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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 37 isn't 'young'?

149 replies

Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 17:47

Have been having counselling - was trying to talk and explain my fears.

The counsellor kept saying 'but you are so young.'

AIBU to think 37 really isn't young?

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 16/10/2017 18:07

It's old in terms of having your first child, especially if you aren't ready to start trying immediately. I know what you mean.

It's not old if you're married with 2 kids whilst being at a good stage in your career and owning a house, because you've done all that stuff already so you probably feel relatively young for the stage you are at. If (like me) you've somehow failed to manage most of these things yet, it feels like I'm running out of time!

Original poster
Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 18:07

Yes, I know that travelling and getting wasted is how you're supposed to spend your 20s, but I didn't, and then you're supposed to meet someone in your 30s, and I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 18:07

Thanks care that is what I mean.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 16/10/2017 18:09

Um, not that young I guess. I mean that by 37 you should have had enough time to figure a few things out about life.

starzig · 16/10/2017 18:10

I am a young 40. I know 18 year olds who are more grown up than me, so depends on your ideas and lifestyle really

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2017 18:10

It is young op, in the grand scheme of things, especially when you have people living into their 80's and 90's.

Original poster
Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 18:12

Yes ... but even if I live until I'm 80, I'm nearly halfway there!

OP posts:
Muddlingalongalone · 16/10/2017 18:15

I'm 38 - I feel more at home with a group of friends who are 25-32 than the mid 40's + group who always seem like proper grown ups (I have 2 kids and a professional career/ft job so "should" fit better in latter group)
You're as old as you feel

BlueSapp · 16/10/2017 18:16

Oh what tripe, at 30 I started my career and I have toddlers I’m 39 so yes I’m young thanks very much

JennyOnAPlate · 16/10/2017 18:16

I agree that you’re as old as you feel. I’m 37 too but I’m still waiting to feel like a grown up.

ludothedog · 16/10/2017 18:17

I understand you OP. Life can be cruel. Whilst in many ways 37 is still very young, in terms of your fertility it's not young. If your counsellor is not understanding that and not help you work through things then perhaps you need to find another counsellor who is able to help you.

You are right also that not everyone will meet that special someone to marry and have children with. Whilst it may still happen for you there is also the chance that it won't. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to come to terms with the fact that it might not happen for you.

However, if you cannot come to terms with not having children then you are on the clock to do something about it. I'm sure that you are aware of what those options are.

I'm sorry you have found the wrong person to help you. Have you tried the fertility boards?

ZenNudist · 16/10/2017 18:17

I am nearly 39 and i feel not young but not old and not middle aged (but maybe more in the middle than anything else).

I still feel relatively young but like i have some maturity in a good way. I dont look old. I act very similarly to how i did at 25. Im a bit less clueless now.

I think age is what you make of it. You can feel youthful at 60 or 70. Or so it seems from my parents generation.

As for what is personally bothering you that you think 37 is 'past it' to acheive success in life in terms of partner/family/job i think yiu need to frame things more positively. I think you can expect to have several phases of life ahead of you if you approach thinvs positively and put yourself in situations where you can grow and change (so that might be dating or persuing your interests, even taking up new interests). See where life takes you and dont wrire yourself off. I firmly believe people can change their lives whatever their ages.

Katedotness1963 · 16/10/2017 18:19

I didn't have my first child till I was 36. Had the second at 38. My husband was in the military, we didn't have to buy large appliances and pay our own rent until he retired at 40. Someone I went to school with gave up work and became her own boss at 48 and has gone from strength to strength. I bought a pair of floral DM for my 50th birthday, I probably look like a sad, old cow but I love them! I'm 54 and my kids are still teenagers.

37 is not old!!

mishfish · 16/10/2017 18:19

I think it is young to be honest.

My parents had me really really young so to my brother and I 30 seemed ancient but now that I'm in my very late 20s I realise that 37 is actually super young.

I'm quite looking forward to my 30s Smile

StormTreader · 16/10/2017 18:20

"Yes, I know that travelling and getting wasted is how you're supposed to spend your 20s, but I didn't, and then you're supposed to meet someone in your 30s, and I didn't."

massive hugs, I really empathise with you.

