To not go to this birthday party? **title edited by MNHQ**

[Wheresmejumpa]

Name changed but been on MN a long time (penis beaker, naice ham, Maui etc etc).

My cousin emailed yesterday to say they are having a First birthday party for their DS on December 23rd. The venue is about an hour's drive each way. My cousin and I are not close, we tend to only see each other at big family occasions but get along well enough. Their DS actually turns one a couple of weeks earlier but apparently this was the only weekend they were free to have the party.

My heart sank when I saw the date to be honest. DH and I are both Teachers and we break up late this year so don't finish work until the 22nd, which obviously leaves two days to get organised for Christmas. DH and I are hosting both sets of parents this year plus his Grandparents so we will have a fair bit to do. I was really hoping to have a productive day on the 23rd so I can actually spend part of Christmas Eve relaxing with the DC this year.

I just spoke to my DM and mentioned that I was thinking we might not go and she made it very clear she thought I was being unreasonable. She thinks it will "look bad" if the whole family isn't there and that being busy in the run up to Christmas "isn't a good enough excuse". I told her that IMO if you organise an event two days before Christmas you probably expect that some people will decline as it's such a busy time.
DH is sat firmly on the fence and says it's up to me as it's my family.

So, MN jury, what do you think? WIBU to politely decline or is it likely to cause great offence?

If it was me I would Wait till the day before then phone and tell them you have come down with a very bad cold!! And that you don’t want to give it to them all in case it ruins there xmas!! Tell them u will be over with birthday and Christmas present for said child before new year!! Job done!! I know I will go to Hell!! But haho I would be ready for xmas

If really stuck for time, don't bother. As for stopping work on 22nd welcome to the other world. Most folk stop work on the Friday if Christmas on Sunday. Surely you will be in in the evenievenings to go shopping, do some preparation. Get real.

Cousin's child's birthday party an hour away? Sod that.

Maybe there’s something your mum hasn’t mentioned and this is also considered to be a pre-Christmas get together? If not skip and send nice present if you don’t fancy it. Also though it could be planned for ahead you have plenty of notice if you do want to go, all presents bought way in advance and food shopping order done. It could be a nice afternoon out?

You do realise that normal beings usually work up to 24th??

You do realise that it's only 2 days? The teacher bashing on here gets OTT sometimes.

I think your DM should take your children. You've got far to much to do. Buy a lovely prezzie, sent on the 'proper' day. Job done!

That would be a hard pass from me. If it were more of a Christmas party and closer by maybe, but I wouldn't be bothering.

I made the mistake of going to a friend's baby's christening on a Bank Holiday Sunday, therefore effing up the whole nice long weekend, and a truly glorious day of weather to sit in someone's back garden talking to aunts and friends etc who I'll never see again. We were the only friends daft enough to go, and I can hardly say that the experience of watching my friends lie about believing in Jesus was worth it.

• too

Your excuse is really poor

It's not an excuse, since nobody needs an excuse not to go to anything, particularly a cousins babies party! "I don't want to" is reason enough,

I never understand the fuss about 1st birthday parties. It’s not as if the child will even know who’s there! I suspect it’s for the parents more so I would not feel bad about not going. Time with you own, closer family surely takes precedence?

YANBU. Most definitely. I don't think you even need to explain why you're not going - it should be obvious to any one with any empathy. The child won't even remember the event!

I wouldn't go. My daughter's birthday is the 23rd, and she will be having her party on the 16th because it is a lot to expect of people that close to Christmas.

Since normal beings work up to the 24th, can we assume teachers are not normal and nor are SAHPs..?

uptheduffy and people that work on the 25th too?

Decline and don’t feel at all bad about it. They are not super close and you should put yourself (and a well earned break) first.

Our DD is turning 1 on the 23rd Dec this year and reading this thread makes me really sad for her as this is what it’s going to be like if we try to have a party. And probably in the future too.

I understand it as Christmas is a busy time but it’s sad all the same.

By the time she's old enough to notice she won't miss cousins, she will want nursery or school friends and they are usually closer to hand.

Or you do what we do what we do with our Christmassy birthdays and push them into a less busy time when school is back.

Don’t go, OP. Just send a lovely present and a nice card.

Tell your mother to mind her own business.

Oh, and the teacher-bashers on this thread can do one. I wouldn’t do your job for all the money in the world, OP. Hope you manage to enjoy your break at Xmas.

