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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she’ll have to pay if she wants her other son to come?

222 replies

MadameJosephine · 20/10/2017 18:53

Took invitations for DD’s birthday party into school this morning and the very first RSVP text has asked if they can bring a sibling. The cost of the party is £13 a head so my feeling is that if he wants to come she’ll have to pay for him.

Can any of you clever mumsnetters help me word a reply please? Bear in mind this mum is a TA at DDs school so I certainly don’t want to piss her off

OP posts:
starray · 21/10/2017 02:01

It's not just a matter of cost. Certain venues have space limitations. The party room might only cater for a certain number.

enceladus · 21/10/2017 02:08

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered

How is it annoying 'leaving aside the additional cost'? The thread is about the cost. Surely you have seen parents turn up with siblings because they have no-one to mind them. The OP is annoyed by the cost. Like many threads, just say no then? There is no drama or big deal here, either let the child come or say no? The person has asked, she is not just turning up with an extra child, she asked and all the OP has to do is say no or 'I am so sorry I have already paid for X amount of kids, if he wants to come can you pay the 13 pounds and he is more than welcome'. Baffled by the weight placed on saying no or just letting it go.

kali110 · 21/10/2017 02:15

Yanbu, why should the op have to include a sibling?
This child wasn't invited and doesn't play with her child.
£13 may not be a lot to some on here, but some people don't have it!
She certainly shouldn't have to spend extra money just to include a random sibling.

enceladus · 21/10/2017 02:37

'Yanbu, why should the op have to include a sibling?
This child wasn't invited and doesn't play with her child.
£13 may not be a lot to some on here, but some people don't have it!

ah jesus this is the problem with these threads. The person asked the OP can the sibling come too. If she doesn't have the 13 pounds all she has to do is reply that she has prepaid, the child can come, eat cake etc, but they will have to pay for entry. It's not a cheeky fucker thread, it's a thread about nothing at all, just answer the mother's question. Yes or no and if no here is what you can do for the child to be included...

JWrecks · 21/10/2017 04:14

OP your reply is perfect!

On a semi-related note, is it only me who has noticed that it's always the uninvited siblings who are the most disruptive? I always noticed, a million years ago when DC were little anyway, that when a parent dropped and ran leaving an uninvited sibling, it was always that sibling who either got cracked out on sugar and ran around screaming and tearing down the place, or the one who climbed up my skirt gluing themselves to me or another adult and needed or had questions about every single thing.

I suppose when I think about it, it does make sense. They would be basically "alone" in a sea of children their sibling knows but they don't who are not exactly their age, so they would either be out of their comfort zone and over-do it, or get shy and awkward and cling to an adult.

I always felt bad for the odd ones out, even when they were driving me batty and making me want to tear my hair out. No kid wants to be stuck at a party for other children they don't really know. That isn't helpful when you're tripping over the one screaming kid who's sticking lollies into the girls' hair, but it did make me feel for them.

Textpectation · 21/10/2017 04:46

Your reply is fine. She is bu.

Keepingup I'd do exactly the same in your situation, it's considerate to ask in advance about bringing extra siblings, offering to pay at the same time should be standard as is giving the host an option to decline.

Textpectation · 21/10/2017 04:47

Roll on drop offs or even better no parties.

HappenedForAReisling · 21/10/2017 06:30

*"I'm sorry, that won't work for me."

I don't for one second believe anyone would actually say that in response, however brass necked you are.*

Just someone trotting out the overused MN line, Something

expat38matt · 21/10/2017 06:39

So many parties these days are “pay per head” so if one child is invited by her friend no way do I expect their sibling to attend - it isn’t their friend and they’re not invited ! The one and only time I was stuck with having to bring an uninvited sibling to a party as DH was away - I told the host mother in advance that I had to bring her but didn’t expect her to be included and that her and I would hang out while younger DC enjoyed the party. Lovely host Mum included my uninvited child fully tho I didn’t expect or assume she would and was v apologetic about her being their at all
If someone was in the same position I like to think I would accommodate so my child’s friend can come - but parents assuming it is a free for all is totally not on

Areyoufree · 21/10/2017 06:44

You're overthinking this. Sometimes siblings are welcome at parties, sometimes they are not. She's just asking what the case is here. Just say no - it's not a big deal.

