Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she’ll have to pay if she wants her other son to come?

222 replies

MadameJosephine · 20/10/2017 18:53

Took invitations for DD’s birthday party into school this morning and the very first RSVP text has asked if they can bring a sibling. The cost of the party is £13 a head so my feeling is that if he wants to come she’ll have to pay for him.

Can any of you clever mumsnetters help me word a reply please? Bear in mind this mum is a TA at DDs school so I certainly don’t want to piss her off

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/10/2017 19:20

Even if she pays for her child (doubt she will want to) then you are essentially babysitting her child for her - that's not fair. Tell her if she wants to bring her son, stay, AND pay for him, then that's fine.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/10/2017 19:20

People really are that cheeky. I remember one Mum bringing her other son, she paid for his entrance but then brought him to the party room and sat him down at one of the place settings. One of the party guests then didn’t have anywhere to sit!! Had to have a quiet word with the party hostess person who brought another place setting but I think I had to pay extra for food!

I don’t mind telling adults to get fucked for their cheekiness, but how can you tell that to a smiling 4 year old?

Original poster
MadameJosephine · 20/10/2017 19:23

I’ll definitely be putting no siblings on the invitations next year. Tbh I don’t really want him to come and I don’t think DD does either so I probably need to find a way of saying so without seeming unreasonable or causing offence. We’re only 6 weeks into school, it’s a long time since I had a child at primary school and I’d forgotten what a minefield these things can be!

OP posts:
G1ggleloop · 20/10/2017 19:25

I sometimes have to take siblings along to parties as I have no childcare if my husband is at work. But I will only do it if I can pay for their entry and can keep them separate from the main party (e.g. At soft play I'll buy the siblings their food separately and we don't sit in the party room). At a party like the one you're having id see if I could get one of the other parents to take my child or I'd drop off and take the others somewhere else.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/10/2017 19:28

If you don't want the child to go, then just be firm and say that others have asked about siblings and you've had to refuse otherwise you'd have twice as many on your hands, so you're having to put your foot down and say no siblings at all.

Ebony69 · 20/10/2017 19:28

When my son had his 6th birthday party, I had a parent who actually also brought the younger brother along to the venue and asked me in the child's presence whether he could stay. I felt I had no option but to agree to it, as no doubt he would have burst into tears. (The mother didn't stay, by the way - she buggered off somewhere). So at least you have the opportunity to decline.

Having said that, I've since realised that there are certain cultures for whom it is the norm to welcome siblings who turn up unannounced at these events and that as such, for them it's no big deal to make the request.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/10/2017 19:29

Very cheeky, just say sorry no siblings. We always noted invites to say no siblings and a rsvp by date to make things clear and simple.

RupertsMum2 · 20/10/2017 19:34

"I'm sorry, that won't work for me."

RebootYourEngine · 20/10/2017 19:40

I would just reply and say sorry but there is no room for siblings.

GlitterGlue · 20/10/2017 19:42

It's cheeky and grabby. Just reply that siblings can't be accommodated at the party, but the play area is open at a cost of £x.

Don't say he can join in if someone doesn't turn up - give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

Haudyerwheesht · 20/10/2017 19:43

'Sorry we've decided no siblings because it could get to silly numbers really quickly but you're more than welcome to just drop off and collect at the end. Thanks>

mummytwoh · 20/10/2017 19:44

If it's just down to finance I would say, x is welcome to come however I've had quite a lot of parents ask and as I am paying per head I simply can not stretch to add siblings on - if you are happy to pay for him then of course he's welcome to come.

If it's not just a finance thing just say "really sorry I am not able to include siblings this time" I wouldn't even explain it.

I've had to bring my youngest along to parties my 5 year old has been invited to but would never expect her to be a part of the celebration. I usually bring her a packed lunch with some treats and entertain her myself. Either that or would say X would love to come but I will have Y with me that day if there is space is it ok if I bring them and cover the costs. Would never just assume so rude

VioletCharlotte · 20/10/2017 19:45

Just say "Really sorry, but if I say yes to one sibling, I'll need to say yes to all, so the numbers could end up unmanageable. Hope you understand.'

