To think 37 isn't 'young'?

[Oakshollie]

Have been having counselling - was trying to talk and explain my fears.

The counsellor kept saying 'but you are so young.'

AIBU to think 37 really isn't young?

To me, 30's are a nice age. Not especially "young" no, but certainly young enough.

I am 42 now and although, realistically, I am middle aged (as in half way through an average life span) I still feel relatively young. This may be due in part to working with dementia sufferers though who are, mostly, over the age of 80. Maybe I'd feel differently if I spent each day surrounded by young 20 somethings .

Guys, she wants to have a family - that's why she feels that 37 isn't that young!

That's it june!

You are today older than you were yesterday, but younger than you will be tomorrow.

You seem to have 'successful' very strongly linked with 'family/children'.
Are you exploring with your counsellor why that is?

You are a valid, valuable person whether you are married or have kids or not - just sayin', for the record

Also, I had 4 children between the ages of 37 and 44 - but am now separating from their father. Hey ho.
I am still awesome and Really Good At Life

Write a daily list of 3 things you are good at or that you like about yourself/your life. And read them back when you are feeling low about yourself

37 is "old" in the having a child (possibly just first) stakes, in my book.

In the grand scheme of life it isn't old.

I had my first (and only) child at 37 and, for me, it was too old. Did you know that (wracks brain) women over the age of 35 (might be 36,37...anyway) are 15% more likely to suffer tearing during vaginal childbirth? And thereby increase the risk of prolapsing? Mostly to do with the muscles/skin lacking the elasticity of younger ones. I bloody wish I'd known. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Had a 4th degree tear and have multiple prolapses and injuries. As a result, I have recently had anal sphincter repair which, let me tell you, is FUCKING painful.

And on THAT note, can I ask anyone reading to head to Site Stuff? I have started a thread asking for support to highlight prolapse issues on MN and would really appreciate members posting support on the thread, if they feel it's a worthy cause etc.

Sorry to hijack the thread a tad, just that it's a bloody sore hot topic for me at the moment and this thread was kinda apt ish

What I was trying to say was I felt like it was all over for me. Like life had passed me by and then I realised but it was too late.

Depends. The town where I grew up, people have kids in the 16-22 age bracket, so 30s is "old" to them

In the place I live near now (totally different socio-economically) women aren't having babies til mid 30 or late 30s. My BIL is almost 50 and still fathering children.

So even in terms of starting a family, I don't think it's old.

But I feel this anxiety in terms of career and future..I was so busy doing the baby/marriage thing in late teens and 20s, I feel it's "too late" to pursue career dreams at 30.

What I was trying to say was I felt like it was all over for me. Like life had passed me by and then I realised but it was too late.

Yes, that is what you are feeling (and no doubt thinking) but it's not factual, is it?
Challenge that kind of unhelpful thinking every time you catch yourself doing it.

I’m 37 and I’ve got a 9 month old son. I don’t feel old.

OP - I feel for you.37 is not to late to meet someone/start a family as that seems to be your concern. Lots of women have healthy children naturally in their early forties; some don't in their twenties. Please stop comparing yourself against others' successes. Incidentially, please tell your counsellor what you have said here and what your concerns are.

That's why I had some counselling perfectly but it's not helping, I dunno. It feels like fact. Like if you challenged yourself every time you thought of Australia and tried to tell yourself it didn't exist - but you'd know on some level it existed.

That's how this feels.

I'm 44 and still think I'm young

I’m about to turn 40 and I still feel young!

I don't think it's 'so young' but then, in MN land, people who die in their 70s were 'young'.

I am 37. No it isn’t “young” but it’s all relative and I still get clumped together with early and mid twenties Friends by older people in relation to my hobby. I don’t feel old. I just have more wrinkles, half a dozen grey hairs and am less tolerant than I used to be.

Sorry, should have posted the link to the Site Stuff thread! Here it is-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/3059452-MN-Can-we-please-support-highlight-this

Many thanks in advance

But whilst you are in that slump of thinking life passed you by and now you're told old you aren't doing anything about it and will just waste more time.

I realise that but am struggling to get out of that mindset

I’m 37 and still feel and act 20! Live with DP but no kids and we still jump on the bed

OP - there are some things that are 'facts' ie. you are 37, women tend to decline in fertility nearing 40 etc.

It is a fact that you wish you were doing something different with your life. It's your FEELING that you are 'past' it etc.

You are confusing fact with feeling about those things - you could feel in many different ways about the facts.

A good counsellor would help you see why you made the decisions you did so you can move forward.

37 is actually young in terms of career changes - I am 40 and have many many plans for new jobs/ career changes to make. My dad changed career at 50 and is very succesful now at 73!

I think it's much much more useful for you to focus on what changes you would like to make rather than beat yourself up for being where you are in life.

My children are just starting school so I feel my life has been on hold career wise - I plan on making so many changes in my 40s - I imagine in my 50s I will be super dynamic! beginning new things all the time!

Life is what we make it. Start here, where you are, not where you wish you could be. Accept the sadness of things not working out and look at what you can change.

Depends entirely on the person.

Some 37 year olds are already very middle aged, with their lives revolving entirely around work, TV & domesticity.

Others are still very much free & single, out clubbing every weekend. On the piss and on the pull.

Each to her or his own.

I really think the most important thing for anyone to realise is that we are all as young as we will ever be. Life is for the grabbing. It’s never too late to take hold and try something new, as long as you have your health (I have chronic health problems and it’s very limiting). My mum is 70 and has the social life and activity level of someone in their 30s, it’s like she’s having a second wind!

37 is young
It's a fabulous age
Old enough for life experience, young enough to do anything

Some more facts:

• nobody knows what their fertility is like until they try to use it, whether they are 25 or 45.

• female fertility does NOT 'fall off a cliff'; it very gradually declines. So, yes, your fertility may be less now than it was 10 years ago, but how much fertility do you need?? You just need it to work once/twice or whatever

• nobody knows what's around the corner whether they are 25 or 45. The difference is that only very few 25 year olds will think they're 'past it' whereas many 45 year old will thereby effectively not being open to new experiences/relationships/good stuff happening to them.

• yes, 37 is too old to embark on a career as an Olympic gymnast but retraining? restarting your career? chucking it all and travelling around the world? ALL of those are possible.

You need to change your perspective on things - you know, glass half full/half empty kind of thing. A good counsellor should be able to help you with that, but it is only you who has the power to challenge your thinking.