to be pissed off

[Pi55ed0ff]

it was a significant birthday this weekend. i've been married to dh for 15 years. we don't live near his family, but he made the effort to visit them whilst working nearby a few weeks back. they made a big deal about him bringing back a present for my birthday for me. he said it was probably jewellery by the size and shape of the gift and that they had all chipped in for it. it sat on the side looking at me for 2 weeks. i opened it and it's a bar of green and black's chocolate. aibu to be upset that they made no effort whatsoever? for previous birthdays his parents alone have given me a £20 gift card, so its weird that between 6 working adults they've managed a £1.50 bar of chocolate, right? i'm hiding my disappointment for dh's sake.

[MrsWembley]

I really can’t believe the posters here who are excusing the bar of chocolate, when really picking up a box of chocolates is even easier and far less likely to lead to divorce!!!

Seriously, OP, talk to your DP, his reaction is completely unbelievable!! How he can’t see the difference is wrong, just wrong!

[cordeliavorkosigan]

very hurtful. assuming your dh usually functions reasonably well in the world, he is being deliberately obtuse and it is kind of cruel to try to make out like you shouldn't mind. it's manipulative, undermining and totally de-valuing of you, your tastes, and your value to all of them!

[BeaLola]

I have no words for this - sad on yr behalf. No present would have been better.

[Whisky2014]

I'd just txt and ask if it really was the chocolate as your main gift. Also, your husband sounds like an absolutely infuriating arse!

[Whisky2014]

In fact, just get him to read this thread.

[PossibiliTea]

@whiskey14 exactly that.

[Whisky2014]

You can get tiny and I mean tiny bottles of whisky. And I don't mean a miniature I mean like the size a borrower would have. Please give one to your dh for his birthday. He can't complain because it's still thoughtful :D

[C0untDucku1a]

Drink the whisky op.
I hope you dont buy your inlaws anything. Leave that to your husband. Dont even remind him. They are not your responsibility.

My inlaws do not acknowledge my birthday at all. My husband says nothing. I do not acknowledge theirs. It is dh's responsibility. And he is shit at it.

[lindblum]

Christ this guy and his family are horrible. What's wrong with them?

Ask him how he would feel if you got a £100 bar of chocolate and he got a £1:50 bottle of Asda whiskey.

[HeebieJeebies456]

OP - WHY do you allow your husband and his family treat you like shit?

Seeing as he ate your chocolate - i'd just go and help myself to his whiskey.
Then call his family and tell them what you think!

Nobody gives a shit about you or your feelings so why do you keep making so much effort with them?
STOP making any effort with them...make sure your contribution towards the il's xmas/birthday budget matches what they each personally contributed.

Your husband sounds like a narcissistic arse - why do you allow him to bully and gaslight you like this?

Why are you scared to stand up for yourself?

[BakedBeans47]

Tight fuckers and your H is a prick as well.

Buy yourself something lovely with the money you would have spent on them for Christmas.

[Mittens1969]

I’m very hurt on your behalf, particularly at your husband’s behaviour. How can he really not get it?? And what will it take for him to ‘man up’ and admit that their behaviour is unacceptable?? A chocolate - when was that ever an acceptable birthday present, especially a significant birthday?

[Jb291]

What a nasty thing to do on your birthday. At least that now relieves you of any responsibility for future Christmas / birthday gifts for his vile stingy family. Tell your husband that as of now they aren't getting a brass farthing from you. If he wants to make the effort then let him but as of now you are done having to buy gifts for them

[StaplesCorner]

Is your DH usually as unpleasant as this OP, does he have form?

[ShapelyBingoWing]

It sounds like he's taken "it's from all of us" (read: one person bought it and nobody else will be going to the effort) to mean "we all chipped in" (read: we actually all chose to put in a bit of extra effort to get you something lovely) and is now quite embarrassed not just that it's such a shit gift when compared to his whiskey but also that he's made you think it was so much more than it turned out to be.

If it were me is just text thanking the person who most likely bought it thanking 'you all' for the chocolate and adjust my Christmas budget accordingly. Don't gush over it in the text. It's hardly gift of the century.

[MadMags]

There must be some mistake??

[PerspicaciaTick]

Green and Blacks do beautiful little gift boxes of chocolate for less than the £20 the ILs usually spend - that would have been a thoughtful gift of something the OP like. A small bar picked up in the supermarket as an afterthought - not so much.

[withoutthelittledots]

Perhaps a little thank you note (the smallest you can find) and sent 2nd class:

"Dear Relatives,
Thank you for sending me the bar of chocolate for my 40th Birthday,
Kind regards,
Pi55ed0ff"

[theftbyfinding]

Not allowing any criticism of his family shows he is controlling and dictatorial. You are within your rights to expect support and understanding from your dh, he is gaslighting you by normalising the inlaws shocking 'gift'. Which he ate!

[Butterymuffin]

OK, so who normally does present buying for birthdays and Christmas in your house, OP?

[innagazing]

Hmmm... I think there must be a surprise coming up from them, as no one could possibly think a bar of chocolate is an acceptable 40th birthday gift from several people. (unless they were in really dire financial trouble).
I wouldn't say anything nasty to them at the moment and see if there is a surprise in the next few weeks. The fact that DH thinks it's an ok present is suspicious to me.

If there isn't actually a surprise forthcoming, then you'll have a good reason not to buy them presents, apart from maybe a small box of malteezers between them. I think I'd feel as though they all hated me in this event, even DH!

[JCo24]

Literally fuming reading this.
OP, I suggest gift wise you completely forget about your in laws. Make no mention or gifts for any occasion and watch your DH flounder...

[HeebieJeebies456]

How about giving them all a bar of chocolate for their birthdays and Christmas?

Throw your husbands words back at him - "it's the THOUGHT that counts!"

[Longdistance]

At that point, I would have cracked open his £100 whiskey and drank it in front of him.

[Appuskidu]

Your husband's response suggests there are way more problems here than the present from your in laws.