Meh it’s a first birthday party. The kid won’t remember it or have a clue what’s going on, it’s purely for the parents. I seriously wouldn’t bother and wouldn’t even feel guilty about it but maybe I’m a massive Cunt .

Pfff no I wouldn't even consider going!

Life of mum.
Put a few baubles up
Attend birthday party.
Have someone else host xmas.
Relax and fall asleep after the Queen
Wake up
Have a cup of tea
Go home
Watch Eastenders
Fall asleep again

Life of you.
Work right up to the last minute.
Attend numerous pre xmas school events
Keep control over over excited kids who are not learning in the final week and want to cel-e-brate from 1st December.
Shop for the hoards pressies and food
Decorate your house
Clean your house within an inch of it's life
Clean it again cos someone is bound to comment about that dust on the mantlepiece
Try and grab some downtime with your DC
Prep and cook a meal
Keep everyone happy and entertained
Ensure everyone has everything they need
Clear up debris
Collapse

Birthday party? What birthday party?

Good choice, I would have done the same.

OP just don't go - send a pretty present.

Clara with your Christmassy baby you may want to plan ahead and have their birthday parties while people are still around/not travelling to families/absolutely hectic. She then gets a party and her own birthday and then my gosh Christmas.

I am going to convert my username to Grinch. I do not see why children have 1st birthday parties or birthday parties at all until they can remember them and enjoy them. They're a pain in the neck, often more expensive than they need to be and an invention of the devil. People squabble over them, kids get upset, parents exhausted. And the tat that is party bags - when did this become a thing? - will occupy cubic acres of groundfill.

Oh FFS wiv the normal beings comment!!! Yes, hubby was a TA then teacher for like 15 years & yes (even though i have worked in public sector & education sector too - NOT a teacher) it used to boil my blood wiv the 13 weeks holiday a year. But you realise heratnumber7 that they can NEVER get a day off in term time (unless unpaid) & that when hubby started actually teaching in Sept 2014 he was working from roughly 7:30am in morning to midnight weekdays & all weekend doing paperwork for lesson planning (he did this for 23k one year, then 15k as was a year 3 supply teacher for particular school - would do those hours for that money & pay above the odds for holidays?) - she was saying they will be close to dropping by end 22nd Dec you berk!! Leaving barely any time to recover / take stock & sort Xmas (& now the idiot cousin plans birthday party 23rd Dec???

I totally empathise OP! My own family are toe-rags when it comes to this (recently putting pressure on me to agree to a holiday abroad in June 2018, even tho we don't have the money & hubby may end up going back to teaching, so not free & I'll have to catch plane wiv a 3 year old alone); they'll pay apparently. Not the point, be more understanding is the point! My parents retired over 6 yrs ago (relocated to bungalow in Devon 2011), 1 sister is a SAHM & does bit of marketing work for hubby's business, the other sister is foodie & works from home as a copy-editor & CEO of her own food consultancy business & blog whipuntilfluffy; they are clueless & always want us to work everything around them. Hubby's family - parents are also retired & BIL works as temp for Royal Mail - do opposite: always try to work round us - actually fabulous people & ironically they are retired teachers, so actually have a clue how hard the job is!!

Ok rant over.

All of that said OP, I would either explain & say u can't attend or go wiv hubby & tyke(s) for few hours; leaving yourselves the morning / eve on 23rd for shopping (if need be), prep/wrapping, 24th morning for mop-up prep & food based stuff (prep ahead pigs in blankets, etc.) & a lovely afternoon / early eve to go to the pub / chill in front of telly & get kid(s) to bed reasonable o'clock.

Ignore the total wazzocks telling you to go alone & leave hubby wiv jobs!!! Disaster darlhhhling!!! He will do NOTHING!!! (unless of course you count playing Xbox, Playstation, Wi, etc. as useful)

In fairness hubby was a chef, so he does the food if we stay at home Xmas (rare as I have lived in diff area from my family since 2000, now live away from both sets parents, so we always visit one set Xmas & one set New Year - 2 xmas days on our own: last Xmas (tyke was 1 year 8 months) & xmas 2015 (he was 8 months).

And my family CAN be lovely, both my sisters have 2 kids (1 has twins) & all these grandchildren are under 3 (mid sis oldest turns 3 in Nov), but there are times they just don't get the low wages, daft hours & "calling" style motivation of those who work in Education / Public Service.