Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

My first 2 were 13 months apart - not by choice, but birth control hadn't quite started at that time. Both still loved very much.
First one was easy, 2nd difficult, constantly tired, but we were young and soon recovered.
Straight on the pill after that (or was it the diaphragm?).

I have a year between mine. Perfect age gap. First year a bit tricky, but once in a routine gets easier. They have broadly the same interests even though they are opposite sex but most importantly they have each other!

Another plus is that they are on consecutive school years. For me, they will only be in different schools for one year when they go to secondary.

My brothers are 13 months apart and didn't get on as children, 1 has admitted he hated the other one. They do get on as adults, when they see each other but it's rare.

My GPs had 5 under 6, one pair were close but they hardly all speak to each other, they are very different people and there is a degree of personality clashes between them all.

My various cousins are close in age, most don't even speak to each other.

One cousin has a 15 month age gap with her 2, it is HARD! They can be a handful and she really struggles at times.

My age gap is 3 years. It's perfect tbh. I would never do a baby and small toddler, I feel the toddler is the one who will ultimately have to sacrifice their baby time and have less attention at a younger age.

2 year gap is pretty standard round here where people tend to wait until their mid 30s to start their families so don't have time to hang around. My 2nd is due 2 weeks before DD turn 2. The pregnancy has been hard but I'm more excited than scared ATM.

I sometimes wonder whether I should have done this. I have a 2.5 year old and I really can't face having another child now.

I had my first two with a fourteen month gap, it was great, absolutely no down sides for us. I had assumed my eldest would be toddling at least by the time dc 2 was born but he was only just crawling when she arrived so I constantly had him on my hip and baby in a sling!

Three years later we did it again and had dc 3 and 4 with a 20 month gap. Again, no regrets, but I was glad dc3 was fully mobile when dc4 arrived! (Though I still ended up with one on my hip and one in a sling!)

My 2nd and 3rd are 18 months apart. It is hard sometimes especially since the middle child is entering the terrible 2s but I wouldn't change it. It is tough when everyone wants attention at same time but luckily mine are so close and both the boys love their little sister so we're glad we went for it.

I'd also mention the eldest one doesn’t get to be a baby for very long either. Unwittingly you force them to take responsibility and grow up because you have the encumbrance of a new baby. My eldest still makes reference to things from toddler days he perceives as an injustice.

This would be my thinking. You arrange your family how it will suit you, but I always think it's a shame you have to give so much attention to the new baby the toddler has to miss out a bit. And that's my favourite stage. If baby no2 is a 'difficult' one, then they will obviously take up more time and attention.

And there is absolutely no guarantee that they will get on.

Imo there's pros and cons for a both options.
Follow your heart. If you and your OH think you can manage a small age gap, by all means do it.

A friend of mine has two boys ten months apart and in the same year at school.
They have fought like cat and dog from as soon as they were able to and are awful to each other. They are so competitive.

So don't assume they will be best mates just because they are close in age.

There's 17montha between my youngest and it's great, we've got 3 under 5 and although it's very very busy they're all growing up together. DS3 was a surprise but given the choice I'd have the same gap again.

On the positive side though, if they do get on, like mine did when they were little, then they have a ready made playmate. My eldest wasn't too keen on the new baby for a few months, and positively disliked her for a couple. Then the 'new baby' stood up around a year, and my dd realised she had a friend to play with, plonked a crown on her head, told her where to stand and they were off- they played together non-stop til they were about 8 and 10. In fact, one of the hardest things has been going into the pre-teen and teen years where the eldest didn't want to play childish games any more and the younger one still did! They seem to be working it out though. I love this age gap and don't think they would have got on better or had a richer experience if they'd been 3 or 4 years apart, it always seems harder work when I see families with that gap, and even bigger and it's hard to please everyone on holidays, days out. There might be pluses I can't see but the most bickery children I know are with a bigger age gap not a smaller one.

I know a family who had an 18 month old and new born triplets. I am sure it was very hard work but they all seem very happy.

Although I do agree, any age gap with two children who bicker a lot and don't get on is painful and tiresome.

I had my 6th child when the eldest was 8.

There is lots of fighting OP. My first was 14 months when the second came along and it certainly wasn't lovely siblings growing up together. They fought and were very different personality-wise . So certainly don't have 2 close together believing it will be some kind of harmonious magic.
It might be ok, they might be close but they might not. It very much depends on their innate personalities.

I'm 16 months older than my brother. Childhood was incredibly competitive. I was an early talker and my parents say I never stopped asking when the baby would go home. It was harder on my brother in many ways, following his high-achieving sister through school, but I felt the resentment of not getting to be a baby very long.

