

@JessieMcJessie he did t post the texts on Facebook. He didn’t want to take that risk. It’s more of a very redacted paraphrasing

She's a nasty piece of work, who you dd into need in your life, she is no friend. If that molar pregnancy was not removed it could become infected, leading you to sepsis and might kill you. Is that what she wants. So what if you had an abortion, it's none of her bloody business. She really is a nasty piece of work. I am sorry your going through this💐

What an awful woman. She obviously does not realise that a molar pregnancy does not involve a baby as it’s either abnormal cells which have formed or an abnormal foetus which cannot develop. She obviously hasn’t bothered to look up what it is. I came across a molar pregnancy as a student nurse and it is truly horrendous.
Your friend is obviously not a real friend and has shown her true colours. I’m sorry that it has happened to you.

As with PP.
WTAF has it got to go with her whether you've had an abortion?
Why would anyone think you've made it up when you can google it is less than a second?
Fuck off to the fat side of tuck (just wanted to actually say that instead is the acronym) with the cheque.
I am also crap at making friends and have lost my share over the "children issue". Hopefully it balances at some point.
for you OP

I’ve had a response to my ‘no fuck off you’re not getting a cheque’

‘Oh right, well I’d have thought you would have wanted to spend time with babies because you haven’t got any of your own yet. Anyway, I’ve started doing Juice Plus and I think that will stop you from having another molar thingy’

....

Juice plus? Juice plus stops you from having molar pregnancies...

I am speechless! Utterly speechless.

for you OP.

I would block her. You can't engage with stupid.

Oh right, well I’d have thought you would have wanted to spend time with babies because you haven’t got any of your own yet. Anyway, I’ve started doing Juice Plus and I think that will stop you from having another molar thingy’

Wow, she really is something isn't she? That 'something' being an ignorant, stupid, twat.

In the meanwhile whilst plotting her slow, painful death I'd report her to trading standards for making false health claims.

‘Oh right, well I’d have thought you would have wanted to spend time with babies because you haven’t got any of your own yet.

What the actual fuck, she is vile, I don't think I've ever seen anything as insensitive as that on here.

She's missing the empathy gene on top of missing a brain. I'm so sorry PhD

What a vile excuse for a human.

She has lost a much better friend than you have.

It’s actually beyond anything I ever anticipated from her. I laughed out loud when I read the juice plus bit. She’s something else but she’s blocked now. What an actual toaster.

*tosser not toaster

The words 'Fuck. You. Bitch'. need to be applied here. What an awful person