to be pissed off

[Pi55ed0ff]

it was a significant birthday this weekend. i've been married to dh for 15 years. we don't live near his family, but he made the effort to visit them whilst working nearby a few weeks back. they made a big deal about him bringing back a present for my birthday for me. he said it was probably jewellery by the size and shape of the gift and that they had all chipped in for it. it sat on the side looking at me for 2 weeks. i opened it and it's a bar of green and black's chocolate. aibu to be upset that they made no effort whatsoever? for previous birthdays his parents alone have given me a £20 gift card, so its weird that between 6 working adults they've managed a £1.50 bar of chocolate, right? i'm hiding my disappointment for dh's sake.

[ZanyMobster]

Wow, I think I'd be even more pissed off with DH than his family after his reaction. Surely he must think it's odd they bought you a bar of chocolate, that's not even a whole present for a mate to be honest. Why can't he just call and pretend you haven't said anything and just say to them he's worried that he's lost part of the gift as there was just a bar of chocolate in there and they mentioned everyone had chipped in. He doesn't need to make a big deal of it.

I'd be fuming at him if he didn't as actually the gift suggests they have an issue with you, I would rather get nothing from them especially as it's a significant birthday and they usually get you a voucher. I love chocolate and would gratefully receive it but for a significant birthday from PIL, I would be very hurt.

[sashimiyummies]

This is giving me the giggles. It surely can't be for real? They've got to be joking. I would ask my dh where the actual present was.

[8misskitty8]

I'd message them and thank them for the bar of chocolate they gave you for your birthday. See what they reply.

If they usually give you £20 and others have chipped in this time then part of the present has probably fallen out either at their house or in your DH's car. Have you checked the car at all to see if there is anything there ?

[Pi55ed0ff]

that didn't go well. asked dh if there was anything else come back from his parents house. he said no. i went and checked the glovebox of the car which is where he had put my present. nothing there. i asked if anyone had given any hint of what the present was. apparently not, he just assumed jewellery because of the size and shape and because his my had said it was from all of them. he asked why i was asking. i asked him to go and get the bottle of vintage whisky that my parents had bought him for his 40th to drink. he said he wasn't opening it because it was too special. I asked whether he thought what his parents had bought me was special. he said yes, because they knew I liked dark chocolate so bought me what I would like, like my parents had bought him. I asked if he thought a £100 whisky and a £1.50 bar of chocolate were the same and he said yes, they were both thoughtful gifts and that I was being ungrateful expecting more. I told you he would defend them. He says they're busy, probably didn't have time to do anything elseand that they didn't have to get me anything. He really doesn't see the issue.

[Dancinggoat]

His response would hurt me more than the chocolate.
What concerns me is he's not thinking of you first.
I just think he's awful for making out you're the mean one. That's real mind f**^ stuff.

[RJnomore1]

Hmm, I'd take the tactic that your worried as obviously they wouldn't have sent a bar of chocolate and made a fuss about it so obviously he's lost whatever they meant to give you and he needs to phone and explain so you don't look ungrateful by not mentioning it, or you could phone yourself.

And see what he does then.

You need to be prepared to follow through with a "yes the chocolate was lovely thank you but can you BELIEVE he's trying to make me think that's all you sent, I said don't be so ridiculous they're generous people you've sbviousky misplaced it. Is it at yours? I mean imagine him making out you're such stingy hits because he's forgetful..."

[Catinthecorner]

I’d have that whiskey out if the house. Obviously I’d replace it. Airline mini should do

[StarlitTrees]

No one wraps AND gift bags a bar of chocolate!! Surely something else was supposed to go in there. Maybe it's still at PILs house?
Send them a text thanking them for the chocolate. It's just the kind you like.

If there was supposed to be another gift in the bag, they will be a bit confused as to why it's the chocolate you're concentrating on and ask if you also liked the earrings they bought you.

If they just say 'you're welcome' then you have your answer!

[CheshireChat]

Could you tell him that it makes you feel crap and that you'll definitely be too busy to make an effort for them.

[chocatoo]

Your husband's attitude is giving me the absolute rage on your behalf. I would adopt the view that if he really really can't see the problem then he is not worthy of your attention. His attitude would turn me right OFF.
Is he really so blind that he cannot see how hurtful the situation is to you and that he is making it worse?

[Usernamegone]

So now you know what to get your DH and his family for Christmas! Why not buy him something he likes that costs £1.50 then when he moans tell him he is not allowed to criticise as you were being kind and thoughtful as you knew he liked tea/coffee/chocolate/random stuff!

[MyDcAreMarvel]

Something definitely fell out, I would text them.

[ZanyMobster]

So for a 40th birthday a £1.50 present is acceptable. I would at the least buy an acquaintance a bottle of decent champagne let alone a family member. You husband is a twat to be honest. How can he not see how wrong this is. You must be furious with him.

My XH was like this, it was because his parents were not very pleasant, selfish and tight so I think he would defend them in embarrassment. He would also play down really nice gifts my parents got him.

[AmysTiara]

They obviously don't like you.

Your dh reaction is very very weird.

[TheCatsMother99]

Your DH's reaction is the weirdest thing about this whole saga.

[KityGlitr]

Meh, laugh it off. DH got wrong end of the stick. It's nice they went to the effort of getting you something you'd like and probably wrapped it as they were aware chocolate isn't exactly special and wanted to make it look nicer. It seems odd so many would chip in for it but I'm normally of the view that unless it's a partner, any other adult getting you a gift at all is a nice thing to do and the thought is what counts. Just chill with your own present buying for them.

You don't know what's been going on to lead to this either, maybe they've had a very stressful time or something and grabbed that last minute which is better than not bothering at all. I recently forgot to get my best friend's daughter a birthday gift as my other close friend was hospitalised and I spent most of the week with them. It happens.

[gonnabreakmyrustycage]

I am actually hurt on your behalf. Just know that you won't be overreacting if you make a massive deal out of this. It is a massive deal - not that your dickhead PIL got you a chocolate bar, but that your dh reacted like this.
20 quid from PIL is equally insulting btw. Why would you need 20 quid?!
No more presents for them or dh.
I would give the whiskey back to your dad as I am hurt on their behalf too, as they are obviously lovely and polite people.
My PIL are like this too but my dh is 100% on my side and we just laugh it off, and that is fine.

[BlueSapp]

DH is a bad liar, he’d have how ape the other way around. You should show him this thread so he can see how wrong his parents are

[Belindaboom]

I'd pour that whiskey down the sink. Your OH is either in on something or a total dick.

[Ceto]

How on earth could your husband have thought a bar of chocolate was jewellery? Has he seen what jewellery boxes normally look like?

[justilou1]

I hope you like whiskey, OP..... Hubby would be having the chocolate jammed down his neck if it was me.

[MrsFezziwig]

Ring them and thank them for the chocolate. If they bought you something else they will obviously be confused as to why you're not thanking them for your main present. If they aren't, you've got your answer.
And your husband is an idiot.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Or you could pour out most of the whiskey and leave £1.50 worth of whiskey in the bottle

[Loungingbutnotforlong]

I hope your DH is just really really embarrassed! Shocking that he is trying to defend them. Presumably this is part of a wider pattern where they act badly and he diesn’t Know what to say or do without WW3 kicking off with them.

[notapizzaeater]

Wow, what would they have to do to enable him to critique his parents? I don’t speak to my in laws ( hubby about 4 times a year for 10 mins) but they still managed a lovely £200 watch for my ‘0’ birthday