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 20/10/2017 19:47

So glad X is able to come. I'm sorry to say I have already paid for the party based on the number of children invited - but if anyone cancels at the last minute, X's sibling would be very welcome to take their place

This as it's polite and friendly and opens the door for her to pay if she wants

Freddiewinifred10 · 20/10/2017 19:49

With that kind if parry, i wouldn't give her the option of paying extra. Just say your really sorry, but there are limited numbers and it is only for the children in your dds class. You could add something along the lines that you hope the other child will still be able to make it.
I still can't believe it when people ask things like this. It is so self centred of them.

MistyMinge · 20/10/2017 19:50

I think it all depends on the age of the sibling. DC1 is in reception class and dc2 is 2. DC1 isn't old enough to do a drop and run, and if DH isn't around to have DC2 I have to take them. I'm not trying to be cheeky or entitled, it's circumstances. I suppose I could decline the invite. I always ask, make it clear I'll pay the cost if at soft play place and take snacks for DC2.

How old is your DD? Do you know how old the sibling is?

Just say yes but they will have to cover the cost.

I'm worried now that parents have felt like I've been a CF.

There's a lot of conclusion jumping going on on this thread.

HolyShet · 20/10/2017 19:51

It's not "cheeky or grabby"
A reception age kid could well need their parent at a big party in a soft play place; its more likely to be a childcare issue than just trying to geg in.
I'd say yes but your budget won't stretch to cover all siblings who might need to come so they will need to cover their entry

Freddiewinifred10 · 20/10/2017 19:59

The thing is that if everyone did the same, and brought other siblings due the logistics, it would be impossible. There would be 60+ children. If i have had no choice, i would quietly take my child to the venue and entertain/feed them/take them for a walk. I think this is what 90% of people would do. It is always the same families who ask these things in my experience. Children should be able to understand that their sibling, but not them, is attending a party.

Leeds2 · 20/10/2017 20:00

I think it is fine to say that they will have to cover the child's entry fee (£13 may put them off, so make sure you say that is what it is), but also make clear that the extra can, or can't, participate in the birthday tea and won't be getting a party bag unless someone drops out.

MistyMinge · 20/10/2017 20:01

Sorry, missed your reply where you refer to ages. I suspect it's a childcare issue then.

No one knows that the parent is expecting a freebie or that they they'll drop off and go. I still stay with reception age DC1. Also half the time it's not worth me trying to go home and back, and I often enjoy a catch up with other parents. They will probably be more than happy to cover the cost, and likely neglected to even think about it. I find the reaction that they're a cheeky Fucker or grabby an over reaction.

Funnyface1 · 20/10/2017 20:01

I've always said siblings welcome but they've never been parties where it's pay per head and I always do extra food and party bags because there are ALWAYS siblings.

If it was pay per head I would say they were welcome to come but would have to cover the cost of the sibling because you can only budget for your child's class.

underneaththeash · 20/10/2017 20:02

Just say its pay per child and limited numbers, but you're welcome to drop off and me and my husband will supervise.

SeekingTheLight · 20/10/2017 20:04

This must be a cultural issue. I have my own 4 year olds party tomorrow and have had to factor in siblings to overall cost. I cringe at the thought of texting that a guest would have to pay for a sibling.

HolyShet · 20/10/2017 20:05

IME most places that can accommodate whole class parties can accommodate A.N.Other kid x 10 or so.

Once you get to 30 kids you might as well be more the merrier so long as it doesn't cost you extra, it won't spoil it for your DD, she probably won't notice.

If you say no, the guest you've invited may not be able to come.

HolyShet · 20/10/2017 20:07

FWIW I've always said yes bring them. But at that age we usually had parties at home.