Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

Good friend had 3 under 3. She sailed through it.

They are now teenagers & she admits she regrets not having a bugger gap between them as 3 teens in one house with a single mum has been hellish for her

I had a newborn, 18m old and a 5yo who was at school. I also had a c section and I would say the hardest part was when the little one was on the move and I still had a two year old....made some good photo ops - think smearing dairylea into each other!

There are pros and cons about all age gaps but at least you will be used of the night time wakes :)

My sister has 4 dc, the 3 eldest are all only 18 month apart. She found it bloody hard work. The older two are very competitive and there are big issues with jealousy, when the 3rd was a baby she really had very little time to do quality things with her as she was so stressed running round after the other two.
I’m just giving a different perspective, they are all lovely kids and although they are generally a happy family it hasn’t been smooth sailing at all, it’s often very stressful going to visit because of the sheer volume of noise and constant bickering and fighting (and I have 3 dc so fully understand what is like to have a household full of children). A small age gap like that would be my idea of hell but each to their own. If you think you can handle the stressful moments and the likely lack of sleep then go for it. I guess the appeal is that they will play together nicely when they are older, although this is definitely not the case with my nieces and nephews!

3 under 3.5 here. 17 months between 1&2, 2 years between 2&3.
The age gap between 1&2 has been easier to manage so far than 2&3. Eldest doesn't really remember not having a sister. Big two are decent sleepers so that helped, both out of nappies at 2 but glad to have it all "out of the way" couldn't imagine 4yo and newborn.

I did it - mainly because I had a very difficult first birth and I knew that if I thought about it for too long we would never have another, and we wanted several. It was hard work, and the sibling rivalry is harder to deal with in a little one than in an older child who can understand better what you are saying to them. I remember my first always hurling toys (mainly wooden bricks!) at the picture window every time I breast fed the baby!

But they adore each other now as adults and would walk through fire for the other.

There's 18 months between ds1 and ds2 - they're now 12 & 11 years old, so we've been doing this a while now! (DS3 is 7).
Pregnancy was hard work, but ds1 was happy to hang out at home at that age, so we did very little. Once ds2 was born, we pretty much went to a different toddler group every day to keep ds1 occupied until he started preschool (when ds2 was 10months).
They were both pretty good sleepers, but yes, I was just plain knackered for ages. This meant that I didn't then have enough milk for ds2 so he was bottle fed from 3months. I know that doesn't affect everyone though!
Now they're both at secondary school, but they're very different personalities. I definitely don't regret having them so close together, but there's lots about that 3 year period that I have no memory of, which makes me a little sad. It took me until ds2 was 2years old before I could even think about having another baby without feeling sick! DS3 was born 3 weeks before DS2's 4th birthday and 10 weeks before he started school, so it was like having just one child again during school hours!
There's pros and cons for either way; do what's right for your family!

I've got 3 under 5. Eldest started school this September and is 5 in a few weeks and youngest is almost 8 months. I had a pretty good sleeper, a horrendous sleeper and thankfully now another good sleeper. I do however have two early birds and one night owl lol. I absolutely love my children's age gaps and wouldn't have done it different. I'd happily TTC again now but we agreed ds is to be our last and I know its the right thing for our family. Having a positive outlook on things , routines, being out of the house ALOT and keeping on top of housework are the things that help things run smoothly here

Will agree with other posters though, I am tired quite a lot. I actually can't remember the last time I slept solid through the night as I wake up so easily now coz I'm always 'listening out'. Also with quite a few young children, even when they all sleep well its rare there isn't one that needs the loo, a drink or whatever in the night 😶 . I'd personally rather have this stage done in one go though. I also have a teenage stepson who's here four nights a week ATM. My dh has already 'started again' once and really doesn't want to do it again

Go for it. Yes, it is pretty hellish for a while, but it soon comes into its own.

We started TTC when DC1 was about 3 or 4 months old, and there's an 18 month age gap, almost to the day.

My brother and I are 20 months apart and were good friends growing up, and still very close. Obviously there are no guarantees, but I wanted to try to replicate that.

Our two - boy and girl - are, thankfully really good friends. They have the odd sibling squabble, but for the most part they're making each other shriek with laughter. They're into many of the same things, and both know each other's friends. Coincidentally, most of their friends have a similar gap with their own siblings.

Life was hard when they were little - we had no family close by, and we also emigrated when they were 2.3 and 8 months. That was pretty crazy in hindsight, but we managed.

I wouldn't go for any other age gap, from a purely anecdotal standpoint of seeing other age gaps at play.

You'll get mixed responses obviously! I know a few people who have done this. Most say very hard at the beginning but lovely when they're a little bit older.

Two friends had their both their dc at the same time and had 20 month(ish) age gaps. One had a very tough second pregnancy despite an easy first. She then struggled a lot with the two babies, despite having a good support network. The other friend found her first baby much harder and sailed through having two with no help at all from family etc. She did still have her eldest at nursery though, so maybe that was the thing.

