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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Michelin starred restaurant for pre-school mums night out

252 replies

nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 11:43

I don't want to start a Christmas thread in October - but unfortunately that is where this is going.
My DS has just joined a pre-school that is part of a local prep school. There aren't may pre-schools round here and he just goes a few hours a week, but it is a generally lovely non-pretentious little school.
The class rep has just sent round the invite for the class Christmas party which I has previously said yes to as I love a good night out. However, the invite is to a fancy £100 a head Michelin starred place (no drink included - that is just the food!).
AIBU to think this is perfectly bonkers, and not something I want to spend my money on 2 weeks before Christmas, with people I barely know. Plus the restaurant is in the swankiest part of London and we are in the home counties, so it's also a massive trek.
How should I respond? I can't imagine many of the mum's saying yes due to the prohibitive cost - but it's all a bit embarrassing really. What's wrong with tapas at the local pub?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 09/10/2017 12:41

"Don't mention budget or money it's cringe somehow."

No it isn't. Everyone I know would say if something was out of their budget. Maybe South Yorkshire folk are different.

RosyPony are you on glue? Grin

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 09/10/2017 12:43

I'd 100% mention budget. Otherwise every event for the rest of primary school is going to be ridiculously expensive.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/10/2017 12:43

£100 a head for Michelin starred food? Sounds great! I don't get what the problem is? Better than wasting £20 in some crappy chain eating food you could cook better yourself it won't be just £100 as there's still drinks on top. It's only 'better' if you want to spend that much. There are lots of lovely places you can eat for £20, why would you go somewhere 'crappy?'

Original poster
nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 12:45

That's my concern Honey. This is the person that will making all the grand class plans for the rest of the year, and then depending on class changes, potentially for several years thereafter!

OP posts:
herecomesthsun · 09/10/2017 12:45

I wouldn't say "out of my budget",

I would say,
-Thanks for organising it, sounds great,

  • I 'm really sorry but I don't think I could manage a London trip just before Christmas, it will be so busy just then.

-I wonder if we/ some of us could catch up more informally if that is possible, maybe for drinks or a bite locally over the holiday period if anyone's about (I know this fab tapas bar!)

-Thanks again/ great you are looking to organise a get together /I love a good night out / hope we can get together sometime soon.

I wouldn't mention the money are more tactful not to.

I would frame the refusal with positives.

Mind you, you know this person and we don't!

sirfredfredgeorge · 09/10/2017 12:45

But if you can't afford the night out with the mums (why not other parents?), how will you afford the prep-school fees? It reall sounds like the prep-school is sussing everyones ability to pay out before making offers to the kids it wants.

Crispbutty · 09/10/2017 12:46

"£100 a head for Michelin starred food? Sounds great! I don't get what the problem is?"

For most people the problem would be finding £100 plus all the additional expense. Hmm

Spudlet · 09/10/2017 12:51

If I was going to drop £100+ on food and travel for miles to do it, it wouldn't be with a load of pre-school mum randoms 😂 Good grief! Top marks for ambition, but blimey, who would?!

Your response sounds perfect op, hope something a little more realistically priced can be organised Smile

FusionChefGeoff · 09/10/2017 12:51

Sirfred I’m sure it’s not a case of not physically being able to find £100 - more a question of not wanting to / prioritising ‘fun’ money. I could easily find £100, hell, I could raid the savings and find a lot more than that. But I wouldnt want to spend so much on something that’s just not that important to me.

unfortunateevents · 09/10/2017 12:52

But if you can't afford the night out with the mums (why not other parents?), how will you afford the prep-school fees? It reall sounds like the prep-school is sussing everyones ability to pay out before making offers to the kids it wants - first of all, the school has nothing to do with the mums' night out and secondly, maybe many people afford the fees for school precisely by NOT splashing cash around on non-essential extras like this?!

BoogleMcGroogle · 09/10/2017 12:54

sirfred OP can perhaps afford prep school fees precisely because she doesn't spend that sort of money on a night out with a bunch of school-gate mums.