As adults we are friendly but only keep in touch sporadically. I live overseas, but even if I lived in the same city as him we likely wouldn't see each other much. It's a big part of why I have an almost 4 year gap between my kids (that and DC1 was a hellish baby), and why my brother has only one child and will not have more by choice.

Physically, you need at least 1.5 years post-birth to fully recover all of your reserves. The shorter the gap between pregnancy, the more likely your subsequent baby will be premature.

All my babies were way over term, that doesn't make sense.

Mine are exactly 17 months apart (to the day!) and it's brilliant.

I personally didn't find it too hard. DH had to go back to work the day after I got home (he didn't get paternity so had to take holiday and DD was late!!) so my first full day at home, I was actually alone!

They are 4 and 5 now. DS adores DD. They have such a lovely bond and although they can fight like mad.. when they're being nice to eachother - it's lovely.

DD wasn't planned, but I'm glad I fell pregnant when I did.

I breastfed DD and I used a baby carrier which made things easier. And my DS was good at entertaining himself, he was a very easy child!

My DH and I are in our 30s and have friends with kids, but none have had a second yet, all citing how hard it has been having children, and in some cases, how the strain of having a child on their relationship has been as a reason why they haven’t had a second.

My DH and I both have siblings so we’ve always knew we wouldn’t want an only child, and that we’d want them to be relatively close together in age. Whilst I never thought I’d consider having another one so close to having my first, I’m almost shocked with myself that I’m seriously considering it now!

I know if we do, most of our friends and family will be shocked, and likely think we’ve lost the plot! But for a couple of years initial hardship and sleeplessness I think it would be worthwhile...

My second and third are 14 months apart. First one is only 3 years older.

I found it great in the early years. The two of them were very close, played with each other all the time, their friends liked hanging out with both of them etc. Childcare costs were brutal - the first year I paid more than I earned in daycare fees. It is still great if we go on holidays - they always have each other to hang out with.

Now they are teens there are some disadvantages. my older one has a classic middle child thing going on - feels pushed out by her sister a bit. They are just one year in school apart so often shared same teachers etc. One if much more academic than the other so that is hard at time. To be honest, I think if my older dd was the youngest, I would have had her repeat a grade a few years back but I couldn't do it to her to put her in the same grade as her sister (she would not have coped well with this) and I couldn't keep the other one back a grade just to make it easier. They are in different schools now which helps

At the moment they are both learning to drive - one just a bit ahead of the other. Apart from the expense and the scheduling/finding space to practice, I felt like I had to push the older one to drive because I knew she would hate it if her younger sis was driving before her.

I wouldn't change it and I don't know if they would either but I do think a gap that could have stretched into 2 school grades apart might have been easier for everyone.

I think it depends massively on how your first child develops. I know someone who ttc her second when her DD was 6 months old because she was such a passive baby and actually they hadn’t found her first 6 months too hard. They now have a 4 month old and a 17 month old. The older one is quite different now she can move, and I know they are finding her challenging plus the younger one too, who really gets no attention. I know there are positives that have all been said but I think I’d struggle to enjoy another newborn if I was dealing with a child who couldn’t communicate yet, couldn’t walk (quite) etc. If they are a little older they can understand and you can trust them more not to brain themselves while you’re bfing the newborn.

i have a 19 month gap and it is great. Very economical if they are both the same gender, clothes are toys can be reused without storing for ages :)
It is hard when they are young as 2 toddlers is hard work but now mine are 4&5 it is so much easier. They are both into the same tv shows and toys so easy to go do things as a family as they want to do the same thing. go for it

I think in the long run it's better. A bit like working compressed hours (as is having twins).

I had a five year gap and although it made the baby stage easier it means I'll have an under 5 for the whole of my 30s.

Mine are 17 months apart and the best of friends. 12 years later I can't remember how bad it was - probably the sleep deprivation. I wouldn't honestly have it any other way though. Growing up they played together so nicely and they still share some of the same interests. It was also nice to get through the nappy stage fairly quickly as it was all in one go! I agree with a PP - if I had left it much longer I think it would have taken more convincing to get back on the baby train! Good luck OP!

My sons are 15 months apart. My eldest didn't sleep through until he was 2 it youngest slept through almost from birth. My eldest was an early walker and quite adventurous so looking after them both was very hard work while they were little. They also missed out on alone time with me as they always had to share.
The pluses were having hand me down clothes for the younger one and they always had someone to play with. My boys were very close and even shared a bed until they were 6. They hated spending time apart and were best friends.
My boys are now 16 and nearly 18 and it's hard having two teens in the house at once. It can also be quite hard to buy the same things at almost the same time like computers, driving lessons, cars and uni costs. They all hit you at once and you can't spread the costs like you would if you had kids that had a larger age gap between them.