Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!

[Crazythoughts]

Hi all,

Name change as potentially outing!

My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.

Am I insane to be considering this?!

My train of thought is as follows...

Pros:
⁃ Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃ We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃ We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃ Already set up for a baby
⁃ They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return

Cons:
⁃ Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃ Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃ No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃ Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃ Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃ Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again

I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!

Thanks in advance xx

My friend had twins and then a third 11 months later so 3 under 1! Ahe waited a further 18 months for number 4!!

3 boys in 3 years
It was hard work but they are now grown men who are all still close. When they're all home from Uni they are always out socialising. They consequently have a huge friendship group.

The only downside is the cost of 3 at Uni at the same time!!!!! Wouldn't change a thing. Those hard years were worth it😁

I had 2 under 1 and then a few years later 3 under 3 1/2.Its tough but good.Theh grow up together, school tohether

Sorry to be a wet blanket but: the fact you conceived easily once (I assume, as you seem to be taking for granted that it'll happen when you want) doesn't mean you will the second go round. You might, and I hope you do, but lots of women find no. 1 takes no trouble but no. 2 does (and vice versa). Which is a) a reason not to get really fixated on a particular age gap (if you read the secondary infertility threads that brings a lot of misery) - I wouldn't focus top much on the reasons why an age gap of less than two years is amazing until you actually know that's what you're having and b) a reason to start trying nearer the start of your 'ideal window' than the end.

16 weeks pregnant today and DS is almost 10 months. I'm terribly excited and a little scared! Although PP have spoken about number two potentially being harder to conceive, also be prepared for it being easier! I got pregnant bylooking at DH as soon as we decided to 'see how things would go' compared to 2 cycles last time. Wasn't expecting it to happen so soon but equally thrilled. This pregnancy is flying as I'm so distracted with DS. I do feel a little guilty about DS being so young and how he will never remember being an only child.

strike writing fail

You have to consider, are you likely to find it harder to have to get back into baby mode having got out of it, which you'd have the opportunity to do even with a 2.5 year gap which is hardly large. Or would you find it harder to remain in baby mode throughout and never have had any kind of physical break in the middle, ie time when you're neither pregnant nor doing lots of night wakings. I don't think there's any one answer that works for everyone. They're both hard in different ways.

I had a 17 month gap. Had hard work til they were about 6 or 7-then on-all good!!

Although PP have spoken about number two potentially being harder to conceive, also be prepared for it being easier! I got pregnant bylooking at DH as soon as we decided to 'see how things would go' compared to 2 cycles last time.

Those are both incredibly quick and you were almost equally lucky both times.

@MargaretCavendish Yes very quick on both occasions, I'm just saying I had thought it wouldn't be straight away and was stupidly shocked when it was this time. I had been part of a conception thread before DS where many were struggling with secondary infertility and was worried about it too. I wasn't disagreeing with you just saying to be wary of it going either way. Sorry if I offended.

Don’t over think it. I had 2 under 2 and then onto 3 under 3.

It was blooming hard work. But they really are best of friends now and always have been.

Despite expecting difficulty to conceive due to pre existing conditions I have, we conceived straight away with our LO, so trying for a second could go either way to be honest - could be straight away or our LO could have been a ‘fluke’ and we might not be able to have a second.

Either way I’d love to have a second baby, it’s just whether trying sooner rather than later is the best thing to do xx

17 months between my two.
DH away a lot with work and no grandparent or family nearby. It’s so hard. It’s never ending nappy changing, sterilising bottles, trying to give them both attention. It’s also little things like trying to get them both in the car, going for a wee, trying to get one in a swing while holding the other one.
It’s relentless.

If there’s a slither of doubt in your doubt in your mind I’d say wait til eldest a bit more independent.

There’s 18m between me and my brother, we got on okay growing up but we weren’t expected to be friends.

We have a 12 month age gap between our DDs. It was 100% planned to have a small age gap (although it did happen the first month of trying!)

I really wouldn't recommend it based on the first year! It was relentless and nearly broke me and our marriage. However the sleep deprivation is now over, our eldest has started school and they are both out of nappies and it is wonderful. Based on how things are now i'd say go for it. It's like ripping a plaster off quickly and getting through the awful bits quickly!

They are super close and enjoy all the same things/play really well together. Child care was expensive for a while having two in nursery but that is ofset but being able to get back to work quicker than I would have been able to had a gone for a 2-3 year age gap and cracking back on with my career.

14 months between mine. Two caesarian births. Hard work - returned from maternity leave pregnant 😧. However - at least all mat leaves at once and toys could be shared etc.

