Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to resent being shamed by weird tight " friend "

262 replies

Mill46 · 13/10/2017 08:36

Back story - very old Uni friend and I get together every 3 months or so . We both very lucky and have worked hard . We have good jobs and earn what would be considered by most to be a very decent salary . We meet and have dinner somewhere that's not expensive . It's always nice to see her and I enjoy her company .
She has a complicated domestic life as compared to my rather boring one.
She contacted me to say she was going to be in town so we organised to meet .
I booked a fixed price menu at a reasonable restaurant and was staggered when she texted me to say did I mind meeting just for a drink as she's not got a lot of money at the moment .
I rarely go out for many reasons and seeing that this has been planned for so long I can't see why she couldn't have "saved " the 30 quid or so that it would cost .
AIBU that i think she's shaming me and being pasive aggressive as there is no way that she can't afford it ? I know mumsnet folks will say , if she's you friend see her anyway ( which I'm happy to do ) but I feel there is more to this . She could have simply cancelled , said she only had time for a quick drink - anything .
What do I do ? Cancel , meet her and feel bad that she's got no money and buy her diner , or have a drink and f* off home ?

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/10/2017 08:34

With friends like you, who needs enemies!

user1496121365 · 14/10/2017 17:30

What if she is going to leave her husband and is desperately trying to save up to do so? No comfortable life then. Perhaps that's why she wants to see you??? For some support?

FaveNumberIs2 · 14/10/2017 17:41

Maybe she had an unexpected expense come up but didn't want to cancel seeing you?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 14/10/2017 17:57

If there is financial abuse, maybe the handbags etc are him trying to "compensate" (help me with a better word?) with gifts?

pollymere · 14/10/2017 18:21

I'd probably say that I'd pay actually if I had an uncomplicated life and could afford it. There are people who work who are crippled by debts and can't save a penny without going hungry. When I was hard up £30 would be my food money for at least two weeks which is a lot for one evening only!

Mayhemmumma · 14/10/2017 18:25

Maybe she's on a weird diet?

Mayhemmumma · 14/10/2017 18:26

Or she's got something else she wants to do more before/after? I'd say how about pizza express then with a voucher?

hilbobaggins · 14/10/2017 18:31

Clearly she is going to dump you. It's the only logical explanation.

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 14/10/2017 18:41

I had a friend tell me she couldn't come out for a drink. Just a normal pub. She told me she couldn't as it was a long month money wise. I took her at her word and didn't take it personally. I admired her honesty if anything. Also offered to buy the drinks but she didn't feel able to accept.

KC225 · 14/10/2017 18:41

Is she porky? I have used this excuse when I don't want to eat and plan to to be on a drastic 'for an event' diet. But still want to go out. She has suggested drinks and not cancelled. Quite frankly a few drinks in a decent bar of doing rounds will burn the arse off 30 pounds in no time.

NoKidsTwoCats · 14/10/2017 18:44

I think YABU. Having a decent income doesn't mean there aren't times when money is tight. Maybe she has a big mortgage? She's saving for something? She's had a really expensive month with lots of social commitments and her boiler broke?

Cracklesfire · 14/10/2017 18:54

I think you're trying to create drama where there isn't any. Maybe you need a hobby?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 14/10/2017 18:55

Op you are the weird friend. She's not tight, she cannot afford it and she told you so. If that were me and my friend, I would buy her dinner. After all, you can afford to.

Wassock · 14/10/2017 20:12

Bonkers! And mean! So glad you're not my friend!!

sweetbitter · 14/10/2017 21:01

I don't get the shaming bit.

I don't usually think twice about spending whatever on dinner/evenings out with friends. But occasionally I decide to try to cut back in order to save for a big purchase like a holiday or something. It's not actual saving as in accumulating enough money for it, because I already have the money, but rather cutting back in other areas so that I feel less guilty about buying it and try to nominally balance the books a bit. Maybe this is what your friend is doing.

abigailgabble · 14/10/2017 21:07

jesus how chippy are you Hmm maybe she’s noticed. don’t have dinner with her save both of you the agg!

Dianag111 · 14/10/2017 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dimdarkashian · 15/10/2017 03:18

Have you been sniffing glue op?

NymeriaStark · 15/10/2017 03:38

All the money in the world wouldn't make me want to go to dinner with you OP; you sound like a horrible friend.

HashtagTired · 15/10/2017 03:48

She might just be prioritising her finances, saving for something else or paying of another purchase. Just because you know what someone earns, doesn’t mean to say you know their financial situation and commitments.

WellThisIsShit · 15/10/2017 03:54

Hope you have a really nice time OP, whatever and wherever it ends up being. :)

Daphne22 · 15/10/2017 07:35

Just meet for a drink for gawds sake, you are making everything too complicated. Your friend maybe on a diet and doesn't wish to tell/bore everyone explaining. Grab a sandwich before you meet her if you want food and enjoy a matter. Shake a leg girl and make a life, I'm 74 and have had some far away holidays on my own (with a reputable company and a tour guide) Life doesn't come to you, go out and make it for yourself! I'm off on a safari soon!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 15/10/2017 09:01

Omg a very good friend says that and you feel you’re being shamed. You have no idea what someone else’s situation is to make them say that. How rude.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 15/10/2017 10:12

Some friend you are Hmm

lastofthewintergin · 15/10/2017 10:47

She just wants to meet for a drink. She’s not shaming you or being passive aggressive. My reply would have been ‘Of course that’s totally fine, will meet you at x’. I don’t really understand the problem. Sometimes people can look well off but cash flow is a different matter altogether.