Michelin starred restaurant for pre-school mums night out

[nonwonderwoman]

I don't want to start a Christmas thread in October - but unfortunately that is where this is going.
My DS has just joined a pre-school that is part of a local prep school. There aren't may pre-schools round here and he just goes a few hours a week, but it is a generally lovely non-pretentious little school.
The class rep has just sent round the invite for the class Christmas party which I has previously said yes to as I love a good night out. However, the invite is to a fancy £100 a head Michelin starred place (no drink included - that is just the food!).
AIBU to think this is perfectly bonkers, and not something I want to spend my money on 2 weeks before Christmas, with people I barely know. Plus the restaurant is in the swankiest part of London and we are in the home counties, so it's also a massive trek.
How should I respond? I can't imagine many of the mum's saying yes due to the prohibitive cost - but it's all a bit embarrassing really. What's wrong with tapas at the local pub?

No reason needed to decline but if you feel you must give a reason, cost is always a good one because no-one can argue with that!

Maybe she did it purpose so only certain people would attend?

I don't know. I don't think anyone's being U. If they want to go to a lovely restaurant they shouldn't really be restricted by always catering for the lowest budget. It's nice to include everyone but a bit frustrating when you're always the one compromising.

Sadly, that attitude is why I have never attended a single class mums event. :(

What do you mean Peanut?

FWIW I think you're quite right to mention budget at this point: it's setting expectations for the rest of 'your' school career.

Many people who send kids to private schools have tons of money but that doesn't mean they're profilgate with it - plenty of millionaires got that way by NOT spunking all their cash at Michelin restaurants!

And there will be plenty of parents there who really are scrimping, either now or in the future; toning it all down now will benefit all of you in the long run. The fancy people can get together on their own later whilst you're in the pub with the others having exactly the same fun for 1/4 of the price.

I think you should just say sorry you hadn't realised it clashed with a family birthday/wedding whatever and say you would love to catch up another time. Keep it short and sweet and don't go into too much detail.

I think that way you are not rocking the boat, you aren't offering a chance for anyone to gossip about your fiances etc etc.

What do you mean Peanut?

Just the attitude of not having to cater to everyone, or compromising. It means that some people get left out. I get left out of mum's events because they HAVE to be during work hours, or they HAVE to be at more expensive places. It really sucks always being the one left out.

God that's mental! My DD is at prep and our nights out are the local for good grub and copious amounts of gin!

Why do you think lying is better than saying it is too expensive whome?

I'd love to go, we went to a chain place last year and it was 30 quid for ready meal quality food.

Sounds like they've got a big discount for the group

I would not lie that's daft.
Agree with saying that you can't make this as it's a bit far for you for a night out but if anyone fancies a local drink that would be great.

That sucks peanut. I think there should be a mix that's all- not always catering to the most expensive or cheapest tastes all the time. That means some people won't come to some events but eventually there will be one that fits your criteria.

I think the OP was just right- spending £100 plus for a night out with people you’re lukewarm about so close to Xmas isn’t going to have people gossiping about when your house is going to repossessed. It also makes a statement about budgets and what’s its reasonable to expect to spend on gifts, fundraising or other social events. If you don’t say “that’s OTT” now when the first incident arises when can you? Now OP has led the way there’ll be others who say “I’m in the same boat, let me know if there’s something local planned”.

I do feel a bit sorry for the class rep, even though she’s off the mark with this one. Maybe she’s tied to the kids and this was her one chance to get sloshed in a Michelin starred restaurant and have to get peeled off the floor by her companions.

I'm sorry but anyone who gossips about a person who says they can't afford spending £100 on one meal is a dick.

Actually I don't think saying, 'sounds amazing but £100 plus drinks plus transport is a bit out my budget' would get everyone gossiping about your finances

The madness will just continue if you don't say something now. What next? "Hello all, I've organised a trip to Rome this weekend for Pizza, we're staying at the Ritz Carlton. xoxo"
You need to nip this in the bud now.

Not quite the same thing but last year our primary announced that there was an expensive new school coat that, while not being compulsory, they would like everyone to wear.

I walked into the school playground, where a huddle of mums were discussing it, and someone asked me what I thought and I said, "Bugger that, if I buy DS an expensive new coat, I want him to wear it for more than school".

And there was this sigh of relief from everyone around me because apparently everyone had been thinking it, but no one wanted to say anything for fear of being though stingy or poor.

Agree it sets a precedent for expensive nights out.

We did BYO places. Mind you none can be arsed now and people have formed their own smaller groups anyway.

'No I didn't say my mate who could book us a table was Galvin at Windows. I said it was Gavin at Wetherspoons'.

I'm sorry but anyone who gossips about a person who says they can't afford spending £100 on one meal is a dick.

^^ This.

I don't see why money is such a taboo subject. It's OK to say you can't (or won't) afford something and anyone who uses that as a stick to beat you with is a twat.

RosyPony you are very welcome to my spot

It's a deal, happy to attend all social functions that involve really good food.

In fact, happy to extend this service UK wide to all people that don't want to eat in Michelin starred restaurants. I think I've found my dream job! :D

I'm sorry but anyone who gossips about a person who says they can't afford spending £100 on one meal is a dick.

Yup. Fwiw I’m in London and sometimes have that kind of money spare, and I’d still be hugely uncomfortable with it. The expense, the faff and the exclusivity of it.

Also, is it too early to throw in fuck off daily fail journos?

I'd reply with

Sounds amazing but where are we really going?! X pub?
Srlsy who spends a £100 on class night out with prep school mummies you barely even know. Fine if there are a few of you and they are good mates/it's a special treat but a class thing needs to take into account everyone's budgets and that varies widely even at private prep. Plus if you are Home Counties there will be some bloody decent pubs to go to. I wouldn't spend it! And I love fine dining!

Also, is it too early to throw in fuck off daily fail journos?

Never too early for that, Essential

@LoniceraJaponica I suppose I was thinking the path of least resistance as the OP doesn't know the people in question very well (I dont think). So was thinking something light as a response.