Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 37 isn't 'young'?

149 replies

Oakshollie · 16/10/2017 17:47

Have been having counselling - was trying to talk and explain my fears.

The counsellor kept saying 'but you are so young.'

AIBU to think 37 really isn't young?

OP posts:
NamedyChangedy · 16/10/2017 18:31

I'm 37 and I still look forward to all the things I'll do when I'm grown up. I often have that nagging feeling of having to 'catch up' though, and have a pension and investments and all that jazz. I agree with the PP who said a lot depends on your peer group, I feel much more unsettled when I'm around a particular group of school friends, who always seem more sorted than I am. It's hard to shake off!

Cappuccinoloverr · 16/10/2017 18:33

37 is not young.

I'm 25 and even I feel old.

MrsKoala · 16/10/2017 18:34

I'm 40 and i feel young. My kids are still preschoolers and my baby isn't even 1.

The80sweregreat · 16/10/2017 18:35

It is very young, but then i am early 50s so i do feel old.
i didnt feel that old at 37. i had more energy then.

Atenco · 16/10/2017 18:37

Maybe you should define what you mean by failure, OP?

Life deals you certain cards and it is up to you how you play them. There is certainly not just one way to live in this world, it takes all sorts. And being nearly double your age, I envy all that time you have ahead to do whatever you want with your life.

Pooshweens · 16/10/2017 18:37

I'm 37 and I feel young

DrussIsTheLegend · 16/10/2017 18:39

37 isn't young.

At best it's middle aged (I'd consider myself lucky if I reach the grand age of 74).

It's certainly not old, but young is definitely a term that belongs to those born after 1987 in my experience.

Parmesanity · 16/10/2017 18:41

I feel younger in early 40s than I did in my late 30s...I think it's something to do with the DCs being older and less dependent, so I have more time for myself and my pursuits Smile

MrsKoala · 16/10/2017 18:42

i would say middle aged is 50+

If someone said 'a middle aged man' i wouldn't think they meant 35.

abblie · 16/10/2017 18:42

I'm 37 and still feel and get on like I'm 16 🤣 your only here once so don't hang on to a number

Jasminedes · 16/10/2017 18:44

A long time left to live

brasty · 16/10/2017 18:44

50 isn't middle aged. Most people do not till 100

japanesegarden · 16/10/2017 18:45

I'm 52, and from my perspective I reckon loss of fertility = middle aged (for women); loss of easy independence = old aged. I know that's not by the clock, but I think those are the great watersheds in life. In which case, you are still young. You certainly seem so to me; you are younger than my mother was when she had me, and she's still alive!

museumum · 16/10/2017 18:46

37 isn’t “young” to be thinking about starting a family (but not too old necessarily either).

But it certainly is too young to give up on life - career, relationships, lifestyle can all happen easily after 37. In fact I’d say these days more people probably start new jobs/careers/relationships at 40ish than are still in the ones from their early 20s.

stitchglitched · 16/10/2017 18:46

I'm 37 and still feel young. When I think back to things that happened in the 90s and I work out it was 20+ years ago I find it shocking because in my head I'm too young for that!

user1471451355 · 16/10/2017 18:46

I’m 24 - several kids, married, mortgage, all that. A number of my friends are in their mid to late 30s because we’re in the same stage of life. 37 doesn’t seem young to me but not exactly old or middle aged, either. A mature young person perhaps? Is that a thing?

brasty · 16/10/2017 18:47

I have started a new career in my mid 50s. My previous job is no longer going to exist in a few years.

glitterlips1 · 16/10/2017 18:49

I also think it is relative. I remember turning 30 and feeling old and down that I was hitting 30 but now I am 38 and think 30 is young.

gamerwidow · 16/10/2017 18:49

It’s all relative but at 37 you are still young enough to have more children or meet a new partner or change career. Your probably not even halfway through your life yet.

Jjpeston · 16/10/2017 18:52

From a fertility POV it's not old, full stop. You can easily conceive - possibly with help - til you're 45 if it's all in working order there. Any fertility doctor will tell you that.

A lot of this 'feeling old' stuff is a generation or so out of date, so many people in their late 30s have kids then / in early 40s.

My advice though as someone who was single til 36 (now at 39 have a kid and another on the way) is to date with purpose! It is a numbers game - sorry if that sounds unromantic - but you don't have tons of time, so join Tinder, Match, etc and just throw yourself at it - and try and remain positive. Negativity has an ugly habit of making itself known and is a real turn off. Hopefully your counsellor can help you be positive about 37 being young and - I PROMISE YOU - there are tons of great opportunities out there still.

DaisyRaine90 · 16/10/2017 18:52

I’m 27 and I feel old 😂

Dahlietta · 16/10/2017 18:53

37 isn't young. At best it's middle aged

At best?! Confused Middle age isn't a Maths problem "I think I will live til 74 so 37 is middle-aged." If it were, someone who died at 20 would have been 'middle-aged' at 10.

OP, it's not young to start a family and settle down, no, but I think what your counsellor is trying to say is that it's by no means too old either. I had my second child at 36 and was by no means the oldest mum in the playground. Of course you still get many much younger mums, but it's not longer unusual to have children even in your early 40s.

waterrat · 16/10/2017 18:54

Okay honestly 37 is not young in terms of having a family.

I don't think it's helpful of a counsellor to make comments like that - a good psychotherapist would absolutely not pass judgement/ make a judging type comment like that. A good counsellor should be listening and helping you work out why you feel the way you feel/ why you have taken the choices you have and what you can do to create a future you want in a healthy way within normal limitations.

You do have time to have a child but you don't have as much time as a 30 year old - lets be realistic. A good counsellor could help you look realistically at options ( ie. have a baby on your own/ or wait for the right man and accept that means no baby if it takes a few years)

They shouldn't be dismissing or confirming your fears in any way to be honest.

waterrat · 16/10/2017 18:56

ONe thing I can tell you op is you are never, ever too old to fall in love! And you could adopt/ foster/ have step kids even if the natrual way doesn't work out.

But I hate unrealistic advice - so for people (and a counsellor) to say 'oh you are so young' is just so unhelpful.

You could meet someone tomorrow and have a baby easily - or you might take a while to meet them but be so happy with them you dont' care about having a baby ...life is so complicated.

I think it's helpful to remember that life can be transformed at any moment and the future does not have to be like the past.

Own your decisions and accept you are where you are - but the future is all yours!

PolkaDottyRose · 16/10/2017 18:58

"Young" is relative. When you are 27 you will look at 37/47 and think that's old. When you turn 47 you will still think you are young though you might not feel it so much. I imagine the same will be true at 57 etc. I turned 47 a few days ago..I hope I still have some life left in me yet.