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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she’ll have to pay if she wants her other son to come?

222 replies

MadameJosephine · 20/10/2017 18:53

Took invitations for DD’s birthday party into school this morning and the very first RSVP text has asked if they can bring a sibling. The cost of the party is £13 a head so my feeling is that if he wants to come she’ll have to pay for him.

Can any of you clever mumsnetters help me word a reply please? Bear in mind this mum is a TA at DDs school so I certainly don’t want to piss her off

OP posts:
MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:01

Why is everyone saying this is about cist? I read it as the DD didn't want people she didn't know attending. I think I'd reply something like "sorry, this is only for DD's classmates as she is shy round new people".

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:06

@MipMipMip why would you make up a lie that your child is shy? That's bizarre

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:08

@LexieLulu why would you not just drop your child and pick up or ask another parent to watch your child at the party or ask a Friend to have your child for a couple hours? Lots of options other than taking an extra child

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 21/10/2017 13:14

Another cf!! What did she say when you replied?!

MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:15

Cost, not cist. Sorry

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:15

I don't think she is a cf. She asked politely if she could bring sibling. A cf would just turn up with siblings. Nothing wrong with asking.

Seti · 21/10/2017 13:16

Your reply sounds ok to me x

MadMags · 21/10/2017 13:17

Not one person who insists it's a childcare issue has answered to say why they don't just decline.

I'd imagine they don't want their dc missing out, making the party less about the birthday child and more about them! That's Cheeky Fuckery in all its glory.

MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:18

But the DD has said she doesn't want siblings and that is how I read it, that she didn't want people she doesn't know. To me that is kinder to say shy than no strangers, which would be argued against as "this isn't a stranger, it's X's sibling"

Branleuse · 21/10/2017 13:23

Madmags, thats really meanspirited point of view. What on earth is wrong with politely asking if the sibling can come before deciding to just tell the invited child they cant go? Why would you not try and find a way of making it work first? Id assume if my child was invited to a birthday party that the bday child WANTED my child there and also that my child would want to be there. If I had no childcare then I would definitely ask first, and if it was still a no, then id either drop off (which has not always been suitable as my children have SEN) or ask if their sibling could come too

Branleuse · 21/10/2017 13:24

although whenever ive asked if other child could attend, ive always offered to pay at the time of asking

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:27

@MipMipMip no the op is happy for the sibling to come as long as the parent of the sibling pays the £13 cost. There is no issue with shyness or strangers so why pretend there is?

MadMags · 21/10/2017 13:28

Most people are too polite to say no, IMO. And I think people know that when they ask.

I would prefer not to put anyone in that position.

How is that mean-spirited?!

Whocansay · 21/10/2017 13:29

I would just say no, personally.

You don't know how old the child is. Could be an entirely unsuitable age, older or younger. Is this s drop and run party, or would the mum have to stay?

I had a CF leave a toddler and a young teen, as well as the invited child, at my 6 year old's party once. He literally dumped them and left. Didn't even ask. I wasn't prepared to look after the said toddler as had a party to run, so I called him to come back. He was annoyed with ME for spoiling his afternoon.

LexieLulu · 21/10/2017 13:34

@2014newme my son is 3 and daughter is 1. Not the age where I could drop my son off really? I don't think so anyway.
He's only had one party invite from a nursery friend so far and i asked host if I could bring DD. When I was settling her for a nap I went outside to not disturb etc.
My DH works shifts and we have little weekend help childcare wise.

I don't think it's always the person being cheeky, I think some people struggle and don't want children to miss out xx

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:35

@LexieLulu I think any host would think it fine to bring a baby. I would.

LexieLulu · 21/10/2017 13:37

@2014newme I hope so! I hope I wasn't CF 😂

I should search for threads around that date as my baby ended up eating loads from the party food 😳 haha!

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:38

A baby isn't going to cost £13 to join in or expect a party bag. You are safe from. Being a cf.

MadMags · 21/10/2017 13:38

I don't think it's always the person being cheeky, I think some people struggle and don't want children to miss out xx

There you go. Someone who does it so her child doesn't miss out!

MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:39

2014NewMe

At 7.13 yesterday the OP said: Tbh I don’t really want him to come and I don’t think DD does either so I probably need to find a way of saying so without seeming unreasonable or causing offence so it doesn't sound like the cost ius the main thing.

expatinscotland · 21/10/2017 13:40

She's a CF. Just use one of the 'no siblings, sorry' replies.

MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:40

7.23* oops!

2014newme · 21/10/2017 13:42

@MipMipMip so you just say no siblings. You don't make up a lie about your child being shy.

MipMipMip · 21/10/2017 13:46

2014NewMe OK, I got it wrong. The point remains that I this is not about money which everyone seems to jumping on.

KissesAX · 21/10/2017 13:48

Like OP said though they're only 6 weeks into school. She shouldn't send an intentionally short snippy reply like 'no siblings sorry' when she can send a politer version. I swear some people suggest these type of replies and don't actually think it's someone real who would be sending it and living with the effects of it.