I think a lot can depend on how your second pregnancy goes and what your second dc is like as a baby.

Like everything there's pros and cons I've got 2 friends with two that close. One gets on with it very calmly but has 2 very placid kids. The other couple spend every second apart with parents chasing after different toddlers. They look so stressed all the time I'm not sure tgeir marriage will survive. Literally not been able to speak to either of them now since second was born. On plus side, depending on age getting on with second will give you the best chance. On the downside the older one won't have as much one on one time with you as they go through the toddler years which I found lovely, getting to really concentrate on my DS as he developed into a little person and appreciate it without running between 2kids. I can imagine rather than being very close it might make the kids a bit overly competitive with each other. But I would say everything depends on the kids you get! Good luck

I wish I had two children - I can’t even have another DC 6 years after my first. If i’d had two earlier then I would have possibly got pregnant sooner, despite circumstances not being ideal.

I didn’t get on with my DB when we were tots and there were two years between us but we did get on better when we grew up and were older children though.

Best thing we ever did. We have a 14 month gap. We were already in baby mode. There was no re-adjustment after having dd2. The only problem we had was that dd1 wasn't walking when dd2 came along (she walked 2 weeks later) so there was lots of trips up and down stairs and to and from the car or carrying them both around. There was no jealousy as dd1 was too young to know any different. As they're both girls. Once dd1 outgrows something (coats, wellies, jackets) you know all those annoyingly expensive things, dd2 is that size and more than happy to take them. So we don't have to store and lose anything. They go to the same clubs. Have the same friends, and are the best of friends. They're 10 & 11 now.

Same age gap here. It's hard but worth it.

I am 15 months older than my sister. The pressure on my parents was immense. The sibling rivalry was intense and we have never been close. The fights were often vicious, physically and emotionally. We are approaching pensionable age now and we don't fight anymore but there is still a massive disconnect between us. In fact the happiest periods of my life have been those times we went NC for whatever reason. Of course that could just be our personalities and we might have been the same with a bigger age gap but I think being so close in age made us very competitive and was not good for us.

Sorry, 15 months YOUNGER!!

This is very common and you will be fine. I wouldn't choose it personally

18 months here. I had severe pnd plus physical disabilities. HUsband worked long hours , no family support. I had fertility issues so dc2 was a surprise!
I couldn't get dc1 into any nursery For the best part of a year and it was bloody hard going, no lie, I nearly lost my mind and was suicidal due to pnd/anxiety.
Fast forward and I have two beautiful lively well adjusted kids, 6 & 7. I'm now divorced and living a fun fulfilling life with my amazing little gems. I adore them and love our life together. They fight like cat and dog but also love each other immensely, share all the same interests, play together, plot together, generally keeping me on my toes, making me burst with laughter and love on a daily basis.

My 2 are 14 months apart. It was hard, but do-able.& in many ways easier having 2 DCs close in age. Me & my brother also 14 months apart come to think of it

I had a toddler and twins and, while it was tough, I look back on those days with so much fondness now the DTs have started school.
Go for it, their bond at such a young age is adorable.

Oh, no family support or childcare but DH and I are a good team (vital!).

for PPs who have suffered from PND, I can’t imagine how tough it must have been with such young children and having PND; I’m fortunate that I only got the baby blues for a couple of weeks and that was hard enough as it was!

I keep swaying between ‘lets do this!’ and ‘lets wait a couple of years’; I think we’re going to wait until Christmas and then decide; by then our LO will be teething and will presumably have any sleep relapses she’s due to have (based on what PPs have said!), so if we can cope with that, then we can cope with anything!

I have a 19month age gap and so do a few of my friends. Although first year was tough my two are now 5 and 3.5 and they are best friends (most of time). They are only a school year apart and they just get up and play together. Much easier having both at home or out than one on own these days. They look after Each other and it’s lovely. Especially when you go away or days out as they are into the same things and able to do the same stuff so not having to separate into you take this one and I’ll take the other. Honestly the worst bit was when youngest starting moving and was frustrated with not being able to talk but as soon as she was 18 months /2 it’s been brilliant. I would def recommend close age gap.

15 months between mine and I'm still alive! don't worry what anyone else says - do what suits you and your other half. Everyone said we were crazy but I'm not sure it would have been much better if we had waited another year? DD2 is 4 months old now and I'm starting to feel we've found our rythem. It's tough going and fairly relentless at times but I love that they're close in age and excited to see them grow together. I was really worried too about how I'd cope but you just do! Just make sure you start taking folic acid now OP. I found out I was deficient around the same time I found out I was pregnant again and spent the first 3 months worrying if all would be ok with the baby - just wanted to remind you as the previous pregnancy may have depleated your vitamin and mineral stores! Best of luck, hope it all works out for you.