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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Michelin starred restaurant for pre-school mums night out

252 replies

nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 11:43

I don't want to start a Christmas thread in October - but unfortunately that is where this is going.
My DS has just joined a pre-school that is part of a local prep school. There aren't may pre-schools round here and he just goes a few hours a week, but it is a generally lovely non-pretentious little school.
The class rep has just sent round the invite for the class Christmas party which I has previously said yes to as I love a good night out. However, the invite is to a fancy £100 a head Michelin starred place (no drink included - that is just the food!).
AIBU to think this is perfectly bonkers, and not something I want to spend my money on 2 weeks before Christmas, with people I barely know. Plus the restaurant is in the swankiest part of London and we are in the home counties, so it's also a massive trek.
How should I respond? I can't imagine many of the mum's saying yes due to the prohibitive cost - but it's all a bit embarrassing really. What's wrong with tapas at the local pub?

OP posts:
gabsdot · 09/10/2017 11:45

Just reply with "What's wrong with Tapas at the local pub"
Or have your own alternative night out somewhere cheap and local

Gimmeareason · 09/10/2017 11:45

100 pounds a head
Michelin starred
Swanky part of London
Home counties
"Tapas"....in a pub

Non-pretentious?

Fuckin hell man, seriously.

Set up.your own parallel invite for a night down the bingo hall

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 09/10/2017 11:46

Just say no because you can't afford to or because you don't want to.

As a country we need to stop using bad excuses and just be more honest but politely.

Watch the Ted Talk 'how to give less fucks' on YouTube.

milkmoustache · 09/10/2017 11:46

The class rep is completely deluded. Ask around and I bet everyone else will share your reaction.

Imonlyfuckinghuman · 09/10/2017 11:47

Shock wowzers!

Just be honest and reply back with a solid no!

Maybe class rep just gets a little carried away!

Dc go to a independent school and our xmas night out is £20. None of m 'mummy' friends would pay that either 😱

DearMrDilkington · 09/10/2017 11:47

How ridiculous.

Has the date been arranged yet? If so just say you won't be able to make it due to a family wedding or something.

5rivers7hills · 09/10/2017 11:48

Reply to all "Yikes thats a bit more expensive than I was expecting! Sorry I'll have to bow out of this due to cost but looking forward to catching up another time"

DearMrDilkington · 09/10/2017 11:48

I'd say be honest, however, your going to be stuck with these parents all through primary school so there's no point making things awkward already.

Anymajordude · 09/10/2017 11:48

These things are usually hell anyway. Just don't go, I always give them a swerve these days. You'll be seething as you watch them knock back prosecco and champagne like it's going out of fashion and you split the bill to £300 each. No thanks.

LagunaBubbles · 09/10/2017 11:50

Just tell the truth, too expensive and too far away.

PinkHeart5914 · 09/10/2017 11:51

I’d love that Blush

However it shouldn’t be assumed everyone can afford it or that everyone will want to do it and a more casual option would of been a better bet all things considered

Just make up a plan you already have for that date?
Just say it’s too close to Christmas for you to spend that kind of money?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 09/10/2017 11:52

No is sufficient. No need to mention costs, plead poverty or anything else. A simple declination. I never quite understand why people think they have to accompany a yes or no answer with a myriad of reasons or excuses.

Glumglowworm · 09/10/2017 11:52

Just say no, you were expecting a meal at the local pub, not a Michelin star thing miles away

I can't imagine you'll be the only one who doesn't go!

Beckywiththebadhair · 09/10/2017 11:54

Just say that you won't be going to to the restaurant but would anyone like to meet up for drinks at X pub on X date?

Organise something yourself then you can pick the venue.

Arseface · 09/10/2017 11:57

#onlymumsnet

That is brilliant! I want to organise a mums night out too now.
Get everyone to agree a date then demand they hand over £150 for a spa evening.
The WhatsApp thread would go eerily silent.

Original poster
nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 11:57

Part of me wants to bail out quietly - with a 'sorry, got the dates mixed up so can no longer make it'. The other part of me (the side who actually does fancy going out for a relatively seldom fun night out) wants to say it's too spenny, so can we go to this local (but perfectly lovely) place down the road.
The class rep is vying for alpha mum status and I just can't be arsed!

OP posts:
guilty100 · 09/10/2017 12:05

I suspect that you will actually become something of a modern day heroine if you send a straightforward email that says something on the lines of "Bloody nora, I was thinking this would be a knees up at the local pub - sorry, that's way too expensive just before Christmas. Anyone up for a night out in the local as a cheaper alternative?"

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/10/2017 12:05

Surely the thing to do is to canvas others behind her back to see what they are doing before you reply? I'd be wary of being honest because she may use it to bully you with.

unfortunateevents · 09/10/2017 12:07

Well, if you don't stick up for yourself now, this will become the pattern for all future get-togethers and you will spend years fuming and being out-of-pocket. The only way you are going to know is by emailing and being upfront that this is too expensive and too far away. Either others will say the same in which case you reset expectations in line with what the majority want and can afford, or everyone else is happy with this ridiculous over-the-top evening and you know that this group is not for you!

Original poster
nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 12:10

I don't get bullied that easily Yet but I can imagine how some of the class mums may be worrying about that.

Just told my DH and he couldn't stop laughing very helpful

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 09/10/2017 12:13

Come on OP say can we do it at the local? Your be the other parents hero!

milkmoustache · 09/10/2017 12:14

Be brave, I bet the other mums will be eternally grateful to you if you don't encourage this 'keeping up with the Joneses' bollocks.

catgirl1976 · 09/10/2017 12:15

YANBU - that's insane

Reply with

Hi - sounds lovely but it's more than I want to spend right before Christmas. If we want to get as many of us to these things as we can, maybe we should make them a bit more accessible in terms of cost and venue? How about local place for a few drinks and a meal instead - or a second event on xx date there for those who can't make the London night

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/10/2017 12:15

You just reply with "Sorry,that's beyond my budget especially just before Xmas, have a lovely time!Smile" x

You wont be the only one that can't go.

catgirl1976 · 09/10/2017 12:16

Or - win Mumsnet by simply replying

Are you on glue