18 months between my two. There's an entire year in the early days that we can't really remember... Now they're 7 and 8 and the best of pals (in the main). They play such beautiful imaginary games together and put on the occasional show. They have their moments but I hope they'll still be great pals when they're teenagers and adults.

Good luck. You'll be grand. Ask for help!

I had 21 months between the first two and will have 28 months between 2 & 3.
I have loved the smallish gap. My ds was still napping 2 hours a day when his sister arrived. Bliss! I love the baby stage and didn't so much want it 'out the way' as couldn't wait to do it again!
They are now 2 & 3 and so sweet and so much fun. They play together all day love the same things. I love having 2 littlies.
The smaller one sleeps badly though, so we're tired, but it's worth it.
To be honest I love it all so much I don't want them to get bigger - I'm sure there will be many challenges along the way, but so far so good!

With the bigger gap coming up, I am dreading having a toddler who doesn't nap while baby does. She is already toilet trained, and has been for ages, so that's good, but I found toilet training really easy both times, and they were done at 28 months and 21 months. I'm also going to have to fit in a school/ preschool run, which wasn't a consideration last time.

Good luck

A friend has 7 months between her 2 children. Not planned though.

19 month gap here. My elder child is very chilled out and sleeps well though, or we would have waited.

We had a 17 month gap then a 3 year gap. I found the 3 year gap harder although that was more to do with the personalities of the kids than the age gaps.

I do think since there's enough of us around with small gaps that it would be as crazy to assume secondary infertility as it would be to assume you can plan your pregnancy to the minute. I have got pregnant first month of trying with each pregnancy though my concerns are more with accidental pregnancy (or twins, I was really worried DD2 would be twins!) than not getting pregnant.

My second pregnancy was exhausting. DD1 wasn't walking when I got pregnant and she was still BFing. Then my Dad was very ill so I wasn't sure if we'd have someone to look after DD when I went into labour which very stressful. As far as the actual pregnancy went it was fine though, fewer issues than my first actually, and my labour was perfect.

Having said all that once DD2 arrive it was lovely and the girls were such good pals from a very young age and do all the same activities etc. DD1 adored DD2 and DD2 was a very easy baby who slotted into our lives with no fuss. I swear she put herself into a bedtime routine by a week old and was one of those mythical babies that could be put down to nap while still awake. If only the other two had been like that!

I would always advocate a small gap, made things easier at work, much easier dealing with 2 at the same stage and gets the baby stage over with quickly (I was not good at that stage!). Having said that after 2 pregnancies close together I needed a break and so we then had a 3 year gap. A friend had 4 within 7 years though so not everyone feels the same!

I wouldn't do it. My son is almost nine and I've loved being able to give him all of my time and attention. He's my best friend and I think the bond we will have when he an adult will be different than if I had had another child to take care of.
There is one other in his friendship group and the two of them are by far the most laid back and easy going or the group. Those with a small age group always seem to be fighting to be centre of attention.

I would enjoy your first baby.

That's interesting Zeelove there's 11 years between my first 2 and having an only child that long wasn't great IME. She was often lonely or bored and I found it harder to entertain her without spending £££'s because I got quite tired of dolls tea parties!

The younger 2 being 18 months apart suits me much better! I have a close bond with all of them, it's made no difference to that. My eldest is also far from laid back! I think it's just your son's personality/upbringing rather than being an only!

I've got 4dc aged 12,7,4 and 3.

I found out I was pregnant with dc4 when dc3 was 14 weeks old. So I had a newborn, a 13 month old, a 3 year old and 9 year old.
A small gap has pros and cons. I'm to going to lie the first year was hell with the occasional flash of sunshine.

It's only really the last 6 months that I've felt things have got easier.

If you do go for it my top tips would be do not try and and be superwoman, take any help that's offered, if you can afford a cleaner/ironer/whatever do it, and the biggest one really really try and carve out a bit of time for yourself, leave them with your dp for and hour even if you just go and sit in a cafe for half an hour or go for a walk.

We have a 21 month age gap with DC2 a surprise baby. Something else to think about is what pregnancy will be like, and what that will do to the older child. I had bad morning sickness and was very tired for the first 4 months. For those 4 months I struggled to be there for DC1 in the way I should have been, and he was still only little and really needed me. With a bigger gap, he would have been more independent and would also have understood about mummy not being able to do stuff right now.
It's been hard work but now they are starting to play together we are starting to see the reward and I don't regret it overall - but if we have DC3 we will have a bigger gap!