Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

I had my three girls in quick succession. The eldest was two and she had a one year old sister and a newborn sister. By time my eldest hit her third birthday the baby was 5 months old.

I found it very rewarding and loved it when my family was little. You quickly find routines that do work for you. Although my daughters are now 26, 27 and 28 so I'm probably in your mums age I certainly wouldn't change the spacing if I lived my life again knowing what I know now.

Think down the line too - I have two friends with 18 months between kids. Oldest one did GCSEs this summer, 2017, second one doing them next summer 2018, then oldest one will be doing A levels 2019 then second will be doing A levels 2020.

Both are braced for the 4 years of stress!

19 month gap here. First year (okay, 2 years) of both of them nearly killed us. Elder is NOT a good sleeper. But that said they are best friends now (DD and DS) - DS was bereft when DD started school this year. Friends are either having their second or third now and I am so glad I am not going back to the baby days!

my baby is 5mo and this idea fills me with dread!!!

There are less than 9 months between my DD and my twins. It was bloody difficult when they were small. Twins started school this September. Amazing. Done. They are such hard work, but their bond is so strong and it's lovely for them to be on practically the same level (interests wise). It's easier than having a four year old and a newborn, I think. But then again, I've never had a four year old and a newborn.

Oh I forgot, lots of pros.
You're used to baby ways, i.e. Broken nights, nappies, packing enough to stage a milatary coup of Europe etc.

Eldest is too young to remember being an only child.

You get your monies worth from baby equipment.

Siblings of close age have ready made friends.

By time oldest has to attend school you have a toddler rather than a baby (I always thought it must be difficult trying to get a 4yo ready for school when you have a newborn too)

My youngest had her second when her first born was 16 months old surprise! and agreed that two under two was easier than she expected and she certainly felt much more confident with the baby than she had felt as a first time mum.

My children are in their 20s now and very close. The gap between them is just under 20 months. It wasn't planned that way but it worked out well. Yes, it was very, very hard work in the early years, but once my son hit 3 and finally started sleeping well life got a lot easier. I don't think it would have been easy to go back to the broken nights and nappies after a break.

Mine were two school years apart, which I liked, although it did mean that we had GCSEs and A levels in the same year.

Just one little thought - it could turn out to be twins.

also me and my sister are 18mo and we do not speak. me being born basically ruined her life at a time when she was really clingy to my mum we’ve never got on. not saying that will happen but dont just assume besties either!

21 months between our boys. They've always been close and it's been great seeing them grow up that way.

I've got a 22 month gap, the youngest has just started school and I feel this is my reward for going through tough times when they were 1 & 3! It's great in so many ways - days out are easy as they have similar interests and abilities, now they are both at school I can focus more on my career, there was a short period of them both in nappies. But now my life is blissfully nappy free !

I can only assume your current baby is one of the easier ones.

There is a very good reason mine are 3 years apart.

Had they been born the other way round DD first and DS second then I might have been tempted to do the same.

In hindsight thank god they weren't. I simply would never have coped with DS and another baby.

Oh and many years down the line, one finished Uni as the other started, so I didn't have to fund two at once.

have a 21 month gap and can argue it both ways. they are on pretty good terms and are company for each other - they are also starting to be interested in each other's friends (!) so that they may end up in a similar social group in their teenage years.

BUT - it was c hard when they were little. 2 lots of nappies, 2 kids waking up in the night, double buggies etc.

And now that I see friends who had a bigger age gap - I see that they have more time to enjoy their kids - mine are going though the same stages at the same time - and they'll have left home before I know it.

from a work perspective, I did go back in between for about 6 months - which was a good thing. Meant my career has been able to continue- where friends who took several years out have found it much harder...

I had three under 2 (twins arrived when eldest was 21months old). It was hard work but tbh I find the three toddlers as they are now (twins nearly 2, eldest 3.5) harder as they all want pleasing at the same time (and what one wants doesn't suit the other two!). BUT they get on fantastically well together, hardly squabble, no jealousy from eldest when the twins arrived and it is lovely.

Had the twins not been a surprise pregnancy, then I wouldn't have chosen the age gap, but now I have it I wouldn't choose any differently! (No more children though.... )

I have a dc who is 3 next month and a month old baby and I’m so glad I have a bit more of a gap.
Big one understood more of what was going on and his behaviour has been great. I’d find two babies in quick succession exhausting physically and mentally. I went back to work in between and got dc used to Nursery so haven’t had issues w settling in when baby arrived. Oh and potty training all sorted before baby came!
Friends w babies close together are glad to get the baby stage out of the way but it is difficult as far as I have seen.

This is the gap between me and my sister. We played lots together and were very close growing up. It also made it easier in terms of my parents entertaining us as we were close enough in age to enjoy the same kind of things.

There were no problems with jealousy between us either when we were young.

I'd have thought that was a typical enough gap?

My friend had 3 under 1! Little girl was 11 months when her twins arrived.

Eilasor!!!! OH MY GOD! You deserve a medal for still being alive. That is amazing. Imagine, they could've been all in the same school year.

Thank you for sharing all your experiences, I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts, both positive and negative!

My LO isn’t a great sleeper, but is (fingers crossed) starting to get better. She has been combination fed but has recently started to reject breast feeding so I’m pretty sure I won’t be in a situation where I’m breast feeding and pregnant at the same time, although I acknowledge if that is the case it could be difficult to keep my energy up.

My sibling and I are two school years apart and I remember the stress of going through GCSEs and A Levels at the same time, but in the same breath it kind of worked for us because we both needed to study and focus at the same time!

Whilst we’ve discussed this in some depth and my DH is keen to have a second soon, I think I’m going to have to have a chat with my DH about this and make sure he is up for having another one next year... potentially got 3-4 years of sleepless nights on the way...!

Xx

19 months between my two and we all love it.

I had two under two (23 months apart) and despite the many pros it was brutal. BRUTAL. Barely managed to keep the marriage together.
When the youngest turned 3 things got better and now it's mostly lovely (they are 8 & 6).

It's fine, unless the next baby is twins, which happened to me. I had 3 DCs 20 months and under (and a 4th slightly older one who was 5). But even then it was fine. You do what you've got to do, don't you? Whether DC1 is 2, 3 or 4 years old, having a another is still hard work (and expensive).

11 months here, it was hard work but worth it!

Even though DD was IVF and a reasonably 'good' baby (although didn't sleep through reliably until 13m) I couldn't face the thought of trying for another until she was 18m. Then we had a few false starts with our frozen embryos and that means my twins will arrive when she's 3y2m. I'm glad in the end that we will have a longer gap than we first wanted. She's changed so much recently, she's so communicative, I can reason with her (up to a point), her understanding is so good, she's toilet trained, and genuinely excited about being a big sister etc.

Having said that I have friends with the 'typical' 2-2.5 year gap, and with smaller gaps, planned or not, and most are happy even though they all have ups and downs of course, and I'm sure we will too. My nieces are 4 years apart and that has worked well too; niece 1 starting school when niece 2 was about 6 months old has meant that SIL has been able to do lots of baby things with her again, and the girls totally adore each other.