HashtagTired · 21/10/2017 06:58

“Great! Thanks for coming back to me, xxxx will be delighted that xxx can go! As for xxxxx, I am of course happy for him/her to come along and join in, but I’m afraid I’ve only budgeted for the original party invites. If he/she would like to come along, I’d be really grateful if you could cover the cost (£13). Let me know what you would like to do so I can let the venue know numbers. Thanks x”

A party I had, the venue only charged me for those that had a party bag/ate at the table. Younger siblings came along to take part in the games but weren’t charged because they were little. Might be worth checking the rules with the venue.

LexieLulu · 21/10/2017 08:43

I know people are saying it's cheeky, but if my son is invited to a party I have to take daughter with me as I have no childcare.

Luckily it's only happened once so far and parent was ok.

Some people don't mean to be cheeky

MadMags · 21/10/2017 08:48

But you don't have to. You can decline the invitation. Confused

Lovemusic33 · 21/10/2017 08:49

It's hard as not many people want to leave a reception age child at a party alone and if they have another child and no child care what are they supposed to do? She should have offered to pay though, maybe she didn't realise that you are paying per head? As some venues you just pay for the venue and do your own food.

Just message her and say that the child's welcome to come if she pays the £13 as you are paying per head.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 21/10/2017 08:53

Surely you would just decline an invite if no childcare for siblings and the invited child didn't want to be left? Of course there's a choice.

We have had several parties that were private so no paying public could join, therefore you wouldn't have been able to gatecrash with an extra child as they were ticked off upon entry.

Unfair on the birthday chid to have uninvited guests, unfair to the host to put them on the spot and bad manners. You wouldn't reply to a wedding invite saying yes and I'm bringing x extra guests.

Original poster
MadameJosephine · 21/10/2017 09:01

Thank you all so much for your replies. I do think I’m probably overthinking it a bit but I’ve seen so many CF threads on here lately my perception is probably a bit warped lol

I’m going to send the reply this morning, fingers crossed 🤞

OP posts:
DaemonPantalaemon · 21/10/2017 09:01

It's hard as not many people want to leave a reception age child at a party alone

Are parties usually as long as the school day? Or do parents also stick around their reception age children when they are in school?

chloesmumtoo · 21/10/2017 09:10

I think I would just reply and say 'Sorry I have already said no to friends children's siblings because of numbers so can't go back on that apologies'

Therealslimshady1 · 21/10/2017 09:17

It is all about making your problem someone else's problem, CF indeed!

There are lots of solutions:
-lift share: ask someone else to take your child along with theirs, and offer to do pick up. You stay at home with the sibling
-pay your own entree fee for the sibling
-ask a neighbour/friend/family member to have sibling for a bit

  • drop the child off at the party, take the sibling for a walk/ice cream/park then pick child up from party

Do people no longer have the ability to THINK?

FlakeBook · 21/10/2017 09:53

We had a party recently where people brought OLDER siblings who were old enough to be left alone AND the parents left.

Now that's a CF.

NutElla5x · 21/10/2017 10:04

I can't believe the cheek of some people! I know it's easier said than done, but I'd be tempted to just respond 'no,I'm afraid that wouldn't be alright' and leave it at that.She shouldn't have put you in the position of having to explain yourself,the cheeky mare.

Branleuse · 21/10/2017 10:48

I think for me its usually fine if people bring siblings. Not everyone can get childcare. I would say that youre only able to pay for the set number, but if you need to bring any siblings, then as long as they pay the entrance fee and stay to supervise them, then theres no problem them actually being there.

Tbh its quite a normal request, and not particularly cheeky, as long as theyre not expeting the host to pay for the siblings, which in my years of parenting, is not something most people expect when theyre asking this.

Parker231 · 21/10/2017 11:50

I have b/g twins. When they were small most of the party invitations were for both of them as they shared many friends. As they got older they were invited separately which was better as they had their own friends and who wants their siblings tagging along to a party you have been invited to by your friend.

For parties with entrance costs I always included ‘sorry no siblings due to cost and space’ - wasn’t a problem and common approach amongst my friends.

CamperVamp · 21/10/2017 12:37

I wouldn't expect parents to stay at a Reception aged party.

Unless you have asked them to be there, or a child has SEN.

2014newme · 21/10/2017 12:42

Next year please do avoid this by putting 'sorry, can't accommodate siblings' on the invitation.
At least this parent asked you and did not just turn up.