Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

We have a similar age gap. It's been really great in many ways. One of the pros that you haven't mentioned is that our eldest has really settled into the role of big brother very well. From the word go he adored his little brother. As soon as he came hope from the hospital DS1 stared bring him his favourite toys, gently holding his hand, giving him kisses, generally being very considerate of his brothers needs (sharing me very nicely, being quiet during his naps etc.) italso helped me to not be too involved/worried about DS1. Before DS2 I couldn't handle being away from him for longer than a hour and I was worried that I was spoiling him a bit too much. But once I gave birth to DS2 I was too busy to baby DS1 too much so it worked well. However it was difficult, very difficult. DS1 has always been quite a handful and didn't sleep through the night until DS2 was 1 1/2 so sleep deprivation was and still is really bad. Even so. I am very glad that we timed them so closely together. It worked really well for us. I think that it comes down to the first child, what is youDC like? Are they very hard work? Do they like babies? Etc

15 months in between my youngest two. It's been mental, but I wouldn't change it. They're still only little ( youngest 17 months), so we're still in the sleep deprived, potty training, toddler tantrum stage, but they are lots of fun. They get on well most of the time and with them being so close in age, we never had the sibling jealousy when the youngest was born. He was just accepted as though he'd always been here.

Advice I'd give would be to be kind to yourself. Expect your standards to be lower for a few years. My house is an absolute midden, I'd be horrified if me 4 years ago saw it in this state. But I know it's temporary. This too will pass is my mantra!

And it can't be that bad, I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with No.5!! 😂😂

We had a 13 month gap. I have just about recovered now that they are 5 and 6

And PPs, I appreciate that having two in a short space of time isn’t a guarantee they will get on. I suppose it’s a risk any parent takes when you have more than one child.

I’m also conscious that our attention would be split once we have a second and our first night feel the negative consequences of that, but being the oldest of three, with one sibling 18 months younger and the other 15 years younger, I can say that I noticed the change in attention more with my youngest sibling with the biggest age gap more than I did with my other sibling.

Food for thought though...

Where does the reasonableness come into it? It's you who has to cope with it?

My little sis is just 16 months younger than I am. It was great growing up and it's great now. I couldn't imagine a big gap.

I haven't considered the workload. My mum's none too efficient (sorry, Mum ) and she seemed to manage.

18 months between mine and honestly the first few months were so much harder than I imagined even being as realistic as you! Some moments were completely overwhelming. That said it's over quite quickly and by the time they're 2 and 1 you totally boss it! Good luck

7 years between my 2, I'd go for a small age gap anytime!

My 2 are 14 months apart, and we will soon have 3 under 3.5. Its busy but manageable, they currently argue over every single toy but love each other to pieces at the same time. I found in the early days routine helped immensely.

I thought 18 months was absolutely normal for an age gap, pretty much everyone round me had 2 under 2, to me anything under 15 months would be a small gap.

I think it sounds like your friends are the odd ones out, I'd be prepared to say that no one else would be remotely likelt to bat an eyelid at a standard age gap.

I think you can get sibling rivalry/closeness at all different age gaps tbh. FWIW, mine are 34 months apart, and can go from love to hate to love to hate again in the space of minutes hours.

I think there's a lot to be said, though, for being able to do family activities with the all pretty much the same age. i.e. similar interests, endurance etc.

2 years and a day here and honestly has not been particularly hard. As you said, you're still in baby stage anyway, with high chairs and child.friendly activities. DC1 does not remember the time before DC2, was not jealous at all. And they play very nicely together, lovely to see - share toys and interests.

I have to mention though that I went back both times when they were 3 months old. Being a full time mother for a baby and toddler, or toddler and pre-schooler must be an entirely different kettle of fish.

My two are 26 months apart - if I could have a "do over" I'd have a larger gap. DD spent the the first 2y of her life getting dragged around to stuff for DS, and I didn't have the time to do the things with her as a baby I did with him, and DS missed out on some of the things I'm able to do with DD when he's at school and just have her with me.

Although - it's nice that I don't have to worry too much about fiddly toys making their way into the house because there's a reasonably small gap between them. It would be a PITA to have to go back to confiscating Playmobil cutlery if he was 4 or 5 when a new baby came along.

Google the risks of having a second baby within 18 months for both you and the second baby. You're missing the health risks to both you and the baby in your cons list.

I did read once that you should have at least a year between pregnancies, and ideally at least a year between stopping breastfeeding and the next pregnancy.

But life doesn't always follow what the scientists think is the ideal.

I waited, a three yr gap, best option for us, the oldest got attention while little, the littlest got attenion while the older one was at nursery, win win. and the baby stuff we used over was in perfectly good order, they are close too, hugs and playing together. it was lovely to see the eldest want to help when baby arrived and they understood more, touching my bump saying babys in there etc.

I'd love it!
I'm pregnant with my first, and was hoping for twins or more!
I love the idea of siblings growing up close in age, so I'm thinking I'll want another asap, ideally with an 11-12 month age gap.
I'd say go for it!
Especially if you have a good support network in place with your partner, friends and family 😊

19 months between mine and I found it ok. In honesty I found it a breeze compared to when I had just had my first. I was already still in baby/toddler mode and they were company to each other. I was lucky though both mine were very good sleepers. They are 8 and 10 now and interested in lots of the same things.

My friend had hers 13 months apart. Bear in mind you'll need 2 cots, 2 high chairs, a double buggy plus 2 single buggies, etc

Interesting at the different experiences we all have. Where I am, it's at least a 2 year age gap if not more. (relating to SandyDenny's comment about 18m being standard amongst her friends)

One thing I would say OP is if you don't crack on with it now you may change your mind within the next few months 4m sleep regression anyone just me then

We have a nearly 3 year gap. Like a lot of working parents it was largely to help with the cost of 2 in nursery with the free 15 hours. My oldest was a difficult baby as well so it took a while before I could face it again.

It's perfect for us. Kids are very close and each one got to be a baby. It never felt unbearably relentless. Most of my friends have a similar gap and we all found it quite manageable.

It's a personal choice. You wouldn't be unreasonable to have a smaller gap if that's what you want.

I have a 10 month age gap between my youngest two. It was horrendous. Never again

For the PPs that have raised the health risks of having another baby less than a year after giving birth, I didn’t realise there were any. Ive had a quick look and online and fair enough, I have to say I didn’t realise the associated risks with getting pregnant again so soon post-partum.

I’m going to have a chat with DH tonight about it and maybe have a chat with my doctor about trying to conceive again. I do want another baby but I don’t want to put any potential future baby we have at risk either xx

I have a 5 month old and am 6 weeks pregnant so will have a 13 month gap! Do it, what's the worst that can happen? 🤣😝🤤

17 months between Dc1 and dc2, then 12 years between Dc2 and dc3. Dc3 is 17 weeks and we're ttc dc4