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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 37 isn't 'young'?

149 replies

Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 17:47

Have been having counselling - was trying to talk and explain my fears.

The counsellor kept saying 'but you are so young.'

AIBU to think 37 really isn't young?

OP posts:
SeveredPixieBits · 16/10/2017 18:58

I'm 35 and I feel as old as the hills. The thought of retraining for a new career at this age is baffling and scary.

dimples76 · 16/10/2017 18:58

I can understand why you feel that time is 'running out' for you to accomplish certain things but as others have said in terms of finding a rewarding career or a soulmate that can happen at any age.

I adopted my little boy (as a singleton) aged 38 and that has been the best decision I ever made. Prior to that despite having a successful professional career and owning my own house I did feel that life was passing me by.

I have to say though despite being a working single mum with a disabled child I still don't feel like a proper grown up!

itsgoodtobehome · 16/10/2017 19:00

I’m 47 and still think of myself as young. I’m probably deluded though, but it keeps me happy!!

TheFirstMrsDV · 16/10/2017 19:00

If your concerns are around family then 37 isn't 'young' but you are still young.

I had two DCs in my 40s if that is any small comfort to you?

I am 50 and 37 seems like a lifetime away. So many things have happened since then.
I learned to drive, adopted a child, nursed and lost my darling daughter, had two birth children and started a new career.

FiveShelties · 16/10/2017 19:00

I think it depends on your attitude and your own age - I am 61, feel 30 and think old is over 80. My Mum is a very young looking 87, and thinks 95 is old.

I was unable to have children and am always stunned when someone my age speaks about their grandchildren! Perhaps if I had children and grandchildren I would feel older?

PolkaDottyRose · 16/10/2017 19:00

Dimples, I don't feel like a grown up either. I feel like I am pretending to be an adult and someone will find me out!

MrsKoala · 16/10/2017 19:02

But middle aged doesn't literally mean half of the age expectancy of your generation. Middle aged has always meant to me and all i know who have used it as 50 +. If i was describing some one as middle aged i'd say 45-65. My Dad is 72 and i think he is just getting from middle aged to old age. I'd say old age is 70-90. Young is 25-45.

Also depends on your stage of life. I've just had my babies so i feel young. I know people my age with 20 year olds and they seem way older than me. I went to a toddler group and everyone assumed i was about 30ish as i had a baby and a 2 year old and a 4 year old.

When i had ds1 i was 35 and that didn't feel old at all. It certaily wasn't old compared to all the other mums. My friend just had a baby and she's 44.

Choccywoccyhooha · 16/10/2017 19:05

Blimey,yes 37 is young!

Mrsmadevans · 16/10/2017 19:06

37 is getting on yes I agree with you OP

brasty · 16/10/2017 19:06

I think middle aged is half the average life expectancy for your sex/date of birth.
And in terms of attitudes, some people act middle aged at 20, and some still act very young at 80.

mrsRosaPimento · 16/10/2017 19:09

Now I feel old...Grin
Yes 37 is young. Compared to an 8 year old, it's old, but compared to expected life expectancy, its young.

BuzzKillington · 16/10/2017 19:12

I think it depends on where you are in your life.

At 37, I had 2 small children and was a SAHM. I felt old and tired.

I am ten years older now and back working and getting on with my career. One is at uni and the other's 15.

Dh and I feel we have got our lives back to a degree - we have time for each other and really busy social lives again. Our friends are all in the same boat.

I think we probably feel younger than we did 10 years ago and thanks to a bit of good botox - I look younger too!

LovelyPrep · 16/10/2017 19:15

I don't think it's young, particularly if you're still wanting to start a family or something like that. I'm not sure I would want to be starting a family or career at 37 but everyone is different and does things at different times. It's not "old" though. My parents are 60 and that feels old to me. It's all relative.

PoeDameronLovesFinn · 16/10/2017 19:18

I feel like I am pretending to be an adult and someone will find me out!

I'm exactly the same! I feel like I'm playing at how a grownup would act.

I'm 38 and feel old. I've reached the stage where hangovers are not worth the night out any more...

MrsKoala · 16/10/2017 19:18

Google middle aged and you get this;

middle-aged
mɪdəlˈeɪdʒd/Submit
adjective
(of a person) aged about 45 to 65.
"the crowd was predominantly middle-aged"
characteristic or typical of middle-aged people.
"a novel about middle-aged angst"

brasty · 16/10/2017 19:18

These days, many people have to start a second career when they get older. It seems fairly common amongst people I know.

Ragwort · 16/10/2017 19:18

As others have said, it is totally relative. I am 59 and I don't feel 'old' - I didn't have a child until I was 43, I've recently started a new career.

If you are feeling 'old and past it' (whatever you mean by 'past it') then I guess it doesn't matter if you are 27,37 or 47.

I wouldn't worry about a number, just get on with enjoying your life and making the most of what you have.

ijustwannadance · 16/10/2017 19:18

The counsellor saying you are still young isn't really helpful.
In terms of fertility you are older. For career and relationships, you have plenty of time.

As others have suggested, if its a child you want, there are ways of doing that alone.
You could get a fertility checkup to give you a better idea were you are at time wise.

If you want to meet someone then you need to find a way out of your current frame of mind and negativity.

I'm 40 soon. Sometimes I feel old, sometimes young. I remember my nan being 40 and she looked old. I think it was because she dressed in calf length pleated skirts and old lady shoes compared to my short skirts and doc martens!

I'm also pregnant but know people my age who are grandparents and are now free to do as they please and work on their own lives and careers as their children are adults. I did it the other way round and gave up my career that I no longer found fulfilling and just found a job I enjoyed.

These days there is no normal.

brasty · 16/10/2017 19:19

Oh God I am mid 50s and still go out about 3 nights a week. Being older does not mean you can't do ordinary stuff.

millifiori · 16/10/2017 19:20

37 is young in the sense that there's plenty of time to retrain for a career or find love, and some (not loads, but maybe five-eight years) to have kids. In other words, there's no need to be fatalistic about any aspect of life being over or you being past it at that age. I didn't have DC until I was 39 and wasn't the oldest mum at the school gates.

KarmaNoMore · 16/10/2017 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nameusername · 16/10/2017 19:21

I'm still young at heart to the extent that I got my own age wrong at the clinic when they ask my age. Lol.

neveradullmoment99 · 16/10/2017 19:21

I am 49, have three youngish children and older ones and am going to be a gran in 5 months!!!

juneau · 16/10/2017 19:21

Fears of not having children, a career, or a family.

If these are your anxieties, then no, YANBU. 37 isn't old in terms of the whole span of your life, but if you want DC, then it's not particularly young and while that door is still open it's not like you have years in which to stargaze. Your counsellor sounds like s/he's missing the point and possibly being a bit patronising.

fullofhope03 · 16/10/2017 19:22

Yep. It is.