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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off

242 replies

Pi55ed0ff · 15/10/2017 20:30

it was a significant birthday this weekend. i've been married to dh for 15 years. we don't live near his family, but he made the effort to visit them whilst working nearby a few weeks back. they made a big deal about him bringing back a present for my birthday for me. he said it was probably jewellery by the size and shape of the gift and that they had all chipped in for it. it sat on the side looking at me for 2 weeks. i opened it and it's a bar of green and black's chocolate. aibu to be upset that they made no effort whatsoever? for previous birthdays his parents alone have given me a £20 gift card, so its weird that between 6 working adults they've managed a £1.50 bar of chocolate, right? i'm hiding my disappointment for dh's sake.

OP posts:

Creampastry · 16/10/2017 17:55

I hope your dh will be buying gifts for his family from now on, id have nothing to do with them. Tight wads but also really passive aggressive. Your dh is a twat also.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/10/2017 17:57

Yes - sell the whiskey. Leave the empty box . . . when he finally realises it is gone, deny all knowledge

Groovee · 16/10/2017 18:04

Sod a freddo they’re too expensive. I’d buy a multipack of haribo from home Bargains for a pound and give them a bag each.

user1471449805 · 16/10/2017 18:12

I'd be making it clear to DH that I'll be sending a card thanking them for the bar of chocolate, in the hope that he'd come clean about the fabulous present he lost / sold whatever.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/10/2017 18:16

Groovee Nope. That'd still be too expensive at something like a pound each that's £6. Fuck that. A freddo each, at what 20p or something seems more suiting. Unfortunately postage might cost a bit more but why not. I'd even go so far as to adopt a goat in the Outer Hebrides in their honour. Why the fuck not.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/10/2017 18:33

Unfortunately postage might cost a bit more but why not.

Just stick a second class stamp on - let them pay the fee.

HeebieJeebies456 · 16/10/2017 18:44

Are you really all suggesting that because her husband won’t have anything negative said about his parents, he must be controlling and dictatorial?

Yes.....because no human being is 100% perfect.

In this situation/context, it's perfectly natural to question the motives and attitude of the gift-givers.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 16/10/2017 18:54

I like the idea of passive aggressive thank you cards

Ceto · 16/10/2017 19:12

If your husband really thinks it doesn't matter how cheap and easy a present is so long as the donor has spent a couple of seconds thinking about what the recipient likes, I suggest you give him something like a slice of bacon (if he likes bacon) for his next birthday.

Groovee · 16/10/2017 19:46

@VladmirsPoutine I meant I bag each out of the multipack. Works out at 10p!

Groovee · 16/10/2017 19:46

With 4 bags left over for the OP!

Mustang27 · 16/10/2017 20:14

They wrapped a 1.50 bar of chocolate? That’s odd in itself. Don’t buy them anything again and please ask your hubby wtf that is actually about.

operaha · 16/10/2017 20:15

One year I dished out all the presents from my aunty to mum, dad, kids, my siblings and I got nothing. I was very hurt. I didn't say thank you and weeks later she asked my mum did I not like the ring she'd sent me, she was sure it was the one I pointed out in a jewellers we'd passed last time I visited. silly tiny box in bottom of Christmas sack. Gutted.

Doesn't sound like this kind of thing happened here, just sounds so mean!!! Your husband is being a dick. I'd defend any one of my family but I'd deffo step up over this!

scootinFun · 16/10/2017 20:18

Send them a thank you note for the bar of chocolate then gift to them on that level

yawning801 · 16/10/2017 20:25

Is this a joke? They'd be getting a tub of Quality Street, filled with buttons/safety pins/pebbles for Christmas!

Mittens1969 · 16/10/2017 20:29

Yes, the OP not being allowed to express how upset she feels is controlling on her DH’s part. Especially if they have behaved badly towards her, and this does appear to have been the case.

Unless there is another present on the way, though surely her DH would have said something like just wait and see, hint hint! Not just be all protective of his family. A chocolate bar is NOT an adequate present for a significant birthday.

RiversrunWoodville · 16/10/2017 20:33

Wow that is just hurtful especially your h's response. I have to admit I like TheMaddHugger's style he ate your chocolate so you drink or dispose of as you see fit his whiskey

FindingNemoandDory · 16/10/2017 20:35

Sorry OP but for some reason this thread has really given me the giggles

YANBU and I hope you still had a lovely birthday. Your DH is out of order!

iwasagirlinavillage · 16/10/2017 20:56

If he genuinely sees the presents as equal, then maybe his parents bizarrely do as well. What is your husband like at giving gifts? Does he spend a consistent amount? Or will he buy you a book one year and a diamond necklace the next?

That bar of chocolate is the sort of thing I'd buy a friend on just a random day, not even as a birthday present. So it is very, very odd. Especially as they made such a big deal about it.

StaplesCorner · 16/10/2017 21:24

I hope the OP comes back there must be more to this!!

SilverySurfer · 16/10/2017 21:58

I am totally shocked that your in-laws have sent you a bar of chocolate for your 40th birthday. My usual response to people moaning about gifts or lack of is to say get over it but yours is taken to an entirely new level. Even worse, IMO, is your DH's reaction to this pathetic gift.

I was going to say well, you now know what you will be buying them for birthdays and Christmas in the future but of course, YOU won't be buying them anything, I hope. It is entirely down to your DH and his gift from you will obviously be easy since he thinks a £1.50 bar of chocolate is equivalent to a £100 bottle of whisky

Hope you go out and treat yourself to something nice - happy birthday

Original poster

Pi55ed0ff · 16/10/2017 22:11

sorry everybody. meant to be doing a 12 hour shift today but it became a 15 hour shift when someone rang in sick.

i asked dh outright if that was really all they got me. he said they didn't give anything else and they definitely aren't the sort to arrange any surprises. he tried to dismiss it as they're really busy (doing things with all of their other children and grandchildren) and that i shouldn't be upset because it's the thought that counts. i said there had been no thought and that i was upset and hurt that after being part of their family for so long they couldn't do more than a bar of chocolate. he doesn't get it at all, but he rang them to check whether there was meant to be anything more. there wasn't.

i forgot before but there was a number of years where none of them bought anything for dc for christmas or birthdays. i thought it was odd. when i asked dh about it he said they didn't need anything. turns out that's what he told his parents when they asked what the kids would like, and so they thought they didn't want any presents. i shielded the kids from that for years. he did eventually say that the kids would love to get a surprise from their grandparents, so they made an effort and bought them something from the pound shop once a year.

i think they're tight and uncaring and i'm done with them. still deciding what to do about dh.

OP posts:

iwasagirlinavillage · 16/10/2017 22:28

What did DH get you for your birthday?

Bluntness100 · 16/10/2017 22:40

Most bizzare thing ever.

His family throw a bar a chocolate in a bag and give it for your birthday saying everyone chipped in.
Your husband thinks it’s jewellery because he thinks so much of them
On seeing the chocolate he suddenly hinks it’s a great present.
He happily accepts expensive gifts for himself then bare face lies to you it’s the same.

What does his parents get him? If they are tight with him then fair enough, it’s who they are, if they are just tight with you and the kids that’s not ok.

Also how is their financial situation?

Original poster

Pi55ed0ff · 16/10/2017 23:14

he did get me a thoughtful gift which is unusual - he usually doesn't get me anything and often forgets a card even. he got himself something of at least equal value as my gift as well though, which made me a bit .

his parents buy him a bottle of something and a hardback book usually. they aren't struggling financially - if one of his siblings needs £10k for a new car or £30k house deposit they can magic that up no problem. we've never had anything from them.

OP posts:

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