I think that some prep-school parents can be a bit like this, and it's sometimes a case of finding your little tribe (or not bothering, it's not compulsory to make 'mum friends'). My DD is in year 4 at a prep school and, while there might have been a bit of this in the early years the novelty has truly worn off for everyone now.

unfortunateevents · 09/10/2017 12:55

Also, where are they going that it costs £100 a head anyway? The closest Michelin star restaurant to us (home counties) does 3 courses dinner for £55. Another in Wandsworth is a similar price and a quick google of a few other London ones shows similar prices. She's not just proposing a Michelin star but a more expensive one!

GrumpyOldBag · 09/10/2017 12:55

£100 for a Michelin-starred restaurant is not in itself ridiculous - but if I was spending that money it would be with my nearest and dearest, for a major birthday or anniversary, not a bunch of school mums I hardly know.

If you wanted to be really goady you could tell them you were contributing the money to a Homeless Shelter instead?!

ThePeanutGallery · 09/10/2017 12:56

But if you can't afford the night out with the mums (why not other parents?), how will you afford the prep-school fees? It reall sounds like the prep-school is sussing everyones ability to pay out before making offers to the kids it wants

Well that's a silly way to offer places. Many parents will sacrifice to get their kids in good schools (me & DH included). Our ability to afford an outrageously expensive night out with parents shouldn't be held against us.

whyismykid · 09/10/2017 12:56

What batgirl says is perfect (and even better if you can reply all!)

Bubblebubblepop · 09/10/2017 12:57

I don't know. I don't think anyone's being U. If they want to go to a lovely restaurant they shouldn't really be restricted by always catering for the lowest budget. It's nice to include everyone but a bit frustrating when you're always the one compromising.

That said is a lot of money and I don't blame you for being a bit surprised and put out

Dearlittleflo · 09/10/2017 12:58

But if you can't afford the night out with the mums (why not other parents?), how will you afford the prep-school fees? It reall sounds like the prep-school is sussing everyones ability to pay out before making offers to the kids it wants.

It really, really doesn't. Presumably the class rep is a parent, not a school employee. And being able to afford £100+ for a dinner is no indicator at all of ability to afford fees.

FWIW, my kids go to an independent school in London. It's really expensive. However, parents are on a range of budgets (from super-rich to only just able to afford the fees) and no one would DREAM of organising a class social at a Michelin starred restaurant charging £100/head for food. Can't think of anything crasser.

fairyofallthings · 09/10/2017 12:59

Suggest an alternative evening at MacDonalds ? ;-)

A Michelin starred restaurant is an obscene waste of money unless it's for a really fancy wedding.

araiwa · 09/10/2017 12:59

mums who michelin

Dearlittleflo · 09/10/2017 12:59

I don't know. I don't think anyone's being U. If they want to go to a lovely restaurant they shouldn't really be restricted by always catering for the lowest budget. It's nice to include everyone but a bit frustrating when you're always the one compromising.

I disagree entirely. It's the class party- it should be inclusive. Plenty of other opportunities for expensive dinners.

LoniceraJaponica · 09/10/2017 13:02

Is it just a London thing about being embarrassed to admit that some things are just beyond your price range?

I prefer the honesty of Yorkshire folk.

Imonlyfuckinghuman · 09/10/2017 13:02

dearlittle its the same for our dc independent school. No way would any of us pay £100 for meal!

(May be different if it was a huge piss up! )

FairNotFair · 09/10/2017 13:03

I know you've already replied, OP, but I'd have been tempted to send:

"? I know £100 is fantastic value for dinner in London, but they served utter swill last time I was there. I suggest we hire a jet and pop to Patrick Gilbaud in Dublin. He does a lovely 8-course tasting menu for less than €200 a head, and then there's only drinks and the jet to pay for."

HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 09/10/2017 13:08

Saying it's too expensive is not cringe. Making up excuses instead of saying the real issue and cancelling last minute is cringe. One makes you look like an arsehole and one doesntZ

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 13:12

Or - win Mumsnet by simply replying

Are you on glue

😂

M&S glue obviously cat Wink

I think the pp who mentioned the polite somewhere more less fucking pretentious local than that you're in is a good reply.