I thought I'd missed out on all that, then met someone who was still clubbing all night so finally got a shot at it, then got dumped and have lost it all again. I think late 30s is the hardest time to be female because for guys it really is still all to play for with no time constraints on a family, whereas women are all being told "you need to do it NOWNOWNOW".

Its a hard place to be, it really is.

neveradullmoment99 · 16/10/2017 18:21

37 isnt young - no. Its not that old either. It depends from what perspective you are looking at it. If you are a teenager, 37 is old. If you are looking at it from a 60 year olds perspective, its relatively young. I am 49. I am 50 in a few weeks. I feel that is old!!!
Realistically, you can still have much of what you want. You can still have a relationship, kids. I had my last in my early forties. However, You need to look at what you have got and not what you haven't for now. If you meet someone then thats great. If its too late for you to have a family then you will deal with it. Its not too late to have a career but that is in your own hands.

LewisThere · 16/10/2017 18:21

It's all relative isn't it?
35yo is old compare to a 20 yo. Wher you are in life is very different.

But then, it's still young and you still have plenty of time to do a LOT of things.
At that age (yep I'm an oldie of nearly 50yo!) I retrained and started a new career in a completely unrelated field, started my own business etc...
I'm contemplating divorce and don't see that as the end of the world but the beginning of something else. I would still have another good 30 years of life in front of me and plenty of projects to put into fruition.

So what was been talked about when she said that?

Fffion · 16/10/2017 18:21

37 is young. You are mature but haven't started to age, e.g. memory loss or creaky knees.

brasty · 16/10/2017 18:22

Yes getting old in terms of having kids when you do not have a partner, but not impossible to happen.

Partner and a career can still happen. You are not too old to achieve that. I know people who have changed careers at your age and started from scratch again.

mishfish · 16/10/2017 18:23

Just saw your last update

Things happen as they happen. There's no particular way things are supposed to be

I was very ill in and teens and told I'd possibly go into the menopause in my 20s so had my family young with no time to party, study, establish a career beforehand. If things had been different I wouldn't have even thought of starting to settle down until I was 34/35

YouMeanNothing · 16/10/2017 18:24

Half way to seventy-four is middle aged so I guess it's a case of suck it up. But it doesn't mean your life has to slow down etc

carefreeeee · 16/10/2017 18:24

Adult life starts at 20 so you are only halfway to 57 not halfway to 80 (if that helps - probably not!)

There's still time to do loads of things - try to be positive and think about how you can make things happen (meet new people, join clubs, retrain, move to a new area, whatever it may be).

If you think about people you know, there are probably plenty of others who haven't got far in life yet either and you probably have done more than you think if you add it all up.

I also find it helps to remember we are living in one of the most privileged societies in the world, that we actually have to option of worrying about these things.

AppalachianWalzing · 16/10/2017 18:29

That's fair - I feel like it can be a v stressful time because you're right, you could absolutely get the traditional meet someone/have a child/start a new exciting career stuff done but at this stage it would need to happen to a fairly tight schedule to all fall into place.

I think it's not old in the sense that all is not lost if you're not a home owning professional with 2.4 children and that's your goal, but it is the point at which you might not get all these things the way you pictured them. I have family members who met someone later than you and in one case had a first and only child at 42, and in the other case has a v close relationship with stepchildren. They're v happy but if they had been ten years younger things might have played out differently. Similarly, I have a friend who has decided at 34 to start a degree: I haven't asked her if she wants children but if she does it's clear she's accepted she'll have to wait a number of years till they start trying, and accepted the trade off.

I agree with a PP that it's a can be a v high pressure time of life- if your path isn't already clear, then in some ways whether you're ready or not the next five years will be determinative, at least with regards to having your own biological children. That is v high pressure and I guess at odds with the notion of being 'young and carefree.' Whereas if you've already chosen your path re children, career, partner, it can be an age where things seem easy in a way.

grannytomine · 16/10/2017 18:29

Depends where you are standing. When I was 16 I probably thought 37 was ancient, now that I am nearly double your age you seem really young to me.

trumptown · 16/10/2017 18:30

I'm 48 now. It's how you feel that counts. I had my first baby at 37, my 2nd at 40, changed career at 45 and went back to work after ten years at home with the children, lost 6 stone between the ages of 44 and 47, met a new boyfriend at 46....so no, 37 is not old in my book!!

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