Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

Exactly 18 months between my 2 girls which was planned. They're 3 and 2 now and the best of friends (most of the time) 😂

6 weeks in to life with 2 under 2 - my little boy is 2 next month. Some hours are utterly overwhelming, bedtime is tricky but mostly is fine and my baby girl has fitted right in! Seeing my little boy kiss her head and say “my baby” makes my heart just explode xx

My parents had me, then my sister when I was 15 months and then my brother when I was 25 months... So just missed out on the 3 under 2...

Do it. My dc are best best friends. A beautiful feeling and the best part of parenting.

If only that could be guaranteed...

Havnt read the thread so sorry but my older dss are 16 months apart and then a gap of 9 years and we had twin girls.
A year later we had another dd.

So 5. Bloody awesome.

To answer all your questions!

It works because it had to :)
Go for it

Wine helps by the way

Age gap of 17 months between my daughters. Oldest went in a bed with a side support as baby moved into her for from Moses basket. Bought very little new equipment/ clothes for new baby as all still very good condition. One pram too but bought 2 umbrella buggies. So glad had my daughters so close together. It was a bit tough but nowhere near as tough as teenage years. So glad the girls are like chalk and cheese, but they get on well. I'd say go for it.

I had 3 in 2.5 years 18 months between ds and dd then 12 months between dd and dd. They are 16, 17 and 18 now all really close. Nights out together always watching out for each other . Its fab really
Recommend it hand on heart x x x good luck

• moved into her cot!

we have 4 under 4 (we also have two older ones...so 6 in all)
3 under 2.5
2 under 16 months
it is seriously hard work
but they all sleep though
the 3 little ones nap every afternoon....its the only way to get though the day.
when the routine goes to pot, we all go to pot.

I'd avoid 2 under 2 if you can. Enjoy the baby for a while longer....

It's brutally hard at times but I still recommend it for the pros, as long as you have good support in a partner and/or family. You will find it really hard if you don't get some sort of break at times!

My older boy (toddler at the time) did struggle when the younger came along for a little while and he wanted to play at being a baby again.

This then triggered memories I had of exactly the same issue when my little sibling was born and I was under 2. I remember being heartbroken when my mum basically reacted with annoyance (she was exhausted) and told me to stop being silly.

So I did the opposite with my little boy and let him pretend to be a baby, wrapped him up in a blanket and rocked him and sang to him while he wiggled and made silly noises. He only did it a handful of times but I think playing along made him feel more secure.

I also make sure to referee them quite a lot to make sure they learn how to interact nicely (and to try and minimise fighting), teaching them empathy, turn-taking etc, and intervening quickly to separate them if they can't behave.

Honestly, apart from the workload (which is pretty immense, but I have 3 under 4), it's wonderful. Watching them interact is a joy, experience a lot of firsts together, and I'm doing my best to try and make sure they grow up close, although it's a shame there's no guarantee.

I had 4 children (girl, boy, girl, boy) with a 3 year 5 month gap between eldest and youngest with the 2 youngest at exactly 12.months apart, which made for exciting busy birthday parties. I had 1st when I was 20, 2nd at 21, 3rd at 22.ad 4th at 23 and if I could do it all again I would have the same age gaps. All my friends were amazed at how calm I was and how organised I was. I worked from home until my youngest was 12 years old, then left my husband, taking all 4 children with me and needed to get full time work.

They are all happy confident adults, 2 working full time and 2 returned to University as mature students (the parent To 18 month old is back at uni). They are all in long term settled relationships.

One of my girls now has a toddler and she often says how much they admire my parenting ethics and craziness!! They all say they had a great childhood and are happy fulfilled, adults now.

I look back and wonder how I coped because the youngest has a serious illness and my now X hubby was a self centered twat who didn't give a crap about his children, drank too much and went out every, night.

It's going to be hard work whenever you decide to have your 2nd baby, just make sure you are happy with your decision and enjoy every single minute you hare with your children.

Mine will be almost exactly 2 years apart (I'm pregnant now) and I've found this pregnancy to be really hard, physically and emotionally. I wish I'd had a few more months just based on the challenges of dealing with a difficult toddler while pregnant. But maybe when they're both here things will be easier, I don't know.

I know someone who, when her last baby was born, had five children under five! Two of the boys were in the same year at school, they were only about 8 months different in age as the younger one was born 2 months prematurely! And she did this all on her own as she wasn't in a relationship with the dad, as she said "he was happy to be used as a sperm donor every so often".

As long as it's what both you and your DH want and you feel you are able to do it then there is no harm in trying for it.

14 months between mine and they are both boys but not close at all, in fact they don't get on for more than 5 minutest at a time. Being close in age is no guarantee they will be friends, in fact I think mine would like each other more if they were further apart in age and less competitive with each other.

Two under one here! Wasn't brutal at all! I imagine a newborn and a three year old would have been harder. Mine bicker but are very close.

HotelEuphoria I can only assume your current baby is one of the easier ones.

Definitely! My friend was ready for #2 when #1 was 6 months old, I thought she was insane as I was struggling with a clingy colicky baby. She now has two 19 months apart and the second is much more difficult. She admits that if her first had been like her second, she would have waited quite a bit longer.

Zeelove I would enjoy your first baby you don't stop enjoying your child just because you have more. What a ridiculously stupid thing to say.

I have to say there are some truly inspiring and amazing women who have commented on here; 3 under 3, 5 under 5...! I don’t know how you manage!

My main concern is that we have no family nearby and no close support network as a result. One set of parents may be moving near to us soon, but this isn’t definite and as I’ve mentioned, if we do this it will pretty much all fall on me as my DH works full time, sometimes to late in the evenings, so I can only count on getting help at the weekends.

My LO isn’t a great sleeper but has a great temperament and hasn’t suffered from colic, so I know I’ve got a relatively easy baby and there’s no guarantee a second would be the same!

I do feel torn between the ideal of having two children close together verses the reality of it, and whether I should just wait (but part of me doesnt want to!). But all of your comments have been really, truly helpful so thank you so much for taking the time to reply

No don't do it. You don't know what type of pregnancy you will have i.e. Hyperemesis, spa, generally unwell.

If you have a c section looking after a toddler who might not yet be walking will be impossible for the first month or so.

You may get pnd. It will be brutal with no help around.

Don't do it.

There's a 3 year gap between my dc and it's been great. Ds dotes on his little sister.

My sil had an 11 month gap between her two. It is hard work, they fight constantly, neither are good sleepers and the younger one has suspected autism.

Having said that, my mum had 4 under 4. I'm the eldest, I've never felt resentment or jealousy for that fact. I did have to grow up and be responsible a lot earlier than I would have otherwise been but that's just the way it was. I love my siblings and we all get on pretty well.

Would have been for me. My first was such hard work i couldn't even condider it for a few years till things calmed down. Depends on the baby/babies.

I have to say my favourite gap of all are mine with 7 years between them.
They adore each other. Older one dotes on little one, they are the closest of all mine..
The 4 under 4 spend all their time squabbling!

Just do it!!! You never regret your children! It's the best thing I ever did!